January 7.2005 ’ JllSt Oilt 37
Bollywood vs. Bollywood
How I spent my winter vacation
11:15 p.m. Dec. 24: Digging through old
family photos on Christmas Eve, I came across
my parents’ 1974 holiday card: a pic of their
gay son striking his first pose on a red carpet.
9:23 p.m. Dec. 17: “She’s like a Muppet!”
1 whispered to a friend while watching Dolly
Parton croon “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” from
our back-row seats at the Rose Garden. The
Busty One was perched atop a grand piano,
holding an oversize martini glass and cigarette
holder—always in character and proudly self-
aware that she never takes life seriously. At 58,
the legendary entertainer realizes all that mat
ters is the music, which was mesmerizing at
times and goofy at others (particularly when
she sang “I Will Always Love You” to an Elvis
Sissyboy co-founder Sol writhed in agony on
impersonator).
stage. These guys deserve a pat on the butt for
2:32 a.m. Dec. 19: Speaking of Muppets,
pulling the rug out from under their audience
Kennit the Frog made a cameo on Saturday
with an important message that everyone
Night Live for a tender Christmas duet with
needs to hear.
Robert De Niro. But he croaked when the host
7:49 p.m. Jan. 1: Departing DollywcxxJ for
puckered up for a kiss: “I have to warn you—
Bollywood, I watched two bandits bond while
1 am a boy frog.” Unfazed, Bobby replied,
singing, whistling and playing harmonica
“Yeah, 1 knew that,” and smooched Kennie’s
together on a musical motorcycle ride in
forehead. Aww.
Sholay— which was screened for a special
And this was just the beginning of the
installment of Atlas, Holocene’s twice-monthly
show’s most subversive episode ever, which fea
Bhangra night. The main characters were a
tured several segments about same-sex nups,
pair of sexy, stylish straight men who displayed
including the gay marriage of Star Jones and
more affection for each other in an Indian film
Al Reynolds (meow!); a commercial for
from 1975 than you’ll likely find in any Ameri
W<x>mba (“new from the makers of Roomba— j can film from 2005.
the first fully automated, completely robotic
7:30 p.m. Dec. 23: The subcontinent was
feminine hygiene product”); and a twisted
three days away from devastation when I
arrived in Salem to continue a
15-year tradition: getting together
with old high schrxil buddies for a
pleasant potluck and a nithless gift
exchange. A dozen folks showed
up this year—one-quarter of
■ÄU-
whom came out as queer after
graduating in 1990.
Among the no-shows was the
♦
dude whose campaign speech for
senior class president ended with
the infamous words, “If you don’t
vote for Mike Matsel, you’re
probably an....” Pals planted in
the auditorium then yelled, “Ass
hole!” This stunt led to instant
infamy as well as victory at the
ballot box (how could he go wrong
Jim Radosta, 2, throws a glance at his 4-year-old brother,
with such a steadfast slogan?), but
Charles, circa Christmas 1974
Principal Patterson disqualified his
cartoon from Robert Smigel in which Santa
candidacy. Now he works at Microsoft.
Mike couldn’t make it to the party because
Claus bypassed red states (his map referred to
them as “Dumbf***istan”) because “they won’t
he was visiting a friend in India. Panic set in
when the tsunami struck, but it was replaced
let Moby marry a guy!” (“Actually, Santa, I’m
by relief when this headline ran Hee. 29 in my
not gay,” the techno musician told Kris
hometown rag, The Statesman Urinal: “Salem
Kringle, who exclaimed: “Ho, ho, ho!
Man Survives Tsunami in India.”
Puh-lease! 1 see you when you’re ‘sleeping’!”)
It’s the closest I’ve come to a Christmas
12:22 a.m. Dec. 30: Dolly*made an encore
miracle. jrn
appearance—sorta—during “Sissyboy Goes to
the Trailer Park.” I went in prepared for the
Arts and Culture Editor JlM RAlX'tSTA needs your
radical drag punks to deliver another un
feedback. Write to jim@justout.com.
predictable performance skewering everything
sacred, and I wasn’t disappointed. The show
focused on Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie’s
trannie twins taking out the trash—complete
with a Twinkie fixxl fight, a pregnant woman
—
“It’s just makeup.”
Q* n) — Miss Gay Seattle XL Alcksa
giving birth to a six-pack of PBR and a live
rendition of “Jolene” by Fannie Mae (easily the
~v
Manila, calming the fears of gasping
troupe’s most unhinged member), who
yuppies when Pink Martini’s Thomas
launched into Dolly’s gentle ballad after catch
Lauderdale invited the Filipino drag queen to
serenade the crowd Dec. 28 at Crystal Ballroom.
ing her cheating husband in the act—punctu
ating the chorus with, “You fucking bitch!”
The strange yet sublime show also featured gay
What I didn't see coming amid all this satire director David Weissman (The Cockettes) x
was a hard-hitting number about the dangers
playing “Oh Susanna” on the harmonica...
of crystal meth. Scary before-and-after photos
using his nostril.
of gaunt addicts flashed across a screen while
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