Just out., November 01, 2012, Page 28, Image 28

FAMILY | In The Family Way
by Cathy Busha & Anna Deligio
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Worse than Gay Dads
From within our our community or from the mouth of Rick Santorum, gay parents often come under fire and that can be a challenge for our children.
On January 6, 2012 former Republican presidential candi-
date Rick Santorum suggested that children are better off
with a father in prison than being raised by lesbian parents.
Citing the work of an anti-poverty expert, Santorum said,
“He [the “expert”] found that even fathers in jail who had
abandoned their kids were still better than no father at all to
have in their children’s lives.”
and a mother;” rather, they need engaged, supportive adults who care
about them.
Santorum continued to say that gays raising children amounts to “rob-
bing children of something they need, they deserve, they have a right to.
You may rationalize that that isn’t true, but in your own life and in your
own heart, you know it’s true.”
So if Heather’s two mommies aren’t the worst thing for her, could
it even be that Heather may have an advantage? Psychologist Abbie
Gold’s research makes the point that the accidental pregnancy rate for
heterosexuals is almost 50 percent. Her study concludes that gay par-
ents “tend to be more motivated, more committed than heterosexu-
al parents on average, because [most of them] chose to be parents.”
This weary diatribe isn’t surprising from Ricky.
However, on September 15, 2012, gay actor Rupert Everett shared in an
interview, “I can’t think of anything worse than being brought up by two
gay dads.” In a Sunday Times piece, Everett said that he agrees with his
own mother that children “need a father and a mother.”
Really? Why the Ozzie and Harriet comment from a gay man?
At the core of Everett’s comment is not only self-hatred in the form of
internalized homophobia, but also ignorance of how the definition of
“family” continues to grow and change.
The 2010 Census revealed there are approximately 13.7 million single
parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for
raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26 percent of children un-
der 21 in the U.S. today). According to the Williams Institute (an LGBT
think tank based out of UCLA), 22 percent of LGBT people in the U.S. are
currently raising children. And, as of 2008, a record 49 million Ameri-
cans, or 16.1% of the total U.S. population, lived in a family household
that contained at least two adult generations or a grandparent and at least
one other generation, according to the Pew Research Center.
More than statistics that confront Santorum and Everett’s outdated
views, qualitative research confirms that children don’t “need a father
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In the 1995 documentary, Ballot Measure 9, Portland’s Kathleen Sadaat
makes the excellent point that “the downfall of America isn’t that Heath-
er has two mommies.” Instead, Sadaat continues, “It’s that Heather has a
mommy and a daddy who aren’t paying attention to her – that Heather
has a country who isn’t paying attention to her.”
Psychologist Peggy Drexler’s research demonstrates that children raised
by gays and lesbian parents not only perform equally well in school as
their peers with heterosexual parents, but that the children of gay and
lesbian parents are “more self-aware, more adept at communicating
their feelings, and exhibit more empathy for people different from them-
selves.” Her research shows that children of gay and lesbian parents de-
velop skills in “thinking independently and standing up for what they
believe in. This distinguishes them from many children with straight
parents.”
So, Rupert Everett, there are much worse things than being raised by two
men: abuse, neglect or perhaps the movie, The Next Best Thing.
The biggest challenge for children raised by gay and lesbian parents is not
their parents, but homophobic laws and attitudes like Santorum’s and Ev-
erett’s. As Drexler concludes in her research: “Gay and lesbian parents
represent not the worst-case scenario, but the best." §
In The Family Way is written by Cathy Busha and Anna Deligio. Cathy and Anna are the
new parents to son Oliver. Reach tham at Cathleen_Anna@JustOut.com
November 2012