JUNE 1, 2007 justput«
Creative Connection (formerly Real Connection) is
Imperial Sovereign Rose Court of Oregon is the old
a social gathering for gay men who are artists, wnters
est gay, lesbian, bi and trans social/tund-raising organ
ization in the state of Oregon Meetings are the first
or musicians or who pursue some creative activity
Noncommercial, nonjudgmental, supporting personal
creativity for novices and professionals alike Monthly
potlucks
on
the
second
Friday
/7 pm
Carl
503-2B4-2971.)
two Mondays of each month, (www.rosecourt.org.)
Jewish Gay Men's Group—please call for meeting
time and place. (503-246-5939 efraimlevi@aolcom.)
year round, including hiking, walking, cross country
and downhill skiing, rafting and mountain biking.
(PO Box 2201,
Portland,
OR 97208 2201
www adventuregroup. org.)
Film discussion group forming for gay, bi and trans
men. Share your perspective regarding portrayals of
sexual minority men in current films
activities include group outings to
(filmtalk@verizon net. I
Monthly
see films.
Foreign Film Group meets every second and fourth
Sunday to screen foreign films at vanous venues, fol
Keshet is a social connection group for queer Jews
and their spouses, partners, significant others and
good friends, whether Jewish or not It meets month
ly for potluck dinners and special events (David
Lesbian Garden Club is a group of women who love
gardens and gardening. They exchange plants, seeds,
advice and encouragement while having a good time.
Call for a copy of the newsletter and information about
Portland Gay Men's Chorus is open to singers,
upcoming events (Unda 503-909-2002)
support members and volunteers. 1503-226-2588
www.pdxgmc.org)
Portland Lesbian Choe is an informal, nonaudition com
munity chorus for women of all ages to sing, socialize
and share songs, melodies and talents Directed by Ray
Elliot, a talented and expenenced leader New members
welcome to rehearsals at Ainsworth United Church of
Chnst on an open enrollment through fall 2006.
(6:30-8:30 pm Wednesday 2941 NE Ainsworth St
portlandlesbianchoir@hotmailcom
wwwplchoirorgl
R om City Gay Freedom Band is a performance group
for queers and supportive friends of varying musical
Amazon Dragons Paddling Club invites women 16
and older to join Portland's only out lesbian dragon
boat team Be part of the fun and fitness with this
The Forest Group outings are cooperative adventures
for women. Participants are responsible for providing
their own equipment and choosing outings appropn-
ate for their skill and fitness level. All skill levels
welcome. (503-772-1860 imnoregon@comcait net
www geocities. com/ncc 1127/forestpdx)
Lesbians with Degrees is a social group that was
started for degreed women, but no degree is neces
Gay Men’s Walking Group invites gay, bi and ques
sary. Just come and join the fun! Pool parties,
Scrabble and more. (Lam 503-233-3557 Join listserv
Honing men to stroll in vanous neighborhoods around
Portland for fun, friendship and exercise. (10 am
at LesbianswDegrees-subscnbe@yahoogroups.com.)
Lulu's Pervy Playhouse is a social group for self
identifying women who are into S/M Play parties are
Saturday Tom 503-984-4549.)
Gay Women's Golf Group welcomes all levels of play
ers. (wwwturfgirizcom.)
held on the second Saturday of the month.
(503-231-3992. dykedadi@comcast net www. lulus
Lesbian Equestrian Group gets together for equestnan
activities
in
the
Pacific
Northwest
(Denise
pervyplayhouse org)
503-654-3865 Lyrm 503-777-2339 ketrav@nirop.com.)
Men Over 40 is a small, socially supportive group that
meets second and fourth Thursdays. (503-777-1376.)
Net Rippers is a gay men's indoor soccer team.
(bendovertteckham@gmail.com. wwwmyspace.com/
Night in Black Leather and The Leather Duck Club
ne trippers)
skill levels with annual fall and spring concerts.
Subgroups include the Rose City Swing band and a
are the first and third Fnday of each month at Gail s
Out Dancing teaches dancing for same-sex couples at
marching band with flag corps. Come join us!
Dirty Duck Tavern. (9 pm-midmght 439 NW Third Ave.
1503-790-2170. info@rcgfb.org wwwrcgfb.org.)
503-224-8446 orleatberfrat@yahoo.com.)
Ankeny Street Studio Classes for different dance styles
start the first Fnday of each month: country, swing,
Satori Men s Chorus welcomes new members of all
Oregon Men Envying Naturism is a social organization
tango, cha-cha, etc. Call for schedule (503-236-5129
ages and races, regardless of sexual orientation or musi
cal background, to join Wednesday rehearsals. No audi
for gay male natunstVnudists Social gathenng second
out dandng@yahoo com home att.net/- outdancing)
tion necessary (503 299-4454 wwwsatonchorusorg)
wwwomenpdx.org)
(omenpdx@omenpdx org
Saturday of every month
PDX FTM is a social group for female-to-male trans
men and their significant others, friends, families and
General
Asian b Pacific Islander Lesbians and Gays is a non
profit community' voice for gay, lesbian and bi Asian and
Pacific Islanders. Activities include potlucks, recreation
al outings and cultural events. Fnendly environment to
meet and connect with other API. (PO Box 12661,
Portland, OR 97232. aplg pdx@yahoo.com)
Bad Giris is a social and educational leather and
B/D/S/M club for self-identified women with an
emphasis on safety and education. Workshops,
discussions, events and parties. Women of all onenta-
tions can connect and ask questions dunng the Kinky
Women's Welcoming Munch at 7 pm every second
Tuesday. (503-972-2233 www.pdxbadgirls.net.)
Border Riders Motorcycle Club provides social oppor
tunities for gay men interested in recreational motorcy
cle tounng and promotes education on safe and legal
machinery. (503-281-4488. br.ncprez@yahoo.com.)
Cascade Flyers are gay, lesbian and bi aviators, both
private and professional, in Washington, Oregon and
southern British Columbia. Dinner meetings in
Portland area. (503-701-7922 casflyers@yahoo.com.
www geocities com/casflyers.)
A Common Bond is a social support network for
former or questioning Jehovah’s Witnesses who are
Portland
Association is in its 28th season! Meets Sundays at
Hollywood Bowl. Drop-ins welcome anytime (3:30 pm.
Come play cards and meet the gang New players
120 NW Third Ave Mike
503-641-7224.)
group for gay, lesbian, bi and trans people that reach
es out to Latinos and Latinas by organizing events and
retreats and advocating HIV prevention. Meets every
other Monday at Outside In. (6:30 pm. 1030 SW 13th
Ave Hugo 503 997-8615 orAudencio 503-261-5463.)
Portland Leather Alliance is one of the largest pan-
nonprofit B/D/S/M.
leather and fetish
lifestyle organizations in the Northwest. Regular
social and educational opportunities, including
KinkFest, Leather Ball and Fall Vendors Fair.
Portland Leather Mon meet every second Saturday
for potluck and socializing Meet men into a leather
lifestyle and keep abreast of leather happenings. No
dues, no formal organization, no officers or board, just
leather
for
socialization
past
the
21
years
marathoner, Portland Frontrunners welcomes gay,
lesbian, bi and trans people of all abilities and
interests.
(Gary
info@portlandfrontrunnersorg
www portlandfrontrunners org)
Join the R om City Softball Association. Oregon's
largest gay sports organization, for open and women's
divisions of slow-prtch softball. Regular season games
are played throughout the summer at Gordon Faber
Recreational Complex in Hillsboro. All levels of expen-
are
welcome.
(4450
NW
229th
Ave.
square dance club, dances at mainstream and plus
levels (PO Box 5352. Portland, OR 97228-5352
www rosetownramblers com)
All levels of play welcome. First time is free, subse
quent times are $7. Please join usl (8 am-noon.
503-788-8192 teamportlandtennis@yahoocom.)
YOUTH
its, golf events, hiking, kayaking, cycling, Scrabble
Children
games and movie nights and keeps you aware of
what's going on in the area. (PDXLesbianNetwork
(COLAGE) is the only international organization specif
subscribe@yahoogroupscom.)
parents (colage@lmfamilyorg wwwcolageorg)
Portland Metro Prime Timers is a social group for
Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network
mature gay men and those who appreciate them, com
ing together for social, educational and cultural purpos
(GLSEN) strives to assure that each member of every
school community is valued and respected, regardless
F.A.G. PDX (Femme Affinity Group Portland), a radical
es. (PO Box 5884, Portland, OR 97228. 503 286-4613
or
360-693-5506
pdxprimetimers@yahoo.com
of
Lesbians
and
Gays
Everywhere
ically supporting young people with sexual minority
of sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.
(12700 SW North Dakota St . Suite 180 ft 129, Tigard.
www geocities com/pdxpnmetimers)
OR 97223 503-525-1177 glsen@glsenoregon org
Rainriders Motorcycle Club meets weekly at the
wwwglsenoregon org.)
Roxy. Ride your bike or just come meet the group
House of MOCHA (Men of Color Healthy b Aware)
50+ lesbian social group for women meets on the
Everyone welcome (10 am Sunday 1121 SW Stark St.
is a group of gay/bi/same-gender-loving men of color
third Saturday of the month (4-7 pm 503-642 3360 or
www.pdx-rrmc com.)
between 16 and 25 who want to engage in activities,
socials and community events among their peers
503-288-1870 sutaytig@aol.com.)
Rose
City
Discussion
Club,
the
largest
open
FTM Pacific NW OR b WA is a social and discussion
pansexual/altemative sexuality club in the Northwest,
(Kourtni 503-417-7991 wwwbrotobropdx org.)
group for female-to-male trans men. (groups yahoo
com/group/FTM PacificNW)
is open to all onentations, fetishes and lifestyles that
are safe, sane and consensual. Monthly meetings,
Outside In operates a clinic for anyone who can t
qualify for the Oregon Health Plan as well as needle
Funny Ladies, a social group for nice lesbians 35 and
older as well as their fnends and loved ones, holds
workshops and newsletter (503-972-1869 rcdc@
teleport com www rcdc org.)
exchange services that include those who inject
hormones Provide transitional housing for youth 20
potlucks on the second Saturday of each month (flataps
Sappho Social Club is a group of women 40 years
@yahoo com.)
and older building community through social and cul
Gay Men Who Have Lost Their Partners meets at
tural activities. (thesapphosocialclub@yahoo com )
the West Cafe to provide an opportunity for conversa
Social OUTings is a social group for all interested in
tion and socializing. The death need not have occurred
1201 SW
meeting people and doing activities other than bar
hopping (kyleinportiand@yahoo com)
Genealogy group forming Gather with other lesbian
gathering for gay and bi men who are interested in
researchers to trace your family tree and tackle "back-
a healthy vegetarian or vegan lifestyle A variety of
activities and monthly potlucks on the last Saturday
recently (7:30 pm second Wednesday
Jefferson St. 503-701-9376)
wall” female ancestors. (famhistnw@aol com.)
Happy Ours Productions is a grassroots group dedicat
I was dating a young man named Alan for about
a year. He was approximately 16 years younger than
I am and just embarking on his life as an adult. He
was wise, witty and charming.
The problem came with his mother, who he
wished to include in nearly every event, holiday, din
ner out or drive to the beach. He kept saying he
“really” wanted me to love his mother. She was fine.
Alan, on the other hand, was clingy.
Ultimately, we parted ways, but he has insisted
that he wishes to be friends. We have attempted to
do so, but I find him to be incredibly hostile toward
me now. This is puzzling, as our parting was amicable, and I thought becoming friends
would be a no-brainer.
Can you shed any light? Do I have to put up with hostility to be this young man’s
friend? Is there some way to reason him out of it?
—Mr. J
D ear M r .
J:
Alan wanted you to love his mother because he hadn’t yet broken away from her.
Since he missed out on an important developmental stage—separation and individua
tion—Mommy is still very primary in his life. Normally, adolescents go through this stage
(which is when their parents become morons who don’t know anything) and rebel and
act out. Unfortunately, as a teenager, Alan probably remained loving and couldn’t under
stand why his friends thought their parents sucked.
Ultimately, his attempt to skip over this crucial step means that he still doesn’t know
how to separate successfully. So it makes sense that breaking away from you involves a lot
of hostility. He’s still practicing for splitting from his mother. It might help you to know
that it’s not personal. You can’t reason with him; you might just have to take a step back
from your friendship until he grows up a bit.
What’s the take-home message for you? You’ll probably find that you’re more likely to
have a successful relationship with someone a little closer to your own age, Daddy.
Rosetown Ramblers, Portland's gay and lesbian
Portland Lesbian Book Club gathers monthly to chat
activist and social group open to self-identified femmes
of all genders, seeks to create solidarity among femmes,
the community at large (wwwnotsorryorg/fagpdx )
Whether you're a running novice or a seasoned
Team Tennis meets Sundays at University of Portland.
Portland Lesbian Network organizes brewpub vis
promote femme visibility and combat femmephobia in
Bowling
(360-896-6665 plm@direcway com.)
a female sex at birth but identify otherwise (female-to
male, genderqueer, drag king, etc.). First Sunday meet
novices always welcome (503 281-2076 bighnboy@
D ear M s . B ehavior :
www rosecitysoftball org.)
portlandlesbianbookclub I
aracnet.com.)
Community
4030 NE Halsey St. Mailing address PO Box 42034,
Portland, OR 97242 503 722-0438 pdxbowl@
ence
(www pdxleatheralliance org)
Coqsure is a social group for people who were assigned
other month in a Portland dungeon. Masters and
Lesbian
Comcast net www pdxbowl com)
queer. (acbportland@webtv net.)
Dungeon Men PDX hosts a men's S/M party every
b
Gay
Poder Latino is a nonprofit social community voice
about a chosen book or to attend selected events.
(6:30 pm third Tuesday groups.yahoo.com/group/
ings are open to partners and families of any configura
tion. (503-471-1515. groups yahoo com/group/coqsure.)
(www. outkayaking. org.)
The gay Pinochle Group meets Sundays at Hobo's.
sexual,
Clingy boyfriend missed out
on a key stage in development
OutKayaking. Portland's gay and lesbian sea kayak
group, explores the lakes, nvers and bays of
northwest Oregon and southwest Washington.
allies. (groups.yahoocom/group/PDXFTM)
always welcome 16 pm
Mommie Dearest
dynamic group, (www amazondragons org.)
503-226-7079, ext 14, or Mike 503-331-1111.)
lowed by a group discussion Ipdxgayfilmtivyahoo com.)
503-727-3306.
Physical Recreation
Adventure Group organizes a variety of activities
Soyboys Vegetarian Men’s Group is a fun, social
Iveggieguys @aol. com.)
and younger and for those HIV-positive and younger
than 23 Need volunteers of all ages (10 am-6 pm
Monday-Friday 1132 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3800
www outsidein org)
Pride Project brings together Washington County
queer and questioning youth to plan and attend month
ly social events Also information, referral and advoca
cy services in Washington County.
503-260-5792 austin@pndepn>iect org)
(Austin
Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center (SMYRC)
offers support, recreation, counseling and referral to
gay, lesbian, bi and trans kids 23 and younger Drop-
ed to building the visibility, community participation and
collective leadership of lesbian women of color through
Women of the Rivers, the Portland/Vancouver chapter
of the Women on Wheels Motorcycle Club, meets
in computer access, pool tables and an informal
place to hang out. Weekly trans, leadership and art
a wide variety of social, networking, consciousness
raising and action-onented activities, events and
monthly at Elmer's, sponsors riding clinics and takes
day tnps. (7:15 pm second Thursday 9848 N Whitaker
support group meetings (4-9 pm Wednesday,
4-11 pm Friday 2100 SE Belmont St. 503-872-9664
projects (www happyoursproductions com)
Road www womenofthenvers org.)
www smyrc org I
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D ear M s . B ehavior :
“Suzie” is my longtime friend; we’ve always been close and confided in each other. Two
years ago, my partner and I got married and moved 20 miles away from the town where Suzie
and I lived. For a while, Suzie and I did well with maintaining our friendship.
However, during the past year our time together has become less frequent. When 1 try
to make plans, 1 can’t get an answer from Suzie; usually she wants to wait and see if she
can squeeze me in. I think she takes our friendship for granted.
During the time we do spend together, Suzie—who is straight—obsesses about the gay
men in her life and her relationship (or maybe desire for one) with them. She wants to draw
me into her conflict about that, but I don’t think 1 have anything left to add to that dialogue.
The thought of this friendship ending is very sad to me, but 1 am not sure where else
we can go. The question is do I talk about the fact that 1 no longer want her as a friend?
Do I need to “officially" end the friendship? Or do I just let it go?
—Roxie
D ear R oxie :
If you were a dude, particularly a straight dude, the answer would be easy. You’d just
let the friendship wither away until the problem took care of itself and there was nothing
left to clean up. But because you’re a lesbian, you err on the side of “processing.” You’re
genetically compelled to at least consider hashing it all out. And because you’re trying to
be conscious about it, as opposed to letting the friendship just rot like a pile of compost,
you have choices to make.
The big question is whether you feel there’s anything left in your friendship that’s
worth saving. Given your long friendship history, if you still have any shred of desire to
be friends, there’s no harm in having a conversation about what’s been difficult for each
of you. It will probably be clarifying in some way.
If you really feel it’s over, you still don’t need to have a conversation to “officially” end
the friendship. This isn’t a breakup. Sometimes friends drift apart but still manage to stay
in one another’s lives in a less constant way, and there’s no reason to eliminate that option
just because you’re feeling hurt right now.
You want to tie this friendship in a neat little package and toss it away because you feel
uncomfortable about not knowing how things will evolve. But sometimes it’s better to sit
quietly and wait: The tide comes in. The tide goes out, Little Grasshopper. •
MERYL C ohn is the author of Do What 1 Say: Ms. Behavior's Guide to Gay and Lesbian
Etiquette. Signed copies are available directly from the author. Send questions or
correspondence to msbehavurr@aol.com.