Just out., July 16, 2004, Page 22, Image 22

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J U S t O U Ï ■ iuly 16. 2004
Silence (Still) = Death
Why HIV remains a taboo subject for many gay men
when they’re hooking up—and how to break the silence
by Floyd Sklaver
t’s 2 a.m. and Eddie is lying on his back,
waiting to get fucked. The 36-year-old
Portlander is HIV-positive. He doesn’t
know the HIV status of his top, and he
doesn’t ask. In fact, he doesn’t care.
“I don’t demand someone wear something,”
he says. “I just accept what comes along. It’s me
consciously saying whatever happens, happens.
Life goes on.”
HIV infections in Oregon are increasing at
an alarming rate. During the past two years,
there have been more than 170 new HIV
infections (139 of them in the Portland metro­
politan area). There are a number of theories
about why this is happening— including a new
generation coming of age who didn’t witness
the devastation AIDS wreaked in the 1990s,
and an increase in the use of crystal metham-
MSM condom use at last encounter (n=652)
Condom
50%
Condom
and UAI
5%
MSM condom use, last 2 months (n=387)
■ always
11%
□ sometimes
□ never
37 %
Includes only
sexually active
MSM last 2
months, n«387
Charts of condom use and unprotected anal
intercourse among men who have sex with
men, from the June 17, 2 0 0 3 , edition of
C D Summary by the Oregon Department
of Human Services
Men who lived through
the first AIDS epidemic
are being infected three
times more often
phetamine. But these theories do not explain
the most alarming statistic, which is that 75
percent of these infections are occurring among
men older than 30. In other words, men who
lived through the first AIDS epidemic (and
presumably should know better) are being
infected three times more often.
In an effort to understand what is happen­
ing and, more importantly, to begin a conversa­
tion about HIV and sex among Oregon’s gay
men, I asked a number of sexually active men
to talk candidly with me about dating and
casual encounters. (Their names have been
changed to protect their privacy.)
Regardless of the theories, one fact is cer­
tain: HIV rates are increasing because men are
having more unprotected sex. At the same
time, messages of safer sex simply aren’t being
heard. As Darien, a 52-year-old Portland sales­
man, put it: “The messages in bars are same
old, same old. They are like the little things
they give you on airplanes. Everybody’s heard
it, and nobody pays attention to it.”
In the 1980s, “Silence = Death” was the
rallying cry of the activist group A C T UP.
The motto signified the need to speak out in
order to get funds for treatment and preven­
tion. Today, “Silence = Death” has taken on a
whole new meaning. Failing to talk honestly
with one another about HIV and AIDS means
we have put ourselves at risk of individual ill­
ness and communitywide epidemic.
Quite simply, gay men who are HIV-positive
are afraid they will be rejected if they talk
about it. As Eddie says: “I used to just put it out
there, but nine out of 10 guys would say,
‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ It was a constant blow
to my ego and so I don’t do it anymore.”
Nowhere is the prejudice against HIV more
evident than with 25-year-old Joey. He and his
partner play around together. “We usually meet
guys at a bar, talk and see what they’re into,”
Joey says. “We bring [HIVJ right up on the car
ride back to our house. We say we are both
negative and ask their status. If somebody did
[have HIV], we’d probably give them a ride
home. It just couldn’t happen.”
To avoid that kind of humiliation, many
HIV-positive men have simply stopped
disclosing.
A second reason for the conspiracy of
silence is that knowing one another’s HIV sta­
tus is a burden many of us are unwilling to
Continued on Page 25
The Sound o f Silence
hy aren’t gay men talking about
HIV? Why is it so difficult to have
this straightforward and necessary-
conversation on our dates and in our casual
encounters?
For starters, there is the fear of rejection.
tîetck
“T he Three Amigos” were created by independent producers Firdaus Kharas and Brent Quinn
for a series of public service announcements on H IV prevention
ALL UNDER ONE ROOF
•
shoulder. As 42-year-old George says: “One fel­
low I dated for three months was [positive], hut
it became too much of a mind trip. You worry
even though you think you’re being safe and
minimizing your risk.”
Steve, a 34-year-old business owner, says: “I
don’t talk about it because I feel like: ‘Does it
really matter? That person could be lying.’ ”
And yet, by not talking about it, Steve is
needlessly putting himself at risk and perpetu­
ating the falsehood that silence is “golden.”
Another explanation is that talking about
HIV can be a buzz kill, a cock block. “The last
thing you want to he reminded of,” says 36-
year-old Jim, “is that there is something dan­
gerous that is communicable by these methods.
T hat’s kind of an ice cube down the hack.”
Eddie agrees: “I’m one of those people who
need to stop everything [to talk about HIV],
and it always ruins the mixxi. There’s never
flow or if there is, it’s unprotected.”
Or, as Darien puts it, “Asking seems to kill
the heat of the moment and the anonymity of
the sports fuck.” He continues: “As you get
older, you strike while the iron’s hot. It’s an act
of God that you can get it up while a hot thing
is paying attention to you anyway. Can you
imagine fucking with a nibber?”
Another factor that impedes adequate talk
about HIV, as well as intimacy and reasoning,
is abuse of alcohol and drugs. As 31-year-old
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courtesy of Multnomah County Health Department