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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 2011)
voices > OREGON’S LGBTO NEWSMAGAZINE JUNE 17. 2011 57 Finding Hope (and Pride) in a Time Warp W hen you’ve worked in the distant suburbs as long as I have, in order to survive you learn to master the art of maintaining minimal— but vital— levels of interest. It’s a magical combination of escapism and perseverance. I We’re clearly products of our conjure up miniature mind games that serve as more than survival mechanisms, they func environments—and, as a collective, tion as outright sanity-keepers. For example, I our evolution is uneven. might count and categorize themed Disney sweatshirts, note the frequency with which I always muster responses—I’m required to, in people marvel at w hat’s “over there, across the a way. “Should I let my husband shave his bridge” or catalog misbehaving, screaming head?” O f course you should', shaved heads are children, reminding myself to savor sweet sexy— but make sure the buzz is really short. Or, “I’m going shopping for my boyfriend, what freedom and never have any. Although I tease the northernmost point of should I buy him?” I often ramble and, soon after, can’t repeat Clark County relentlessly, there’s a perk I rarely discuss. Braving these suburbs day in and day my replies if my life depended on it. I could out offers an interesting perspective on gay explain that wigs and dresses for men are “in” progress, a barometer if you will— like a litmus now and the next morning watch an army o f test, one set well outside the safe confines of husbands saunter in for their coffee dressed in our city. This gauge certainly isn’t a concrete drag. O r I could pitch bunny suits. The possi measurement, but reading people and, in turn, bilities are endless. Interactions can be uncomfortable. Some relating said findings to how far we’ve come proves interesting. It’s like visiting a political times, patrons recount tales o f their gay friends, pointless stories intended to prove time warp—with lessons. O f course I find expected stereotypes. Plen some made-up queer camaraderie. “This friend ty o f overly delighted women are way too im I work with, he’s a gay. Well, he said...” Pauses pressed by my sassy queer countenance. Being in conversation and long, vexatious silences gay, after all, gives me authority on virtually all become the norm when we broach more things superficial. Ever the caged zoo animal, meaningful topics: adoption, marriage or mint Established 2001 81 _L 503 284 5518 8 1 6 N. Russell Street, Portland Happy Hour M o n /T u e 4 p m - 8pm W ED & SUN ALL N IG H T LO NG ! Thur - Sat 4 p m - 6 :3 0 p m Dinner Tue - Sat from 5 p m till close (8 2 0 is op en 4 p m till close) www.mintand 820 .com BAY SHIITE POST-PRIDE BLOUI-OUT Monday, 3une 20th, 7—9pm Oaks <park R oller <Rink 3 U1 s «Last «Chance to win a pair of £ ritn ey Spears 'Concert ‘Tickets a donation of canned food or cash for ‘Esther’s 9antry qualifies you for ticket give-away. $6 + Donation of Food or Sundry Items We’re clearly products of our environments— and, as a collective, our evolution is uneven. Most of my closest gay friends were born and bred in the suburbs. Yes, most made quick es hand-holding. Hands Across Hawthorne re capes, but generations of hesitancy and awk mains a hot topic at our water cooler. It seems ward pauses— not to mention shame— are so that everyone in Clark County was glued to deeply ingrained in our psyche that lip service, their late news that night, amazed there are alone can’t undo a lifetime of indoctrination. more gays in the world than the one who doles That takes concerted action: volunteering at out lattes and undoubtedly errant fashion BRO, spending a weekend watching queer advice. documentaries featuring Joey Arias. Reading All the (welcome) talk about hand-holding And rIhe Band Played On. Bona fide effort. made me examine my own history with man- As much as I praise those who show affec on-m an affection. Now, it’s not like I’ve had a tion in the city, I reserve my utmost for those slew o f serious boyfriends— my yet-to-be- brave enough to do so in suburbia. In the same pinned-down neuroses have limited me to a coffee shop where I sweat over hot espresso mere handful. As a younger gay, I brazenly while Bev yammers on and on about her hus grasped countless boys’ hands while venturing band’s haircut and attire, high school sweet to The City Nightclub or Peacock in the Park. hearts come in, obviously on a date, order During Peacock’s drag show, I sat with boys drinks and sit down to cavort and converse. on blankets, sipping booze from thermoses Every now and then, the couple consists o f two and showing all the affection I could muster. girls or, although rarer, two boys. They weather Time wore on, I got a bit older and I’ve yet to unnecessarily long stares, louder sighs and cold have a partner completely at ease showing affec shoulders. Nonplussed, the duos seldom miss a tion in public, save for my last. Some cringed, beat. And, quite suddenly, my suburban gay others whispered “not here,” as if clasped palms barometer spikes in our favor. equaled performing fellatio in the food court at Pioneer Place. Those fledgling courtships were Sometimes I temper rampant cynicism with hope. less about my poor dating track record; they I'll be at Just O ut'r booth, #9, from 3 to 6 p.m. were essentially their own benchmarks. Sat., June 18. E m a ildaniel@justout.com. f if
