IE 15 2007 lUSt OUt
eatinejout
t could he a time of life or time of year thing,
hut hahies are suddenly everywhere! 1 became
an aunt at age 10 and feel I’ve been ready to
have my own kids ever since. But it was only
in rhe past couple of years that 1 began embar
rassing myself in public over them.
I was recently out at dinner making eyes with
this adorable infant in a highchair, who happened
to be sitting just beyond the left shoulder of a
woman I’m pretty sure thought I was hitting on her.
I find myself playing impromptu hide-and-seek
with toddlers while their parents are busy being
adults having conversations with other adults.
In other words, my baby fever is spiking.
I first began preparing for the preparation of
becoming a parent by attending a Portland seminar
for prospective queer parents called “Maybe Baby"
last fall. While I’ve known since puberty that
I want to physically birth a child (I do not have
these cramps for nothing!), I was happy to learn
about the variety of ways queers can add children
into our lives. In her one-day workshop, lawyer and
social worker Lauren Mac Neill did a fantastic job
of calmly relaying statistics and resources to an
excitable crowd of expectant queer couples.
My cultural tradition tells me that someone will
always be trying to hurt, take advantage of or insult
eatincjout
eatingout
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So this spring the wife and 1 visited some friends
in California to pop the big question. “Do you want
to help us start a family?" we asked. Blank stares
spoke volumes about how vague that question was.
“Can we have your sperm?” got to the crux of the
matter. Immediately, the woman in the couple
answered with a spirited “Yes!" The man, the one
with the goods to give, was a tad more taciturn.
I tend to talk nervously to fill silences, so I rambled
about all the reasons we chose to ask them. The
woman and I were roommates when we started
dating our significant others. We all became so close
through the years that the wife and I asked the
couple to officiate at our commitment ceremony. By
M g aR'l|U |
rhe time I saw the welling of tears in the
man’s eyes, 1 knew we were golden.
But months later, when we hadn’t
heard back from them about their final
decision, we began to fear the worst.
We started preconception sessions with
a midwife to best understand our
insemination options should we have
to go with an unknown donor. We
found out two key things. First, chances
of conception are much higher using
fresh sperm. Second, inseminating
within the state is the only way to guar
antee protection under Oregon law,
which explicitly removes a donor’s legaW
relationship to a child conceived via
*
donor insemination.
What to do?
Even if our friends agreed to the
plan, we can’t afford to fly them out
each month. And 1 sure as hell don’t
want to pay for frozen sperm when it
takes an average of seven attempts to
get pregnant.
Our focus turned briefly to our local
male friends, of which we have few.
Some are married and planning to have
kids of their own; some are tube-tied,
which adds complexity to an already challenging
venture; and some are flat out not interested.
As 1 watch my best friend go through the baby
process, 1 sometimes think, “What the hell am
1 doing?” and other times think, “When is it going
to be me?”
,
In my right mind, I know my day is coming—at
least my day to start physically trying to get preg-
Staff Writer M alka GEFFEN has plenty of room in
her head. Fill it by e-mailing malka@justout.com.
WONDERING
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nant. And I know that we will get “the stuff" one 1
way or another. Until then, I can take vitamins, I
gixxl care of my hxly anil comfort in the fact that I
rhe wife anil I are going to be kick-ass moms.
Come for the coffee, •
Stay for the breakfast,
Leave when the mimosa
glass is empty.
□o’s
Hawaiian
¿AFE