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OREGON'S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE
JULY 15. 2011
33 j« :
I Kissed A Cub And I Liked It
Yep, I’m turning 40— the supposed death
age of homos everywhere. Many have opined
that turning 40 in gay years is like turning 80
in straight years. To be perfectly honest, I’m
not completely sure how I feel about it. A part
o f me is rather looking forward to this new
decade and chapter o f my life, while another is
slightly apprehensive and fearful of having to
check the “40-49” age box when filling out
surveys and such.
You cannot deny we homos tend to place a
lot of value on youth and looking young. One
need look no further than ads on Craigslist
(don’t front, you know you check it) or gay.
com (does anybody even use this website any
more?) and see all the age restrictions in hook
up ads. “Over 40 need not apply,” one will
state or “Over 40 OK as long as you don’t look
over 35.” These ads litter the Internet like so
many used condoms at a safe-sex party.
One o f the first gay books I read upon com
ing out was William J. Mann’s The Men from
the Boys. In the novel, protagonist Jeff O ’Brien
faces a midlife crisis at 33 and must deal with
not being the new, hot young thing anymore—
even though he is described as someone who
is built like an Adonis. Many o f the gay men
in the book also consider 30 as the official
over-the-hill age, making those over the mile
stone number less desirable sexually. I read
I was in a few relationships, all the
much the same. Much like the Y2K scare,
nothing disastrous happened. My penis didn't
while thinking, “ I must succeed in
shrivel, dry up and fall off and I didn’t become
one before 30.” Then 30 came and
an instant outcast sexually or socially.
In fact, contrary to the novel, my big gay
went and my world remained pretty
life didn’t really start swinging until I was in
much the same. Much like the Y2K
my thirties. I met more people, became more
comfortable in my own skin and had way
scare, nothing disastrous happened.
more sex than I ever did before. There is some
this book at the impressionable age o f 26 and truth to the statement that age is relative. Liv
it left an indelible mark on me. Needless to ing through my thirties proved to me how old
say, I looked forward to turning 30 as much as you feel and act is actually all in your head. It
one would look forward to a urethra swab test is also true that with age comes experience,
for Chlamydia.
and experience has taught me how to better
I came out at the relatively late age of 25, navigate the many bumps in life.
and reading The Men from the Boys left me
Associating with the Bears has also helped
overwrought with anxiety. I kept thinking I had in dealing with the whole age thing. Having
precious few years to accomplish what all gay been discriminated against in the past for be
men were supposed to before they got too old ing too fat, old or hairy, this group of men
—being in a stable relationship, having a suc tends to be more accepting than others. Bears
cessful career, partying to the fullest. So I set also skew slightly older and since I’ve always
out to do those things with great gusto. I had a thing for older men, it’s a win-win situ
worked really hard and partied even harder. I ation. Don’t ask me why I have a predilection
was in a few relationships, all the while think for slightly older men— maybe I have daddy
ing, “I must succeed in one before 30.”Then 30 issues due to a distant father while I was grow
came and went and my world remained pretty ing up. Before I start psychoanalyzing myself,
«*
though, I must admit it never occurred to me I
would one day become the daddy in question.
Recently, I was instant messaging with a
cute Latino cub from Florida on G R O W Lr
(the furry equivalent o f Grindr) and he called
me “papito.” I had an inkling what the term
meant but, to be sure, I asked him to clarify.
He said “papito” meant “cute little daddy,” a
term o f endearment. Rather than being in
sulted, I took it as a compliment.
At an Oregon Bears event not too long ago,
I had my eye on a really adorable cub, and by
the end of the evening we were making out. It
was only after we became Facebook friends
that I realized he had just turned 21. In one of
his emails, he called me a “hot Asian daddy.”
In the past I would have been slightly uncom
fortable, but instead I took it all in stride. I
was flattered a hot little cub would consider
me daddy material and make out with me. So
yes, I kissed a cub and I really, really liked it.
I think my forties are going to treat me just
fine. At least I know for sure life as a gay man
does not end when he turns 30. J0]
T his P anda is hijacking the Oregon Bears' monthly
Bear Bust at the Eagle Portland Saturday, July 16
starting at 9p.m. as his unofficial big 4-0 birthday
celebration. You are all invited. Email him at pdx-
pandacub@gmail.com for more details.
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