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About The Baker County press. (Baker City, Ore.) 2014-current | View Entire Issue (Jan. 27, 2017)
FRIDAY, JANUARY 27, 2017 4 — THE BAKER COUNTY PRESS Opinion — Guest Opinion — 5 biggest regrets of dying people By Susie Moore Susie Moore is a life coach whose teachings span a global client base and are regularly featured in lead- ing media outlets. Through in-person coaching, online classes and newslet- ters, she gives clients the tools they need to lead more fulfilling lives and careers. Want to hear the strangest thing on earth? Death is perhaps the most constructive fact of our existence. Being aware of death throughout your life can beget the healthiest attitude: One of perspective. Countless people throughout his- tory knew this, too. The ancient Greeks used to “practice death every day,” and the Toltecs would use death as “fuel to live and to love.” The constant reminder ensured they would live more boldly, more kindly, and with less fear. The Good News About Death Here’s how the morbid subject can actually benefit us: Our lim- ited days on earth are the ultimate impetus to live with less fear and more intention. The majority of the time, many of us live as if there will be no end to our days. We stay in unfulfilling careers. We remain in unhappy relation- ships. We will travel the world “one day.” We fail to tell people how much they matter to us. We hide our real truth, gifts, or talents from the world because we are scared of being judged and criticized. Losing a parent when I was young made this much more real for me. I felt blessed to come to the realization of how precarious and precious life is while still in my younger years. But you don’t need a loss early in your life to take advantage of the wisdom that awaits you. Learn from people who know. One of my favorite books is Bonnie Ware’s international best- seller “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.” Ware was a hospice nurse in Aus- tralia for several years and cared for patients in the last few weeks of their lives. She writes with incred- ible clarity how similar regrets surfaced again and again. Surprise, surprise: There was no mention of insufficient status; un- delivered revenge; or sadness over not being the thinnest, prettiest, or most famous. These were the most common regrets. (Numbers one and five could make me weep.) The 5 Biggest Regrets 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. “This was the most common regret of all,” Ware writes. “When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honored even a — Editorial — thing again and again, knowing it doesn’t work. Life seems to us to half of their dreams and had to die have two big purposes: To learn knowing that it was due to choices lessons that grow your soul and to they had made, or not made.” love. If your situation isn’t doing at least one of those two things, 2. I wish I hadn’t worked so it fails to serve either you, your hard. higher power, or anyone else. We’ll “All of the men I nursed deeply never understand clinging to any- regretted spending so much of their As we watched the inauguration thing that’s broken and stunted. lives on the treadmill of a work of President Donald J. Trump last Winston Churchill once said,“A existence.” Friday, we couldn’t help but think pessimist sees difficulty in every about the idea of change. opportunity; an optimist sees op- 3. I wish I’d had the courage to It has been said that nothing portunity in every difficulty.” express my feelings. in life is ever constant—except We suppose reality really is “Many people suppressed their change. how one perceives it sometimes. feelings in order to keep peace with Whether it’s a change in the lead- Trump’s inauguration was factually others. As a result, they settled for ership of a nation, introduction of the same event for everyone—and a mediocre existence and never be- a new technology onto the market, yet it wasn’t. For protestors, you’d came who they were truly capable or entering a new relationship, think it was the end of the world. of becoming. Many developed change, we think, is deliberately For supporters, it looked like a new illnesses relating to the bitterness built into life to keep growth in beginning. and resentment they carried as a motion. That growth could be spiri- For nations, change can move a result.” tual, mental, physical or emotional. society forward. Other change can If you look around at nature also come into the picture to help 4. I wish I had stayed in touch the way God built it, you’ll see correct whatever might have gone with my friends. the cycle through the seasons—a off course. Life is like that. “Often they would not truly real- pattern of constant, irrepressible Change forces a new building of ize the full benefits of old friends change that keeps life on the planet strength. Change creates excite- until their dying weeks, and it was flowing. Every day has been de- ment and innovation instead of not always possible to track them signed to bring change, even if it’s boredom. down. Many had become so caught just becoming one day older than Here are some more change up in their own lives that they had we ever were before. quotes we enjoyed: let golden friendships slip by over Whether change is unexpectedly “Change is hard at first, messy the years. There were many deep thrust upon us or precisely planned, in the middle and gorgeous in the regrets about not giving friend- one’s ability to adapt to newness or end.” —Robin Sharma. ships the time and effort that they even embrace it is a key factor to “The secret to change is to focus deserved.” creating life successes. Resistance all your energy not on fighting the to evil is one thing, but resistance old, but on building the new.”— 5. I wish that I had let myself to healthy developments as life Socrates. be happier. moves on is quite another. The “May your choices reflect your “This is a surprisingly common latter creates delay, strife, anger, hopes, not your fears.” —Nelson one. Many did not realize until stagnation and a host of other Mandela. the end that happiness is a choice. negatives; it creates the pain of lost And a few anonymous ones: They had stayed stuck in old pat- possibilities for improvement. “If you don’t have the courage to terns and habits. The so-called We suspect sometimes our brains lose sight of the shore, you’ll never ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed equate change with danger, when travel the ocean.” into their emotions, as well as their that isn’t really the case. “It’s okay to be scared. Being physical lives. Fear of change had The opportunity for change is, scared just means you’re about to them pretending to others, and to well—just an opportunity present- do something very, very brave.” their selves, that they were con- ing itself. Like most things, maybe the tent.” Have you ever noticed that when acceptance of change is all about something in your life is broken, faith. After all, fear and faith can’t Get Clear on What You Want some blessed chance for change occupy the same space. usually presents itself if you’re Some changes are small. Some Here’s an exercise I perform with paying attention? big. It’s a risk/reward world, and my clients, which you can do at To quote another American you get out of it what you put into home to figure out what you want president with whom we usually it. to do, have, and be during your agree on very little, Bill Clinton We wish you the courage to precious days on planet earth. once said, “The price of doing the bloom with your life changes—and Take an hour to be quiet with same old thing is far higher than best of luck to you, Mr. President. yourself, a time without distrac- the price of change.” We’re excited to see what further tions when you will not be inter- Einstein said the definition of changes may come. rupted. insanity is to keep doing the same —The Baker County Press Editorial Board Picture yourself in your elderly Letter to the Editor Policy: The Baker County Press the Editor express the opinions of their authors, and years. 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