decentar U. 2004 - jU S t O llt
ADVICE
▼
S P IR IT U A L IT Y
Metro: Spirituality
Anawim Community of gay men meets weekly for
Chnstian meditation and prayer (7 30 pm Thursday
503 281 0722.) (7/05)
Atkinson Memorial Church a Unitarian
Universalis! church, provides a spintual home for those
looking for a liberal-minded, supportive and canng
congregation in Oregon City (10 30 am Sunday
710 Sixth St. 503-656- 7296 Ì (7/05)
Bridgeport United Church of Christ >s a
community of progressive, political people explonng
and celebrating the Chnstian faith We are sexual
minority and straight, multicultural and multiracial,
and our children are valued members (10:30 am
Sunday 621 NE 76th Ave. 503-258 0992
www bndgeportucc org.) (7/05)
Congregation P'nai Or (Paces of Light) is a vibrant,
egalitarian. Jewish Renewal congregation in Portland
Meets several times a month at Portland State
University Campus Ministnes (PO Box 42187.
Portland. OP 97242 0187 503 248 4500
www pnaiorpdx org ) (7/05)
Eastrose Fellowship Unitarian Universalist a
welcoming congregation, offers Sunday service and
children's religious education (1030 am 1133 NE
181st Ave , Gresham 503 665 2628
office@eastrose.org. www eastrose org.) (7/05)
Eckankar—Religion of the Light and Sound of
God holds worship services and maintains a library of
matenals Learn how the Divine Spint works throughout
your own life in today's world (10 am Sunday 7904 SE
Milwaukie Ave. 503-233-1595 www eckankar.org.)
(7/05)
fellowship and worship Bible and book study groups.
Sunday school and nursery care. (1030 am Sunday
494 E Mam St 503-648 4341 www hillsboro ucc org )
(7/05)
First Unitarian Church of Portland is an open and
affirming liberal religious community offenng a wide
range of programs to nurture spintual growth, commum
ty and social justice. Sunday service 9 and 11 am
(1011 SW 12th Ave 503-228 6389
www hrstumtananportland o rg ) (7/05)
Gay and Lesbian Outreach (GALO) of St Philip
Nen Catholic Church celebrates an affirming Mass
followed by a social (7 3 0 pm Fnday Pauhst Center.
2408 SE 16th Ave 503 231 4955) (7/05)
Integrity ¡s a group of sexual mmonty Episcopalians
and fnends Vanous locations throughout Oregon
(Steven Norcross or Bruce 503 286 9111
brucepdxorQcomcast net www mtegntyusa o rg ) (7/05)
Interfaith Spiritual Center houses spintual direc
tors from vanous world religious traditions, who are
available for guidance, classes and retreats (Second
Floor. 3910 S E IIth Ave 503-233-2026. ext 3
www mterfaithspintualcentercom) (7/05)
Koinonia Catholic Community >s a progressive,
small faith community that gathers weekly to celebrate
Euchanst at Bndgeport United Church of Chnst A wel
coming congregation. Catholic in tradition and
Ecumenical in membership (6 pm Sunday 621 NE 76th
Ave 503 699 0473 www koinomacommunity o rg )
(7/05)
Metanoia Peace Community United Methodist
Church is a "house church" that bnngs gay and
straight together Daily morning prayer and Sunday
evening worship. (503 281-3697.
wwwtearsoupcom/metanoia) (7/05)
Enneagram Community of Portland offers men-
tonng. therapy, spintual direction, classes, workshops
and retreats (enneagrampdx@aol com
www. enneagramportland. com.) (7/05)
Metropolitan Community Church of Portland
holds ecumenical Sunday morning worship services at
9 and 11 am Sunday school for children is held dunng
the 11 am service (2400 NE Broadway 503-281 8868
mfo@mccportlandcom wwwmccportlandcom.) (7/05)
Faith United Methodist Church is a welcoming
congregation that values and affirms the sacredness of
all people We invite and encourage everyone to find a
place in the family of God (10 15 am Sunday
27400 SE Stark S t . Troutdale 503 6 6 1 -4520) (7/05)
Nichiren Buddhist Temple of Portland offers
several weekly gatherings Everyone welcome1 (10 am
Sunday. 7 30 am Tuesday and Thursday 7 30 pm
Wednesday meditation. 2025 SE Yamhill St
503-232 8064 www mchiren-shu org/portland) (7/05)
First Congregational United Church of Christ
is an open and affirming congregation in the liberal
Chnstian tradition Church school and nursery care
(10.25 am Sunday 1126 SW Park Ave 503 228-7219)
(7/05)
Peace Church of the Brethren is a welcoming
congregation ( I I am Sunday 12727 SE Market St.
503 254-6380 ) (7/05)
First Congregational United Church of Christ
of Hillsboro is an open and affirming congregation
explicitly welcoming everyone into its Chnstian community.
Portland Center for Spiritual Growth is a center
for worship, growth and leadership that adheres to an
all-inclusive spintual philosophy similar to 12-step. Unity
and Religious Science Impromptu wedding ceremonies
available (503-777-0727
www portlandcenterorg) (7/05)
Portland Radical Faeries meet twice a month
with potlucks and circles at the full moon and the
new moon Open to all men seeking alternative
spiritual growth and community Coffee hours start
9 30 am Saturdays at 3 Friends Coffeehouse.
201 SE 12th Ave (503235 0826
otterQpcez com ) (7/05)
Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship is a support
organization for former and current Adventists
who are queer as well as their family and fnends
(PO Box 49375. Sarasota. F i 342306375
866 732 5677 officeQsdakmship org
www sdakmship o rg ) (7/05)
DONALD I HORN
Southminster Presbyterian Church is an
active member of the Community of Welcoming
Congregations Sunday school, nursery care,
classes, community service activities and events
for all ages and interests (9 am Sunday chapel
service. 10 am Sunday mam worship service
12250 SW Denney Road. Beaverton
503 644-2073 staffQsouthmm com
www southmm com ) (7/05)
St. Andrew Catholic Church invites all to pm
a diverse faith community for prayer and fellow
ship (930 am Sunday. Noon Spanish language
service 806 NE Alberta St 503281 4429 ) (7/05)
M iss America, you ain't seen nothin'
yet! Triangle Productions presents the
hilarious spoof Pageant through
Dec. 23.
Y O U T H
Metro: Youth
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education
Network (GLSEN) strives to assure that each mem
ber of every school community is valued and respect
ed. regardless of sexual orientation or gender
identity/expression (12700 SW North Dakota St..
Suite 180*129. Tigard. OP 97223 503-525-1177.
glsenQglsenoregon org. www glsenoregon o rg ) (7/05)
Outside In operates a clime for anyone who can't
qualify for the Oregon Health Plan as well as needle
exchange services that include those who mpet hor
mones Provide transitional housing for youth 20 and
younger and for those HIV-positive and younger than
23 Need volunteers of all ages (10 am 8 pm Monday-
Fnday 1132 SW 13th Ave 503 535-3800
www outsidem.org.) (7/05)
Prids Project bnngs together Washington County
queer and questioning youth to plan and attend monthly
St. James Lutheran Church a Reconciled in
Chnst congregation, welcomes all people for track
tional, liturgical worship where we expenence
God's reconciling love that sets all people free (9
and 11 am Sunday 1315 SW Park Ave
social events Also information, referral and advocacy
services m Washington County (Molly 503260 5792
mollyGpndeproiect org.) (7/05)
Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center
(SMYRC) offers support and recreation to gay.
lesbian, bi and trans youth 23 and younger Drop-m
computer access, pool tables and an informal place to
hang out Weekly support meetings include Trans Youth
Group and the creative group Personal Deity Proxy
(4 8 pm Monday and Wednesday 4 pm midnight Friday
and Saturday 2100SE Belmont St. 503 8729664
TTY 503-231 9286 www smyre org ) (7/05)
Eastern Oregon: Youth
Eastern Oregon Center for Independent
Living offers support and advocacy to gay. lesbian, bi.
trans and questioning youth m Eastern Oregon (1021
SW Sth Ave Ontario 5 4 18 89 31 19 or 8662488369
eocilOeocil org. www eocil o rg ) (7/05)
503-227-2439 www st/ameslutheranportland o rg )
(7/05)
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church has been wel
coming all people since 1863 (12 10 pm Wednesday
and 7 45 and 10 am Sunday Sunday school and child
care at 10 am 1432 SW 13th Ave 503 223 6424 )
(7/05)
SisterSpirit offers women's spirituality celebrations,
discussion groups, a drumming circle, workshops and
classes Schedule of events available All women are
welcome (Suite 102. 3430 SE Belmont St. Mailing
address PO Box 9246. Portland. OP 97207
503 7363297 sistersp@teleport com ) (7/05)
Trinity Episcopal Cathedral a welcoming and
affirming congregation, invites all to worship services
and ongoing programs in spintual development,
community outreach, music and arts education (8 am
Sunday Pile I chapel service 10 am Sunday Rite II
cathedral service 147 NW 19th Ave. 503-222-9811.
www tnmty-episcopal o rg ) (7/05)
Unitarian Universalist Community Church of
Washington County is an open and affirming liberal
religious community offenng a variety of enrichment pro
grams in addition to community and social action oppor
tunities (9 and 11 am Sunday 22785 NW Birch St .
Hillsboro 503-648-1720 www uuccwc o rg ) (7/05)
Waveriy Heights United Church of Christ is
open and affirming with worship, children’s school and
child care (10 am summer, 11 am school year
3300 SE Woodward St 503 238 1337
pastor@wavertyucc org www waverlyucc org ) (7/05)
Wy'east Unitarian Universalist Congregation
is an open and liberal religious community offenng
mtergenerational services and religious education for
youth and adults We welcome gay. lesbian, bi and trans
members and nurture spintual growth living by Umtanan
Universalist principles (4 pm Sunday 3915 SE Steele
St. 503 777-3704 www wyeast pnwd uua o rg ) (7/05)
Zion United Church of Christ an open and affirm
ing congregation, is open to gay. lesbian, bi. trans and
heterosexual people who wish to worship in a Chnst-
centered. warm, canng, multiage/race/cultural faith
community (11 am Sunday 11030 am summer!
2025 NE 23rd A v e . Gresham 503-665 8741.) (7/05)
Central Oregon: Spirituality
United Church of Christ Congregational is an
open and affirming congregation in The Dalles (9 20 am
adult Sunday school. 1030 am worship 1930 am
summer). I l l EFifth St 541 296 2909 ucccongl@
netcnct net www formmistry com/usorucofcucocc.)
(7/05)
Washington: Spirituality
Abundant Life Center assists the community in
spintual growth. (10am Sunday I I I W 39th St..
Vancouver The Rev Kathleen Verigin 360-573 2626
www abundant life-center o rg ) ( 7/05)
Longview United Methodist Church is welcom
mg and reconciling (10 am Sunday 2851 30th A ve .
Longview 360 4 2 5 4 9 2 7 )0 /0 5 )
Metropolitan Church of the Gentle Shepherd
in Vancouver welcomes you (10 30 am and 6 3 0 pm
Sunday worship Bible study follows morning worship
2200 Broadway St The Rev Hamel Barshofsky
360695 1480) (7/05)
Michael Servitus Unitarian Universalist
Fellowship a Welcoming Congregation, provides a
home for the liberal religious spint (9 30 and 11:15 am
Sunday 4505 E 18th St.. Vancouver 360 695-1891.)
(7/05)
Willamette Valley: Spirituality
First Congregational Church United Church of
Chnst is an open and affirming congregation offenng
worship and church school Child care provided and
wheelchair accessible (9 30 am Sunday learning hour.
1030 am worship 700 Manon St NE. Salem
503 363 3660 7 (7/05)
Metropolitan Community Church Two Rivers is
a Chnstian church with pnmary outreach in the sexual
minonties community (6 30 pm Sunday 1166 Oak St .
Eugene) (7/05)
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
to gay. lesbian, bi. trans and questioning youth xi
Vancouver Meets every Tuesday in the basement of
Youth House (6-8 pm 1112 Columbia St John
360695 1 32 5)0/05 )
Willamette Valley: Youth
Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender and
Questioning Youth Group for ages 13 to 18 offers
support, information and fun in Eugene Free, confiden
tial. adult facilitated (Drop m 4 8 pm Fnday Amaion
Community Center. 2700 HAyard St 541-684-3466)
(7/05)
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Youth
Group lor ages 25 and younger meets every Monday
in Eugene (5 pm Koinonia Center. 1414 Kmcad St
541 346 1134 ) ( 7/05)
Drama queen dethroned
Will blames Grace instead of dealing
w ith his Mommy issues
D ear M s . B ehavior :
2. A t what point
Several years ago,
does the victim need
1 met a straight
to “get over it”? I
female co-worker
don’t know the appro
who instantly
priate grieving/recov-
became my “fag hag.”
ery time for child-
We went everywhere
hcxxl sexual abuse.
together, told each
Twenty years seems
other everything and
long to me.
were platonic soul
3. My mother
mates. After a dra
believes she should
matic falling-out, 1
treat all of her chil
tossed her to the curb
dren equally. Steve
for her inability to be
hates Mom for treat
a good friend— her
ing Ed equally. To me,
selfish neediness had
it seems Steve has
gotten on my nerves.
become the abuser
1 quickly replaced her with my new
when he inflicts his anger and guilt
fag hag, and we became inseparable.
on Mom.
Then, problems arose in our relation
4.
Steve refuses to have
ship. It became apparent that she had
Thanksgiving with Mom and myself
deeper feelings for me. Her drama-
because he is upset that we saw Ed
queen tendencies and neediness began
when he was in town recently. Steve
to remind me of fag hag No. 1.
has been seeing a psychiatrist for a
It’s been almost six months since
year or two and demands that Mom
I’ve seen her. My life is more drama-
pay for his counseling. T he psychia
trist should he helping him get over
free, but I miss having that one per
son to count on to do stuff with, talk
the past, hut instead, Steve’s anger
to and share special moments with.
! toward Ed is growing.
I loathe the idea of spending time
Steve has always been my favorite
with either of my previous hags, for
person. I’d like to respond to the sit-
fear that their dramatic ways will
; uation in the best way, and also to
complicate my life, but I kind of miss
know if Steve is acting appropriately
them. Should I take them back?
! or if he is taking it ttx> far.
Should I find a new hag? Do 1 just
— Sister o f a Very Bitter Brother
need a gtxid man?
— Hapless Homo
D ear S ister of a V ery B itter
B rother :
D ear H agless H omo :
Steve dtxsn’t need to “get over it.”
He needs your support and compassion.
It’s all about your needs, isn’t it?
You describe the women you’ve
Although the abuse happened 20
tossed aside as needy and dramatic,
years ago, he only started dealing
hut you’re the one who thrives on
with the effects of it in the past year
drama.
or two. The anger he feels now is
one of the stages in coming to terms
You find a “soul mate,” do every
thing together, but then eventually
with what happened to him.
become disappointed and find a rea
Steve is acting out his rage at
son for a theatrical ending. Then you
your mother for not protecting him.
start the cycle over again with some
Even if she wasn’t consciously aware
one new.
of the abuse, your mother’s failure to
A new woman won’t fill the hole
save Steve is a painful wound for
inside you, and a man won’t help,
him that may take a long time to
either. You need to find (Hit why yixi
heal. Your mother needs therapy so
can’t sustain a meaningful relationship
she can deal with her feelings about
and why you’re so angry at women.
the abuse and perhaps about her own
(Hello, Mommy?) Perhaps this went Id
inability to protect Steve.
be a gixxl time to start sharing special
Meanwhile, your support of Steve
moments with a therapist.
doesn’t mean that you and your
mother should be held hostage by his
D ear M s . B ehavior :
demands. T he decision about keep
I have two brothers, eight years
ing in contact with Ed should he
apart. As children, the older brother
yours, as long as you continue to let
(Ed) was physically and sexually abu
Steve know that you support him.
sive toward the younger brother
You haven’t said whether Ed
(Steve).
takes responsibility for his actions or
The last sexual abuse happened 20
is himself in counseling. T hat may
years ago. Steve is still bitter, hateful
bear on the outcome of all of this.
and angry toward Eel for the abuse.
Your whole family needs therapy—
The questions:
not necessarily together— to deal
1. Steve feels that Ed should no
with the effects of the abuse on your
longer be a part of our family. Steve
relationships with one another. jR
wants Mom and me to disown Ed
and have no contact with him.
M eryl C ohn is the author of IV)
I rarely talk to Ed anyway. W hat is
W hat I Say: Ms. Behaviors Guide to
the proper etiquette to respect the
Gay and Lesbian Etiquette. Signed
victim yet maintain contact with the
copies are available directly from the
author. Send questions or
abuser (or is it absurd that Steve is
offended if mom or I talk to Ed)?
correspondence to