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JUNE 3.2011
WWW.JUSTOUT.COM
The Experience of a Lifetime
I have learned in my nearly 19 years in Ore
gon that the best way to combat my growing
frustration with our long fallwinterspring sea
son is to go somewhere warm, preferably be
tween March and the Pride o f June, to recharge
my batteries and help combat my serious Vita
min D deficiency and nasty disposition. This
year my wife Cher and I, along with our best
friends Jena and Bethie, made a long journey
to the Caribbean for an Olivia Travel resort
vacation in the Dominican Republic. This was
the fourth time Cher and I have traveled with
Olivia, and each trip has outdone the last.
Many of our friends have been suspect of
our trips, wondering why on earth we would
want to spend the extra money to be with a
group o f lesbians for a week. They roll their
eyes, make comments about how they always
feel comfortable on regular vacations and
question the big deal about Olivia anyway.
Our friend Bethie was skeptical as well—go
ing along with the plans set forth by her girl
friend, co-conspired by me to make this trip
< for the four o f us happen. We booked it 14
months in advance—plenty o f time to plan,
dream about and pay for it. Each month we
counted down, another 30 days closer.
On May 6, we set off for the airport and 12
hours o f travel. When we arrived at the Club
Med in Punta Cana, it was as if everything
KATHRYN MARTINI
We met two ladies from Virginia— both
closeted except in the company of
close friends and family. ... For these
ladies and others like them, going on
an Olivia trip is life changing, a utopist
respite from the homophobic world
they endure each day.
about our regular lives melted away. Not only
were we in paradise, sitting by the beautiful
blue water o f the sea, we were with our peo
ple, completely comfortable and free.
Those o f us who live in the Portland met
ropolitan area don’t realize just how lucky we
are to reside in a progressive city where we
can be ourselves. My wife and I hold hands
wherever we go— I will kiss her in public,
there are places we can go dancing together,
and neither o f us is afraid to be out at work.
This is absolutely not the experience of many
o f the ladies whom we met on our trip. It’s
always fascinating, albeit heartbreaking, to
hear about their regular lives at home.
old friends and new friends, femmes and
hutches and everyone in between. Some were
comfortable in their basketball shorts and
sports bras as beachwear, some were comfort
able topless, one lady was wearing a flannel
shirt in the pool during a volleyball game—
yes, a flannel shirt. Some ladies dressed up in
the evening, some did not, and eventually
Jena, a professional hair stylist, resisted the
urge to offer makeover advice to the ladies
still sporting mullets. We weren’t the only
Portlanders who made the long trip for sun
shine— our newest besties are a couple from
N E whom we happened to meet three weeks
earlier in the bathroom at The Alibi.
We swam in the sea, drank pina coladas,
socialized, napped, ate lobster, watched
amazing shows by The Wau Wau Sisters,
Dana Goldberg, Poppy Champlain and Vicky
Shaw, danced until the wee hours o f the
morning and skinny-dipped under the moon.
And never once did we look around and won
der if anyone was looking at us funnily. Never
once did I drop my wife’s hand or feel that bit
o f heaviness that sometimes sits in my chest,
and never did I feel even the tiniest bit o f
shame or judgment.
Toward the end o f the week, Bethie looked
at Jena with tears in her eyes and said, “This is
the greatest experience o f my life.” Some things
are worth making happen. The greatest experi
ence of one’s life is definitely one o f them.
We met two ladies from Virginia—both
closeted except in the company of close friends
and family. They have a child together, but
one o f the women has no legal rights due to
Virginia’s strict laws that keep her from adopt
ing her own child and, as the second mother,
she is hesitant to participate in school events or
in any other capacity that would out them. As
a couple, they can’t even insure each other or
have automatic property rights. They had nev
er, until this trip, expressed any form o f affec
tion toward each other in public.
Another couple from Alabama have been in
a committed relationship with each other for
three years, but don’t share a home due to their
fear o f having an out and open relationship.
One o f them is a small business owner who
doesn’t want to risk losing clientele, and her
livelihood, if people know she’s a lesbian. For
these ladies and others like them, going on an
Olivia trip is life changing, a utopist respite
from the homophobic world they endure each
day.
We met ladies from all over the world—
young ladies in their early twenties, older la K a t h r y n M a r t i n i is a freelance writer and
dies in their eighties, couples, solos, groups o f blogger. Reach her through kathrynmartini.com.
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