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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (March 18, 2011)
voices OREGO N S LGBTO N EW S M A G A ZIN E M A R C H 18, 2011 37 the necessity o f explanation as I jump off the A Guest in My Brain Stem bus into blinding sunlight. Migraneurs, as we are so fancily called, were once considered to be o f a certain personality I am at my desk when it strikes, the tele type— clean, precise, high-strung, the W ASP-y phone slipping through my tingling fingers to kind who arrive at their doctor appointments 1 fall against the office floor. “Shit, “ I say aloud with neatly typed lists o f the dates and times B Y N IC K M A T T O S as I look up to the blurry clock reading 2:15. their brains rebelled against them. The key Migraneurs, as we are so fancily “W h at’s wrong?” my cube-mate asks. My hands reach up to cover my face. “I need to go home. I have a migraine coming on.” Basilar-type migraine, a doctor once scrawled in my medical file, explaining the headaches accompanied by vertigo, ringing in the ears and difficulty speaking that makes me slur like a drunk. My grandmother had them, my father had them, and now I am on the Line 15 bus, chewing the inside o f my lip with eyes closed each time the recorded voice announces our stops along N W 23rd, having them as well. called, were once considered to be of a certain personality type— clean, precise, high-strung, the WASP-y kind who arrive at their doctor guerrilla war with my own life, during weeks of turns in my door and I walk in, stepping over small household confusions, lost laundry, un piles of books and clothing with eyes half happy help, canceled appointments, on days closed, falling into an unmade bed, knowing when the telephone rings too much and I get no that I do not have the “migraine personality.” I work done and the wind is coming up. On days pull the pillow over my eyes and ears, hearing like that my friend comes uninvited.” the rhythmic sound o f my breath and watching The bus’ robotic voice announces that we appointments with neatly typed lists of the dates and times their brains rebelled against them. the colors o f the migraine aura shimmer. are now on the east side o f the river, my tem I wake up— 10:15. The day is gone, the ples pounding along with the cadence o f the streetlight outside shining through my closed recorded speech. “I have quite the migraine blinds, and I sit upright full o f an odd mix o f coming on,” I tell Racquel, squinting. exhaustion and relief. “Love is a universal mi “Oh no!” she says, concern softening her graine / A bright stain on the vision / Blot Migraines are still a mystery to the medical “In general, good,” I tell her, and it’s true. establishment, with warring factions identify Things are positively smashing right now: My I don’t bother to correct her. A migraine he’s correct. Migraneurs, like blackout drink ing a variety o f possible causes. However, right work is challenging and interesting, my boy includes a headache, o f course; however, it’s ers, are given brief respite from reason, run now it doesn’t matter if something is wrong in friend is handsome and supportive, my inner more o f a full-body crisis, a presence that ning home with faulty motor function to hide my brain stem, or in my occipital lobe, or in my and creative lives are interfacing very nicely with overtakes the brain and the gut, that leaves in their rooms, falling unconscious with sick moral fiber— but something is wrong. A deep the banal life o f taxes and commutes. There are the limbs full o f pins and needles. The differ stomachs and dreadful guests in their brains. rift has formed between the way my body is small annoyances, a dull sense o f dread off in my ence between a migraine— an episode o f a My guest is gone for now, and reason— the supposed to work according to the pages o f peripheral vision, general yet manageable anxi neurological disease, a thunderstorm deep world o f office telephones and bus schedules, textbooks and the way it is trying to work now, eties; however, through some terrible arithmetic within the skull— and a tension headache, the friends and lovers, family history and the and I just need to get home. the annoyances and dread and anxiety have sort that actually responds to Advil and allows guerilla war I wage with my life— is back. I I feel a cold hand slide onto mine. M y eyes added up in my brain stem, choking a vein. “It you to stay at your desk for the day rather sigh heavily in my dark room, and smile. open, and through the shimmering vision o f never comes when I am in real trouble,” Joan than curl beneath it, is immense. my migraine aura I see Racquel. “Hey, sweet Didion wrote o f her migraines. “It comes in “Eleventh Avenue,” the robotic voice an ie!” she exclaims cheerfully. “H ow ’s it going?” stead when I am fighting not an open but a nounces as 1 pull the yellow cord, freed from O w en s , S n eller , P in z e l ik & W o od , P .C . serving the community since 1975 A ttorneys S e r v in g O reg o n at eyes. “I had a bad headache yesterday, too.” 0 ting out reason,” wrote Robert Graves, and N ic k M a t t o s welcomes your anti-migraine recommendations at nickmattos@justout.com. ft tfi ■ L a w I * SERVING BREAKFAST & W a s h in g t o n LUNCH DAILY 503.224.3100 M C 3 N -F R I S DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP AGREEMENTS ADOPTIONS • ESTATE PLANNING DISSOLUTION OF DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIPS GUARDIANSHIP AND CONSERVATORSHIP www.owens-law.com • <380 S W M ac ad am , Suite S90 • Portland, O reg o n 97239 • Parking Validated j SZ 3 \ know Your Status, Hep A & B vaccine and Syphilis testing available Monday 5:30 to 7 30 p m Beaverton Health Clinic - 12550 SW 2nd Tuesday 4 to 5:30 p m. & Friday 9 to 11 a m Hillsboro Health Clinic - 266 W Mam ^Results in ,20 minutes. - S u n 7 A M -Z P M • S a m b r i o g e s c a f e a n d c a t e r i n b -3 . p m n e t “The pizzas at Firehouse are picturesque and delicious; they’re a wonderful example of top-shelf ingredients cooked properly in a wood oven. 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