MARCH 21, 2008
JUStOUt 43
Bright Lights, Big City
A Kentucky boy arrives in Portland—what next?
I
had forgotten what it was like.
The talking—nervous, fast and loud—like at the junior
high lunch table. The tight smile and forced laughter with
for a happy hour excursion. Because Logan was too
just a mess!” one of them said
green in town to yet navigate TriMet, my friend
Chad and I picked him up where he was staying.
to me later.) Maybe thrown off
by a new energy in the group,
a group of mostly older men, all strangers. Heavy pregame
It would be fruitless to recount the entire
we decided to wrap things up
drinking to curb the butterflies.
evening with this newly minted Stumptown
on the early side.
the scene. Being openly gay for going on 15 years now myself, I’d
queer. Suffice it to say we hit up the requisite
10 o’clock happy hour at Jake’s and sauntered
standing at a - ■r
cocktail table in the glow off
forgotten about them. That is, until Logan popped into my life. Via
(Logan, well-fueled, rather stumbled) over to
the karaoke screen, nursing
MySpace, naturally.
Boxxes for karaoke. Along the way, Chad and I
an ice-bottomed empty drink,
His first message to me was on a Tuesday, 9:49 p.m.: “hey im
tried to impart some local queer history to him:
Logan
new to portland and saw your pic and thought i would tell you that
Here’s the street comer from a famous scene in
welling eyes.
your HOT!!!”
Well how cute is that 1 thought, and clicked through to his
Gus Van Sant’s Drugstore Cowboy, there’s the
shell of a building that was once the home of a
profile, where I was greeted with a blast of pop music and a swirl
long-standing bathhouse. “This used to be called
of smiling photos. OK, so he’s not a spam-bot and doesn’t seem ill-
Vaseline Alley,” Chad explained with maybe some sadness in his
this game.”
intentioned, I thought, and responded in kind: “Hi Logan, thanks
voice. “But now everything’s moving downtown and over to the
east side.”
When he wasn’t busy throwing down Long Island iced teas or
At that moment, Logan couldn’t have articulated himself more
clearly. He’s right—how do gays learn to “play this game”? From
whom can young gays learn how to navigate the rocky gay social
and cultural terrain? For gays moving from suburban or rural areas
especially, is there any way to ease the shock of the big city? Outside
messaging friends from home on his iPhone, he was gabbing at warp
of the bars, where are the natural places for gays to come together?
Through lightly Southern-accented English, Logan told me
speed and staring at Portlanders for far too long. In one instance,
How best to battle this severe sense of isolation?
it was his very first night in Portland—that, indeed, he’d arrived
another young guy a few feet away returned his hungry glance, and
late the night before and was living with his sister in inner
Logan barked out, in his best Kentucky-ese: “What’re you starin’ at?
a conversation just last month with Q Center’s Kendall Clawson,
Northeast. I consulted his MySpace page, cell phone to one ear,
You got a problem?” I asked him to chill out.
where she identified one of the center’s top priorities: battling gay
They’re some of the telling signs of a newly out gay guy on
for your sweet message...aww shucks, well, I consider myself to be a
pretty average dude, but thanks for the vote of confidence!:) How
are you enjoying PDX so far? How long have you been in town?”
This back-and-forth messaging went on for some time, until I
finally convinced Logan to ring me. (It took some convincing.)
Then,
L
Corner View
BY STEPHEN MARC BEAUDOIN
I
looked at me with
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just
J don’t know about any of this.
I just don’t know how to play,
Logan didn’t offer much in the way of reaction (“Oh wow!
Cool!”). Or maybe his wide-eyed innocence was reaction enough.
I see this as a central failing of the queer community. I recalled w
for confirmation. It was all right there, the beautifully stark prose
I don’t mean to be dismissive of Logan, or of his background.
isolation. But 1 found myself struggling to cope with the gravity of
of his personal biography. He had typed this: “i live in oregon now.
That night, he simply seemed overwhelmed by the world. When he
Logan’s most primal question: How do 1 find myself as a gay man,
portland to be exact, i was once from henderson ky, but there was
confided during the waning minutes of the night that he was not
nothing there for me. ready to find a job, get back in school, and
openly gay in Kentucky (except to one dear female friend), that
and others like me, in a brash and busy new world?
I didn’t know what to say to him. Do you? ©
make tons of friends:)”
he’d never before stepped inside a gay bar and that he’d never kissed
Rural Kentucky...“nothing there”...move to the big city .'..get it
another man, his behaviors began to make sense.
together...start anew. I recognized those feelings, however distant
The night was winding down, and many of my friends had
they were from me now. I invited Logan out that night with friends
expressed a sort of distaste for this new entrant in our circle. (“He’s
World Beat
Soul
Staff Writer S tephen M arc : B eaudoin writes about
Portland arts and queer culture at fromevery comer .blogspot,
com. He welcomes feedback at stephen@justout.com.
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