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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 6, 2011)
fi 22 gay&grey -— MAY 6, 2011 W W W .JU S T O U T .C O M ► Neil Heilpern, 68, is not your typical senior citizen. H e’s not even your typical gay senior citizen. You may have seen him around town. He has long, white hair, and sometimes, he dresses as a woman. He dons a skirt, a blouse and perhaps jewelry in the shape o f butterflies. In this persona, “he” becomes “she,” and she goes by Nikki. He also goes by Little Fdf, as he’s called by the Radical Faeries, that informal network of men with a focus on spirituality and a near limitless perception of queer identity. “Here’s my label,” Neil explains, “I’m a nice, Jewish, bisexual, transgendered male-to-female, old, married queer.” That’s right. Neil is also married—legally, to a woman. In fact, he and his wife Veronica celebrate their 38th anniversary this year. They met in 1969 in Santa Cruz, Calif., while Neil was try ing to start a general interest magazine. Veronica worked with him. But Neil actually got engaged to another woman first—one of his students in his photojournalism class. Then she dumped him. That’s when Veronica told him she had been in love with him since she met him. She asked him to marry her. “It took her four years,” Neil says. So Neil is certainly unique, and he celebrates his uniqueness. But his example can be a stark contrast to the experience of many queer seniors. The unlucky ones enter senior homes where staff or residents aren’t accepting of LGBTQjreople. ally part of a larger program run by Cascadia Behavioral Healthcare, but the Gay & Grey group is focused on LGBTQ_seniors. “I don’t date or go to the bars anymore or any of that kind of stuff,” Neil says, “but I still want Heilpern b y a a r o n s p e n c e r to be around gay people. I need someone to un derstand what it’s like to be my age and be gay.” Neil says the meetings help him stay positive, a trait he’s tried to develop during his life: He was once forced to resign as an officer in the Air Force when a spurned lover outed him. And what does Neil say he’d do if he saw that lover on the street today? Give him a hug. “I’m a very positive and uplifting person, and I have a very positive influence on everybody I meet,” Neil says. “I’ve had lots o f challenges, but I figure I can’t always relive the negative mo ments in life. “I don’t even want to live in an apartment,” he “I go to VIEWS because even though I’m a says. “I want a house. I want a place that feels positive person, I still have my own feelings and like a home.” need people to talk to, people who share my Friendly House helps Neil and Veronica to background,” he says. have that. The nonprofit’s case management pro Neil says hearing from gay seniors who are gram provides assistance to seniors to help them older than him gives him an appreciation of how live in their homes independently. The service is things used to be for the LGBTQ_community important to Neil and Veronica, neither of whom and how they have changed. has children to take care o f them. “You can’t live in the past,” he says. “Most But since Neil is queer, he can also tap into people in the GLBT community have had hor Friendly House’s Gay & Grey program. ror stories or negative things in the past. You He goes to weekly meetings for a group called can’t dwell on that. You have to say, ‘W hat do I VIEWS, an acronym for Volunteers Involved want to experience now, in this part of my life?’ for the Emotional Well-being of Seniors. The “You have to visualize what you want rather point of the group is to give seniors a place to than what you don’t want. W hat you keep in discuss issues that are relevant to them. It’s actu your mind— that’s what you become.” Label Shaker Senior focus on Neil Remember, many senior home residents grew up in a time when attitudes toward sexual mi norities weren’t as favorable as they are now. Gay men in senior homes often go back into the closet—forget about putting on a dress. Neil, on the other hand, lives with Veronica. She knows he is bisexual and transsexual, and she supports that. They both live in their home with the help of in-house services from the non profit Friendly House. This isn’t to say that if Neil were to go into a senior home that he would be anyone but him self. As he puts it, “The more you let yourself be molded by the outside, the more you forget who you really are.” But he definitely does not want to live in a senior home. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1 re Q adventures in g Ordinary and Making Extraordinary nt Schrader, President Portland, OR 97221 503-292-0675 t@worldaccents.com i8adventures.com . Corporate Travel . Resort Vacations . Custom Independent Explorations W illamette Financial Group LLC Together, let s create a personalized strategy for your goals and dreams, whether • planning for your retirement • evaluating your current investment portfolio • determining effective distribution strategies from your retirement accounts • utilizing distinct planning strategies for singles, couples, and domestic partners • aligning your financial goals with your social and environmental values Before making any investment decision, call . .. . Escorted Tours . Family Adventures . 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