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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 7, 2009)
The Importance of Being Earnestly Courteous W hen I was a little girl I loved reading my LIVING OUT LOUD grandmother’s signed copy o f Em ily Post’s book on etiquette. M y love o f social graces continued through adulthood, and last sum mer while attending BlogH er, a conference for women bloggers, I was thrilled to meet Anna Post, the great-great granddaughter o f our ever-evolving world, and how etiquette serves a crucial function in the queer com munity. W hen she asked my advice on the proper way to introduce a trans-identified person, I knew this was a subject requiring further exploration. After the conference I put away the idea o f Queer Etiquette, but recent events have caused me to again consider its need. W hy has it become so acceptable to behave in a manner that completely disregards common courtesy and appropriate conduct in social situations? fit under the rainbow. Traditional gender-role private cell phone conversation on the bus is politeness needn’t be abandoned just because disrespectful to those forced to listen. These we may not practice traditional gender roles are not extreme examples, sadly, but rather in our relationships. I will often open a car incidents I ’ve had the recent displeasure o f door for my wife or place her order at a res observing. taurant; I do so to show her the respect and Being polite is very simple: treat others my etiquette heroine. We discussed the state o f social civility in is uncouth, and conducting a long, loud and It Is im portant th a t we address th e p ro to co l for some of the unique situations th a t arise in our community, in order to te a c h others how to tre a t us. This includes having respect for how individuals identify and b e ing m indful to use inclusive la n g u a g e and thought. Manners are not “old fashioned” and etiquette attention she deserves. in a way you would like to be treated and Marriage equality will certainly add an consider how actions may come across to other dimension to queer etiquette as more others as they form an opinion o f you. Greet couples marry and begin to have families. people with sincerity, be gracious and show Stacy Jill-Jacobs is the founder o f Queerlywed. appreciation. H old the door for the person com, a website dedicated to assisting couples behind you, treat people who give you service planning their nuptials. W hen she and her with respect, give up your seat on the M ax for fiancée became engaged they searched online a pregnant woman, and keep commitments for queer wedding guidance and couldn’t find that you make. it. She believes many wedding traditions are The queer community operates within evolving to accommodate queer couples, leav society as a whole and is not given a pass ing people with questions on how to approach on social civility. It is also important that we the big day. address the protocol for some o f the unique These questions won’t be answered over situations that arise in our community, in night, and there isn’t a queer version o f E m ily order to teach others how to treat us. This Post to act as authority— yet. In the mean is important— not to restrict people’s expres a positive impression while networking and includes having respect for how individuals time, we can try to remember that manners, sion— but rather provide tools so that they job seeking. Unfortunately, it seems there are identify and being mindful to use inclusive like honesty and integrity, are not antiquated may feel comfortable in any situation. many who need to begin with the basics. language and thought, paying close attention ideas but rather essential values designed and to use the name and pronoun with which he maintained for civility and decorum in so or she identifies unless otherwise specified. ciety— both within and outside o f our com Etiquette goes beyond which fork to use One person occupying multiple seats at a at a fancy dinner or the correct wording when packed movie is not acceptable behavior. Set addressing an invitation. It’s also about po ting up lawn chairs in front o f someone at an We should take care not to make assump liteness and civility and how people’s behavior outdoor concert is inconsiderate. Including a tions based on labels. Just because a woman reveals their character to others. The state o f bank account number in a wedding invitation has a girlfriend doesn’t automatically make our present economy makes social graces as and requesting deposits in lieu o f gifts is tact her a lesbian, and people shouldn’t be pi and blogger. She can be reached at kathryn@ important as ever when attempting to make less. W earing cargo shorts to a formal event geonholed by others on “w hat” or “ how ” they recoveri ngstraightgirl. com. ■PB 1 1 -1 ^ The Imperial Sovereign Rose Court, Miss Gay Portland XXXVII, Felicity Carmichaels & Mr Gay Portland XXXIII, Glitter John Oubois Presents T H E M R., M S, A N D M ISS G AY P O R TLA N D P A G EA N T Saturday August 29th 2009 The Embers, 110 N.W. Broadway Door 5:00pm Show 6:00 • $10.00 cover Net Proceeds to benefit the Audria M Edwards Scholarship Fund ! munity. K athryn M a r t in l is a freelance w riter
