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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 17, 2004)
december 17 2QQ4 ? j u s t TT^nT?7n^lneix;s No M eans N o Stalking happens in the queer community, too by C aro le Bosw ell s a domestic violence detective, 1 order. Stalkers need to know in no uncertain see an unbelievable volume of terms their behavior is not acceptable. It is violence in the Portland and important to remember that at the time you Vancouver communities. As a apply for the order, the stalker may become lesbian, I see just as much. The more obsessed. People at the resources listed sad part for me is that rarely as a detective do 1 here can help you form a safety plan. see gay and lesbian victims come in seeking Stalking in a domestic violence situation is help. Why? Because they are not reporting the extremely dangerous and should he reported to violence. the police. You are particularly vulnerable if a I was out with friends earlier this year, talk- person knows you intimately; knows your day- ‘ ing to a good friend who told me how happy she to-day habits, strengths and weaknesses; and is was with her new girlfriend. Then she started obsessed with you. If you are in a situation talking about her wife’s ex-girlfriend and recent involving physical violence in the home, if harassing behaviors. 1 started to cringe. She was you are now trying to separate and if your ex is describing a stalker. not letting you go, it is important to have a My friend (we can call her Judy) told me that safety plan. the ex started driving by their new home, call I know we don’t like to report things to the ing at all hours, threatening Judy and damaging police for fear that either we’ll he outed or they property in their yard. She told me the ex knows will cause someone else to he arrested. People in where they work and makes a point to he there the queer community are used to drama and, for and walk by often. She said whatever reason, this ex openly follows them often know friends at functions and sits nearby, are being abused hut Stalking is Oregon is defined as making it a point to sit fac never step in to help. "knowingly alarming or coercing A lesbian or gay man ing them to make them ner vous. another person (or member o f in an abusive rela After hearing this, I put tionship may find it on my police face and that person's immediate family harder than others informed Judy they are to step forward and or household) by engaging in admit she or he lives being stalked. She nodded as if she agreed, hut didn’t repeated and unwanted contact with an abusive per think it was worth reporting son. If you find your with the other person; and to police. I told her that this self wanting to stop is crime and that the behav abusive patterns of causing that person objectively behavior, you may ior is clearly a pattern of harassment meant to intim want to seek support reasonable alarm; and the idate them. Anyone who is through a batterers repeated and unwanted contact intervention group Open about following them, threatening her and possibly or some other sup causes the victim reasonable damaging their property is port group. apprehension regarding the someone who is obsessed In the queer and immature, and there community, we perso tal safety o f the victim fore very unstable. Stalkers could all do a better don’t know how to move job of speaking out or a member o f the victim's on. It’s one thing to miss when we see some immediate fam ily or household" your ex and go through the one in an abusive normal grieving process. It’s relationship or being another thing to begin to make that person stalked. Please report stalking to the police or afraid for her safety. seek assistance to keep yourself safe. The bottom line is none of us deserves to he hit, abused, con If you find yourself saying things like, “If I trolled, stalked, frightened, intimidated or can’t have you, no one will,” you might he a manipulated. jH stalker. If you call or write to someone every day who isn’t writing or calling hack and has C arole B oswell is a Vancouver Police expressed he or she doesn’t want to he with you, you might he a stalker. If you drive by an ex’s Department detective. house to see who he or she is seeing now, you might he a stalker. esources Generally speaking, people tend to minimize • National Domestic Violence Hotline: problems in hopes they will go away. The prob lem with stalkers is they don’t minimize; they 8 0 0 -7 9 9 -7 2 1 ) obsess. The behavior of a stalker rangers from • Regional: Northwest Network, annoying to extreme, sometimes resulting in www.ru irthwestnetwi irk.org homicide. Anything in between can seriously • Portland! W om en’s Crisis Line: affect a victim’s day-to-day life. Many victims 5 0 3 -2 3 5 -5 3 )) who allow stalking to go unchecked for long WHETHER YOU'RE STARTING A FAMILY OR CREATING ONE AS YOU GO. r R periods say they are eventually just “worn down” by their predator. If your partner or ex follows you or spies on you, leaves threatening notes or messages, destroys ytxir property or calls when you don’t want him or her to, then they ctxild he stalking you. People who are being harassed by someone they know or a stranger should- report it to the police or, at the least, apply for a protective • Bradley-Angle House: Sexual anti Gender Minority Services (women bartered by women group), 503-232-1805, ext. 3 • Younger than 2 4 : Sexual Minority Youth Resource Center, \vww.sm Tran«: www.survivorprofect.org B KtrMAW KI4H TS We invite your family to join ours. From now unt.l December 31, 2004 when you buy or leaee any naw Volvo, we will donile $ 5 0 0 to HRC * To learn more about this special offer call 1-800 652-7782. It’s our way of totting you know, we cart for the people you care about. VOLVO for life 4AH «amt b*» *c*,*nfm**rt by an offwial HRC/Voho uitipnn «rill Wwo nr purrhotu» agrfvwwm!. &20CS V0*0 <*r» ot Nrirth fn fm à O K U.C. vohortsrt to*» JIM FISHER VOLVO HERZOG-MEIER VOLVO 21st & W. Burnside, Portland 503.295.5571 www.jimfishervolvo.com 139th & Canyon Rd., Beaverton 503.644.9121 www.herzogmeier.com OUt
