Just out., August 17, 2007, Page 25, Image 25

AUGUST 17. 2007 justout»
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Eugene writer learns lessons from a series of deaths around her
by Patricia L. MacAodha
ugene writer Linda Wagner self-published
her first novel, Faithful to My Heart
(Infinity Publishing, 1995; $15.95 soft-
cover), through a company based in West
Conshohocken, Pa. The book’s main
protagonist, data analyst Brooke Kent, is prodded
by her best friend, Renee, to go on an all-lesbian
cruise.
Brooke, a single, middle-aged lesbian, is in the
throes of depression after the deaths of her parents
in an accident during their second honeymoon.
Lacking the family support she has known, she
drifts through life, watching Space Prairie reruns and
allowing the occasional sex fantasy to momentari­
ly distract her from her unhappiness. Renee is
determined to rocket Brooke out of her current
space, and how better than a cruise to the South
Pacific with a ship full of other lesbians? What
happens blasts both women to a new level of
awareness about what really matters in life.
Wagner was bom in Chicago, moving with her
family to Nogales, Ariz., when she was 10. “At first
"There are ways
to make our passions
real, no matter what
they are. For me,
I only had to write."
—Linda Wagner
it was a bit of a cultural shock—from the suburbs of
the city to a niral town on the border with Mexico
where I was the only 10-year-old who did not know
Spanish,” she says.
Wagner was determined from childhood to be
a writer. She wrote plays in grade school, later
directing them. She also tried her hand at short sto­
ries and poetry.
In her junior high school journal she wrote:
“When 1 grow up, I’m going to be a writer...no,
1 am a writer now, when 1 grow up, other people
will know it." One of six siblings, she watched her
Linda Wagner became a snowboarder at the age of 43.
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l\l D Amounting for
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sisters follow the norm expected for girls:
“marry a guy, stay home and have kids, etc."
Wagner knew that she was gay in early adoles­
cence and that "1 would not follow in my
sisters’ paths."
She realized education was her ticket to
being able to support herself and create an
atmosphere that would let her write. She began
working at age 14, financing her college educa­
tion. The fear that faces many writers—that
their calling won’t feed them or pay the bills—
led her to go into a career as a “data nerd.”
A series of deaths around her—both
parents, two friends who died from cancer and
a cousin who was killed—sent her reeling, but
“within each tragedy was a gift, a lesson...and
one of rhe biggest was looking at ‘How am
I spending my time?’ ”
Through her mother’s passing, Wagner real­
ized that all the stories inside—the novel, short
stories, a children’s story and more—were wait­
ing to come out and that they were waiting for her
to unlock that dixir to her own creativity. She
remembers her mother telling her, “Find what you
love and live it."
“There are ways,” Wagner says, “to make our
passions real, no matter what they are. For me,
I only had to write.” Encouragement from her
partner at the time and from friends led her to
begin Faithful to My Heart.
At age 46, Wagner is no longer with that
lover—the 17-year relationship ended more than
two years ago. They remain friends and continue
to co-parent their 9-year-old daughter, who,
Wagner says, “is an old soul, and I learn a lot from
her.”
She fondly recalls the years growing up in
Nogales and credits those experiences with teach­
ing her “about family, connections to people,
celebrating life together and showing up when
people need support."
When not writing or working her research job,
Wagner enjoys a balanced life that is, at the same
time, active and calm. “I can be as relaxed with
a quiet evening home writing, meditating or veg-
ging out as I am out for a night of fun at a Hot
Flash dance with hundreds of other women.” She
Linda Wagner
is cautious with some portions of her life yet ever
prepared to be the daredevil (she became a snow­
boarder at 43) and “to try a new physical challenge."
She reflects the classic need of a writer for
solitude but enjoys meeting new people, being out
in nature and driving-to Portland for an evening
out. She says she lives “a grateful life,” starting each
day with gratitude for “my health, my family,
friends, a job with people I respect and the time
and support to write.”
Reflecting the pattern of many lesbian writers,
Wagner has yet to be able to become self-supporting
at her craft, keeping the day job while she writes at
night. She doesn’t seem to resent this arrangement
and contemplates “the brevity of all this" and
hopes “to make myself count in the moments I’m
here."
She says, “If I had a personalized bumper stick­
er, it would say, ‘Small gestures lead to grand
movement.’ ” •
To purchase LlNDA W agner ’ s novel, Faithful to
My Heart, contact her at LMWTrek@aoI.com.
P atricia L. M ac A odha is a Portland freelance
writer. E-mail her at patmac 3 i@juno.com.
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