jUStlOUt
by Marty Davis
J
What's in a Name?
VOL. 24 NO. 23
'NEWSMAGAZINE
OCTOBER 5, 2007
Plenty, at least based on the angry spewing along Interstate
he Sept. 21 issue of this column ended with my
acknowledgment that I’m not the brightest light
around when it comes to dealing with matters
identified with race and racism [“Mudslinging in
Puddletown”]. I acknowledged a specific word
usage that was at best thoughtless and at worst, well, worse.
My plan was then to set on a journey of exploration and
learn more about how my word usage could have negative
ly affected others. I had places to go and people to see.
As it turns out, 1 missed my stop.
There are reasons why 1 didn’t go down that route.
First, there came a moment of clarity wherein 1 realized
the arrogance of expecting people of color to teach me,
a white person, about race issues. Conversation and
dialogue are one thing, hand holding quite another. Doors
of candid, honest communication need to always be open,
but to expect a history lesson from someone of another
race seemed suddenly like a weak way to start an explo
ration of my own inner thoughts and feelings.
But most importantly, the two weeks after my last col
umn have found me caught up in a nonstop emotional
marathon of confusion, conflict and mental mayhem. It’s been two weeks where
the word racism has been bandied about like fall leaves in the October wind.
Racism. Such a powerful word. Often evoking immediate defensiveness,
sparking anger and creating distance, the word is usually seen keeping compa
ny with denial and resistance. It’s a hard word to bring to a table and set down
before people.
What has brought this all to the forefront of my mind the past few days is
the ongoing battle concerning the renaming of Interstate Avenue to César
Chavez Boulevard. The turmoil swirling about this proposed action has become
one of the most disturbing and contentious political and personal issues of
recent Portland history. 1 live in North Portland, I work in North Portland, and
1 deeply care about what happens here.
When 1 first heard of the proposed name change, 1 did not pay close
attention. Then suddenly the story was everywhere, and the more I read, the
angrier I became. 1 mean angry, really angry. And all my anger has been direct
ed at Mayor Tom Potter, whom 1 still believe is personally responsible for
deepening a chasm where a bridge should have been built. It’s the process that
I’ve been objecting to, or the lack thereof. Potter has created an Us vs. Them
reality that now has no place to go except from ugly to uglier.
With all my heart I want to simply stay mad and go about blustering in self-
righteousness. That would be the easiest thing to do. But nothing about this
situation is going to be easy, pretty or pleasant, including my own need to stop
hiding behind a wall of anger that might well exist only to block access to parts
of my soul of which I’d really rather keep on denying ownership.
And that brings me back to racism. For every reason that one splutters out
in objection to the name change, an accusation of racism is thrown back. Do
1 continue to deny that a part of this lies within me, or do I actually stop the BS
and kx)k honestly within myself?
!
T
FEATURE
23 WE ARE EVERYWHERE
Portland Lesbian & Gay Film Festival
provides a subculture snapshot
NEWS
So here’s what I’m going to do, and I’m going to do this quickly, because,
one, I only have limited space in this column and, two, because this is going to
be like pulling off a Band-Aid slowly. Yup, this could be a little bit painful. I’m
removing the blockage of anger that seals off my inner self from a truthful analy
sis of feeling. Yes, I’m entering the deep, dark abyss of my feelings to examine
what’s really there. What will I find?
Deep breath, here I go.
When I think about the Latino community wanting to change the name of
Interstate, I feel threatened that something is being taken away from me. I don’t
like it that they are going to have something that 1 feel belongs to me. (Add to
the childishness of this thought, please, the fact that in 28 years of living in
North Portland I’ve never once paused for a fond moment or thought about
Interstate Avenue. 1 cross it, 1 don’t fondle it.)
When 1 think about the name change, I feel selfish and territorial.
Thankfully 1 have stopped short of peeing on a street sign.
When I hear the committee members state in defiance, and self-defense, at
the Arbor Lodge Neighborhood Association meeting that they are here to stay,
beyond this one specific issue, to take their place in the greater community, to
have strong, visible roles, I feel displaced. I abhor my own reaction, but from
somewhere within me, there it lurks.
When 1 hear Potter basically state that this name change will happen, 1 feel
disenfranchised and powerless.
When I think about the name change and am feeling powerless, 1 feel anger
where others might instead feel empathy.
When I think about the name change, I feel annoyed that as a lesbian I am
expected to have more liberal political values than others.
Powerless. That’s what 1 feel. Is this racist behavior, and are these racist
feelings? I can’t yet step up and nail this sign to my own forehead. Hell, I can’t
pull the Band-Aid off slowly. I don’t do painful stuff. Why would I, when there’s
so many easy ways to avoid it?
My turmoil shall continue. No decision will be made on the name change
until the end of the year. There will be more meetings, more talks, more of it
all. Am I changing my stance and now endorsing the change?
No.
No yet.
I still have that big hunk of anger to deal with. I feel that the city did “hixxl-
wink” the citizens of North Portland. I don’t think we are treated with the same
regard and respect as, say, West Hills folks. North Portland has literally been
“dumped” upon for too long, and it’s good that we’re finally standing up and fight
ing back. We do need, though, to make ourselves heard without name-calling and
angry spewing. That just makes me feel sad and embarrassed.
In closing, here’s what I do not feel when I think about the name change. I do
not feel disregard nor disrespect for César Chávez. I do not wish to see him dis
honored in any way, shape or form. And now, with all the turmoil surrounding
this, I can’t help but wonder how a name change undertaken with such rancor
from so many could still be considered a fitting tribute to an American hero. ©
9-17 NORTHWEST
Sch<x>l training comes to Bend; bias crime
reported at pub; Queens screened in L.A.
fest; future leader skips town; ASL classes
build community; Queer History Month
celebrated; online grant offered; ISRC holds
full race; vote with your palette; style for the
environment; Onda makes 10; Adams
announces mayoral bid; to refer or repeal;
take a stand at AIDS Walk
18-19 NATIONAL
Pace acknowledges gays in military; hate
crime bill passes Senate; ENDA drops trans
protections; Republican mayor supports
marriage equality; GSA gains right to exist;
court denies marriage equality
20-21 WORLD
Brit Tories advertise in gay press; city bans
all flags to avoid gay flag; defense minister
quits amid gay conflict; more gay Canadians
counted; Ch<ivez denies gay rumor; Air New
Zealand goes gay; Ugandan tabloid outs gay
citizens; money for safe houses needed
ARTS AND CULTURE
41 FILM
Sean Penn directs Emile Hirsch in Into the
Wild, an excellent adventure partially filmed
in Oregon
42-43 THEATER
Two gays in two plays face real-life drama
from chance encounters
44 NIGHTLIFE
How Rude doubles your pleasure
46-47 CULTURE
Portland’s punkest drag queens are throwing
in the lipstick-stained towel
49 BOOKS
Chuck
Palahniuk’s latest
is a pulpy
pleasure; Nobody
Passes is a must-
read
COLUMNS
33 EPIQUEEREAN
When the Moon Hits Your Eye
35 MS. BEHAVIOR
Muscle Bound
39 OUT GOING
Creative Juices
48 DEAR ETHEL
Don’t Be S.A.D.
50 JIM'S CLOSET
The Enemies List