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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 18, 2008)
JULY 18, 2008 juSt|OUt i34 Just Shut It! An open letter to my housemate ousemate: This has got to stop. Listen, I’m as much a fan of hot, rowdy dude-on-dude sex as the next gay guy. Mayhe even more of a fan than “the next gay guy,” depending on the dude and the rowdiness involved. But man, I’ve got some heef with the way you’re getting beefed. This is not about the man ner in which you meet your partners (1 spy your profile on Manhunt.net), the number of partners involved (a seemingly end less supply) or even the unique activities engaged in (exceedingly loud, with an emphasis on ass slapping and spit ting, if the sounds coming from your rixim are to be believed). The problem is this: You have a special pen chant for leaving your bedrixjm dtxir and windows open to the whole wide world while in the midst of your noisy seed-spreading adventures. At all hours of the day and night. Surely you can appreciate how this might be problematic.7 An example: A few weeks back, I was hanging with a new ish friend of mine, mid-20s, a very chill straight dude who's also sort of a creative collaborator of mine. After kicking back some pints at rhe Vic tory right around the block, we decided to head back to my house to continue the conversation (and the drinking). k BY STEPHEN MARC BEAUDOIN À We swung inside, grabbed a few Hefs and sat down. Not a few houseguest’s face: somewhere between alarmed seconds in the liv- ■ and ailing. After much apologizing, and as much ing r<x>m, the omi as he enjoyed my company, he fled in short order. nous noises begin In conversations since, he’s avoided recalling any gurgling from your time spent in my house at all, lest he be reminded little sex-kettle of of the cacophonous fucking noises of that night. a bednxim. I recall That shit sticks with you, man. the exchange going Me.7 1 was so embarrassed by the whole inci something like this: dent that I scurried hack to my room—but not be Your voice, fore passing your bedroom. I glanced inside and— fraught with anus dammit dammit damn why did 1 do that???— your tightening angst: bedroom door was hella wide open and...well 1 “Ugh.Umph. Yea... don’t want to be graphic, housemate, but it was yeahyeahyeah, all right there, a couple of feet away from my wide uuuuuuughraw!!” and disbelieving eyes: all of your goods on display Stranger’s voice, low and commanding: “Uh- (your “friend’s” gixxls, too). 1 didn’t stick around huh, uhuhuhuhuuuuu, yeah boy, ooooh.” Smack to see if you were interested in making eye con ing sound. tact so I could maybe eye-contact-guilt you into Your voice again, crescendoing from a calming down your sex-thrashing, maybe put on whimper to a growl: “Yeah, yeah daddy, yea- some loud music to try to cover it up or at least huuuuuuuh!” Sound of bed headboard banging close the door. against the wall. There’s got to be some rule written somewhere You might be able to imagine the look on my about PC hcxikup behavior between housemates, Corner View You might be able to imagine the took on my houseguest's face: somewhere between alarmed and ailing. In conversations since, he's avoided recalling any time spent in my house at all. That shit sticks with you, man. Eat your words, Xander! but since I’m in no nuxxl to Google as 1 write this on a late Tuesday night—having just enjoyed another night of you and your houseguest-of-the- moment’s antics, vicariously, of course—I’d like to instead propose a simple solution by way of an Emily Dickinson poem: Could I—then—shut the door— Lest my beseeching face—at List— Rejected—be—of Her? This isn’t about stuffing a sock in your ram pant sex antics, however ponderous they may be. This is also not necessarily about putting a muzzle on your unassailable right to have a good, loud time in the sack. I’m certainly not one to pass judgment when it comes to sexual appetites and endeavors. But come on, dude. You’re 42 years old. You share a house with someone, someone who oc casionally likes to bring friends over for beer and conversation and music. 1 don’t know if you get off even more on the whole public stunt of what you’re up to, but my beseeching face wouldn’t, in this case, object at all to having a door shut in it. © Staff Writer S tephen M arc B eaudoin writes about Portland arts and queer culture at fromeverycomer.blogspot.com. He welcomes feedback at stephen@justout.com. We're Here With Beer Get Used To It! Night Light Lounge 3pm - 2:30am SE 21st & Clinton 503.731.6500 nightlightlounge.net LUNCH DINNER HAPPY HOUR 0470 SW HAMILTON COURT SUNDAY BRUNCH WWW AOUARIVAPORTLAND COM Ginos Restaurant 5 Bar Where friends meet for good food and vine in a relaxed atmosphere. “Life is Good’ Sunday - Thursday 4-10 pm, Friday - Saturday 1-11 pm 8051 SE 13* Hve. at Spokane in Sellwood 503-233-4613 r 8338 N. LomuaRÒ 503-247-1066
