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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 2011)
OREGON'S LESBIAN/GAY/BI/TRANS/QUEER NEWSMAGAZINE 4 business directory ► SEPTEMBER 16, 2011 4 3 503.236.1253 Promote Your Business Here » REAL ESTATE » REAL ESTATE JOEL HAMLEY Celia J. Lyon Principal Broker, ABR The Real in Realtor » TREES (R E M O V A L ) Principal Broker THE POWER OF ONE 1902 SE Morrison St. • Portland, OR 97214 SCENT C eliaLyon .co m • CeliaLyon(<i aol.com Direct: 9 7 1 .5 0 6 .9 4 9 9 Meadows Group Inc. • 1902 SE Morrison www.welcomehomepdx.com \i[_\|)imv Mum-Miii™. Doiur See my display ad in this issue Prodocw [TREE AND YARD CARE LL<? 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L IV IN G R O O M REALTORS 3 bedrooms, 3 full baths. Meander nearby trails, shop in happening Hillsdale or mingle in Multnomah Village. $ 5 1 9 ,0 0 0 ______________________________ Kim Kress, Real Estate Broker 503“497“2 138 Windermere www.kimkress.com (503) 294-1101 email D ear # B ehavior : I played poker with friends recently. My friend Randi ran out of money, so we made a deal: I gave her cash, with the agreement that if she won, we’d split the pot 50/50. W hen we won the large pot, I half jokingly said that in stead of taking my share of the pot, I’d like to buy the right to date her ex-girlfriend, Susie. Randi eagerly agreed. I repeatedly asked if that was really okay, and Randi reassured me that she had no feelings about my dating her ex (from a few years ago). I called Susie the next day, and now we’ve been dating for a few months. However, once Randi started seeing us together, she had “un expected feelings.” She has called several times and asked me to stop dating Susie. She even offered to give me the poker money instead. However, I really like Susie and don’t want to stop dating her. Randi seems to feel that my long-term friendship with her should matter more than my new (but intense) feelings for Susie. But I feel that I “won” the right to date Susie and it’s not fair for Randi to demand that I stop. W ho’s right? Also, I’m worried about Susie finding out about the poker game. Is it dishonest to keep it from her? — Fair Player D ear F air P layer : Since there were apparently multiple wit nesses to the “sale” of Susie at the poker game (who might someday spill the beans), you blog.justout.com You Got To Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Not Date Her Ex ms. behavior BY MERYL COHN should tell the story of how she was sold to you—like a pig at a county fair. Then you won’t have to wonder how she’ll react to hearing the news: insulted to have been so readily sold, or perhaps flattered that you purchased her. Despite your having done your due dili gence— i.e. lesbian “processing” about the deal and any potential feelings—your poor friend Randi has seller’s remorse. Is that your prob lem? Not really. L et’s say that Susie had been a pig that you purchased from Randi at a county fair. Randi couldn’t demand that you return the pig just because she experienced feelings of jealousy upon seeing the two o f you together. And since Susie and Randi were not even a couple anymore, when you purchased the right to date Susie she was an abstract commodity— more of a stock certificate for a pig than an actual pig. Your dilemma isn’t much of a dilemma. If your friendship with Randi was the most im portant part of this equation, you would have weighted it differently when you posed the 5 0 3 . 2 3 6 . I 2 5 3 Ext. Fax 503.23fe.l257 I0. IN PERSON TO: 6234 N. GREELEY AVE. (PORTLAND. OR) 5 0 3 -3 1 7 -4 3 1 2 R e a l t y T r u s t C all MAIL TO: P.O. BOX MMOO. PORTLAND. OR 97293 TIM PITTS CROUP justout? OUR RANCH OR YOURS question, e.g. “W hat can I do to save this im portant relationship?” rather than “I really like Susie and don’t want to stop dating her,” and “I ‘won’ the right to date Susie and it’s not fair for Randi to demand that I stop.” nc D ear M s . B eh a v io r : My boyfriend Josh is extremely sociable and I’m not. His large network o f friends and family members descend upon us for weeks at a time, without any regard for how it affects us (or, mainly, me). We live in a resort area, so it’s intense in the summer. I have said that I don’t enjoy having visitors so often, or all at once, and Josh doesn’t seem to care. I’m not just being weird or controlling; his friends totally take over the house, to the point where I’ve slept in the attic just to keep my sanity. Also, his ex-boyfriend has come with his part ner, two kids and a dog. At various times, they have given us lice, fleas and stomach viruses. Next Issue is out on: Friday, 10-7-2011 Last day to submit and reserve ad space is: Monday, 10-3-2011 www.justout.com JUST O U T RESERVES THE RIG HT TO REJECT O R EDIT ANY ADVERTISEMENT THAT MAY BE DEM EANING O R OFFENSIVE TO O U R READERS I don’t know how to negotiate this with Josh. W hat would you suggest? — I'm Not Really Antisocial, Am I? D ear I ’ m N o t R eally A n t is o c ia l : Make sure that you benefit in some way each time you agree to have visitors, and set some guidelines about w hat’s acceptable. Write those guidelines down so that they’re easy to refer to when necessary. Here are some examples for a written agreement: “* 1) The num ber o f visitors shall not exceed the number o f available beds. No sleep ing on the floor or coffee table. 2) No visit may exceed three days. 3) For every week o f visitors, there shall be a visitor-free week. 4) M aternal visits cause extra stress. For any maternal visit exceeding three days,** that m other’s son needs to take out the garbage for six months. 5) If any visitors cause illness, parasites or infestation, the person who invited the infested visitors m ust shovel the driveway (urban dwellers may replace this w ith another unpleasant chore and lesbians may replace it w ith clean ing out the cat box) for the rest o f his natural life. M eryl Cohn is the author o f Do W h a t I Say: Ms. Behaviors G uide to Gay and Lesbian E tiquette. Send questions or correspondence to msbehaviordPaol. com.
