_________ may 20. 2005 »
Nups
and
downs
Or: Pew, this church smells funny
used to enjoy weddings.
Having been bom into an atheist house
hold, I would always marvel at the ornate
altars and cryptic rituals of church cere
monies as a child. Holy water fascinated me—
1 presumed it had magical powers, like a foun
tain of youth.
Today, on those rare occasions when I find
myself listening to an otherwise rational adult
rambling on about holy ghosts, 1 can’t help
thinking: “You guys really buy this nonsense?
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but
did you flunk science?”
So when a high school friend from Salem
invited me to his wedding at a Presbyterian
church, I was cautiously optimistic. Yeah, he’s a
Republican, but he has gay friends; how bad
could it be?
Worse than I ever could’ve imagined.
Maybe it’s me. Ever since same-sex marriage
became the hottest topic next to Paris Hilton
and Bennifer II, I’ve been particularly sensitive
to heterosexist language at weddings.
This preacher was particularly, er, preachy.
She immediately launched into a definition-of-
marriage rant about how God created males
and females, how marriage is nothing without
God, etc. I’m not sure if I was more offended as
a homo or as a freethinker.
Then she made a pointed remark about
how words lose their meaning from
eneration to generation, but
some things should never
change. Was this a wed
ding or a political rally for
the Defense of Marriage
Coalition?
Worse, this conservative com
ment was spewing from the mouth of a woman
officiating at the wedding of an interracial cou
ple. Uh, did I miss something here? If not for
progress, this whole service wouldn’t be taking
place!
As a card-carrying member of the American
Civil Liberties Union, 1’11 defend everyone’s
freedom of religion and freedom to throw an
offensive and tacky wedding. However, as a
human being, I’m troubled why people would
invite their friends to an event that is guaran
teed to make a great deal of them feel un
comfortable and, frankly, unwelcome.
It’s sorta like inviting an alcoholic to a party
where only b<x>ze is being served. Sure, he’s the
only guy in the room who will go home thirsty,
but then why’d you ask him to show' up?
I’m thinking now is the time for a little civil
disobedience. The idea popped into my head
while shopping for a wedding present at RE1,
where the couple had registered for such essen
tials as a $90 pair of hiking Fxxits. (Hell, forget
hospital visitation—I demand the right to
make everyone buy me and my future hubby
lots of stuff!)
As I collected dust waiting in the lengthy
line, 1 decided that the next time I’m invited
to a het wedding, I’m going to get these privi
leged couples something of real value. I’ll figure
out how much money 1 would’ve spent on that
china platter or that melon bailer, and I’ll
donate the money to the American Civil Lib
erties Union in their name.
It might irk some newlyweds that they
won’t be receiving those linens with the
obscenely high thread count, but 1 truly feel
like this is a moral imperative until we have
marriage equality. In other words: No justice,
no sheets. jn
?»
Feel Better
I
Arts and Culture Editor JlM RADOSTA needs
your feedback. Write to jim@justout.com.
just out,49
1
«Il
y
Jim's Closet
by Jim Radosta
THE TOP SHELF
So many choices, so little time.
The inner east side will be swarm
ing with gender-bending musicians
May 22, so plan ahead for maxi
mum enjoyment. Here’s a suggested
minute-by-minute itinerary:
8 p.m.: Start out at Holocene’s Indie All
Stars Show, a daylong extravaganza to cele
brate the 15th anniversary of Curve, the
nation’s best-selling lesbian magazine. Sched
uled to perform during the first hour of the
evening showcase are queer rockers Excuse Me
Sir; spoken word artists Marie Fleischmann and
Inga Muscio, the author of Cunt; and drag
kings Johnny Mozzarella, Ricky Z. Starr and
DK PDX.
9 p.m.: Now it’s time to Double Your Plea
sure at gay-owned and newly expanded Crush
with Bollywood DJ Anjali and genderfucking
trip-hopper Flava Kelly. Proceeds benefit the
Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center.
10 p.m.: Relocate to the Doug Fir Lounge
for Snatch: A Dyke Knight. This month’s
headliners are Lipstick Conspiracy, the world’s
only al I-trans rock band.
11 p.m.: Head back to Holocene, where
T-reXXXa and Pom Pom Meltdown will be
bringing the party, and the weekend, to a cli
mactic finish.
You’ve probably never heard of the
Forest Film Fest—this is only its
second year at the modestly sized
Clinton Street Theater—but based
on the caliber of indie shorts competing this
weekend, the festival seems destined to thrive.
As a judge for this year’s festival, I won’t
divulge how I voted, but I can recommend sev
eral highlights:
Animation (9 p.m. May 20): John Cer-
nak’s “Joyride,” a wild adventure set to Queen’s
“Bicycle Race,” and “Dear Sweet, Emma,”
a sick-and-wrong story of a grieving grandma.
Family Fiction (5 p.m. May 21): “Little
Red Jiving Hood,* a Jewish musical version of
rhe classic fairy rale, and “Apology,” a teen
drama that packs more emotion into 20 min
utes than an entire season of Gilmore Girls.
Fiction (7 p.m. May 21): Comedies “Sad
dam 17,” about one of Hussein’s look-alikes
coming to America, and “A Couple on the
Side," about opposite-sex roommates dabbling
in the swinger lifestyle.
Local Fiction (9 p.m. May 21): “8 Minutes
to Love," starring Sandra Oh (Sideways) as a
speed (dating) freak, and “Sterile Packaging,”
in which Sissyboy scribe Mark “Zebra” Thomas
provides a startling answer to the question,
“Where do dolls come from?”
Student Fiction (5 p.m. May 22): “Pee
Shy,” a campfire story with a twist, and “The
Death of Thecxlore Graham,” a buddy film
about the title character’s date with the Grim
Reaper.
f
Don Valerio, MD
Board Certified Internal Medicine
Fanno Creek Clinic
2400 SW Vermont Portland (503) 452-0915
______
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