OREGON'S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE
OCTOBER 21, 2011
«voices*
Single And
Fabulous(!)
33
-M
S C A N DALS
H a llo w e e n 2011
panda say what?!
BY BENNIE TAN
While I was working the door o f an Or
egon Bears event recently, an out-of-town
Bear couple walked in with all o f their new-
meat-on-the-block glory. I introduced my
self and gave them a warm welcome.
Then the inevitable line o f questioning
commenced— “Is this your boyfriend?” one
o f them asked while pointing to the Bear
next to me. I told them no, he was just an
other board member. “Oh, where is your
boyfriend? Is he at home?” No, I am single,
I explained, feeling slightly chagrined be
cause I knew what was coming. Then— as I
anticipated— came the zinger. With pity
oozing from his brown eyes and a you-poor-
thing tone in his voice, he posed the ques
tion, “Oh, why are you single?”
I used to get really offended and riled up
when people asked me the why-are-you-
single question. My view on the matter is,
much like my religious beliefs, why I am
single is nobody’s business. But then again,
can you blame people for wanting to know?
Society and the media drill into our soft,
malleable brain cells that to be successful in
life, one must be in a relationship. It seems
when it comes to mainstream media, cou
ples are in, singletons are out.
I don’t usually blame the media for soci
ety’s ills, but I do believe it is partly respon
sible for how we view single people. Be it
books, music or movies and T V shows—
such as Sex and the City, Bridget Jones's Diary
and, most recently, Bridesmaid's—coupledom
is celebrated while singlehood is painted in
a sad and pathetic (albeit often humorous)
light. Even if a series starts off with a pro
tagonist who is single, by the end he or she
has found a mate for life. Toxic bachelorette
Carrie Bradshaw eventually wound up with
Mr. Big; Bridget Jones, in all o f her chubby,
neurotic glory, found her Mr. Darcy; and
even Annie from Bridesmaids literally rode
oft into the sunset (okay, if you want to get
technical, it was night) in the handsome
cop’s car.
If you’re still unconvinced the media is
skewed against singletons, consider this:
When was the last time you saw a show or
movie depicting a carefree, stable and genu
inely happy single main character?
The media focuses on how dreadful it is
to be solo. And the kicker is these individu
als are single because there is something in
herently wrong with them. Carrie Bradshaw
was in one failed relationship after another
because she was a commitment-phobe.
When was the last time you saw a
show or movie depicting a carefree,
stable and genuinely single happy
main character?
Bridget Jones was alone due to her neuroses
and low self-esteem. Annie was single be
cause she failed in her business venture and
her relationship went south along with it.
I understand no one wants to watch a
boring movie or T V series. On the contrary,
we want to escape from the doldrums o f
reality. We want fun and fantasy—we want
the big fairy-tale happy ending. But wouldn’t
it be nice for once to see single folks por
trayed as happy, well-adjusted individuals
and not as some flawed character waiting to
be saved by a relationship?
Here’s the truth— I am currently single
because I choose to be. It is my choice and
my choice alone. I’m not single because I’m
crazy (granted, I may be a little nuts), ugly
(my face has yet to induce spontaneous puk
ing), fat (okay, I’m a little chubby but the
Bears like it), or undesirable. Hey, I’ve got
game and I get enough coitus. To be honest,
getting sex is not all that difficult, especially
between horny, gay men— it’s always been
my opinion that fucking is easy but being in
love is an entirely different matter.
Recently, I’ve had a few suitors come a-
calling, but after several failed relationships
(three o f them with the same person), I am
biding my time and waiting for the right
Cub or Bear to come along. Thing is, I’ve
seen way too many couples who are in love
less, codependent relationships just because
they are afraid to he alone and o f being pitied
or looked down upon for being single. I am
not ready to settle and I refuse to accept sec
ond or third best only to realize years into a
relationship this man was not meant for me.
Certain individuals have called me bitter
and jaded because o f my views. While I may
be bitter, I am definitely not jaded. Look it
up, there is a difference. In fact, I very much
look forward to the day my hirsute Prince
Charming comes riding in on a white horse
and sweeps me off my feet. Until then, I
shall remain single and fabulous— exclama
tion point for emphasis! I t ]
Yes, this article's title was purloined from an
episode o f Sex and the City. I f you are single
and fabulous, feel free to commiserate with
Bennie at pdxpandacub@gmail.com.
10-28-Il & 10-31-11
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