may 21.2004
e e r S r i e n d iy
S in a
C d ie r a y
jf^ r a tò e Ò , O f f e r S l d v i c e
fo r S a m e -S e x
^ fY fa r r ia a e ó
“What I see as important with those seeking marriage is that they con-
sciously define what marriage means to them, so they are both dedicated to the
same purpose. Each couple needs to consider what marriage means to them and
strive to meet those expectations, rather than the expectations of a stereotype.”
— the Rev. Rhianrum Qriffiths, minister of the
Community of the Creative Spirit, Oregon City
“If marriage is a religious institution with rules set by the church, then the
state needs to get out of it. If marriage is a governmental institution, then the
government is required to treat all people equally. The Constitution demands
nothing else.”
—Tom Kuffner, Universal Life Church minister
“I believe that the word marriage is religious in nature and that for the state
or government to issue marriage licenses is a violation of separation of church
and state. I do think that the licensing should be changed to a ‘domestic union*
license and the word marriage should be reserved for the church and its func
tion of solemnizing or blessing the union as a marriage.”
— the Rev. Christopher Martin, Universal Life Church minister, Beaverton
“Any time we allow another group to deny us, based upon any perceived
difference like class, race, sexual orientation, what have you, we diminish all of
us and allow erosion of why I think we are here: to love, to learn, to be in
communion with the Supreme.”
— the Rev. James Taylor, Portland
“Marriage serves as a link to form new communities or expand existing
ones, so we are better prepared to handle whatever life throws at us by virtue
of our expanded communities. Marriage is the reciprocal commitment between
two people to make every effort to stand by the other person and support them
through all of life’s challenges, big and small, happy and sad, public and pri
vate. In that sense, it is the core community.”
— Sonia A. Montalbano, Universal Life Church minister
“We stand on the threshold of a new structure, a sanctuary where all of us
have the right to marry whom we love and where each of us can enjoy the
benefits and rights incumbent upon that institution. I am proud to be witness
to the construction of it and deeply moved, as a clergywoman, to be a partici
pant in the process.”
— the Rev. Mary McDonald'Leuks,
Universal Life Church minister, Portland
the institution of marriage didn’t want me, then
I didn’t want it either.”
Blair and McW illiams’ open-eyed, loving
com m itm ent is far stronger than any ghosts or
exclusions could ever be. Such a relationship,
even without the license or recognition, has
to be admired by queer and straight alike.
of them combine their incomes and bank
accounts.” However, she continues, “O f those
same-gender couples who have been through
commitment ceremonies, only 5 percent of them
combine their incomes and bank accounts.”
Once legally married, Moffett-Chaney says
“most of the couples who have been in further
contact with me have reported that they have
combined surnames, incomes and bank accounts.
tv e d o
•j
Seems to me the ability to marry legally helps
create a deeper trust in the relationship."
/ J t means a lot to have all the legal
M offett-Chaney concludes that, in her
rights— the medical stuff, the Social
opinion, “there is no question that actual law
Security and the perks that are associ
ful marriage, publicly acknowledged and
ated with marriage in this society,” savs
socially sanctioned, creates a more solid sense
C hristensen. “It is
of permanence.”
unconstitutional to
Marriage can also be
deny us these rights.”
a commitment not only
If ever there was a
between the couple
reason for legalized mar
themselves, but between
riage for same-sex cou
society and the couple.
l;
ples, equal rights may be
The validation offered
i* S
the strongest. According
from society, family and
isgtSSSSEBB! û
to Davina Kotulski’s
friends creates a new
spectacularly informative
vision of who those two
book Why You Should
have become.
Give a Damn About Gay
“Marriage is a rite of
Marriage, married cou
passage as well as a
ples are afforded more
‘right of passage,’ ’’
than 1,049 federal rights
M offett-Chaney says,
and more than 300
“and rites of passage
rights per state that
change an individual’s
unmarried couples
consciousness.”
(including same-sex cou
The day Christensen
ples) are not offered.
and Mary stood in line
These rights include
downtown, to “raise the
everything from tax
Stephen Blair (above) and his life partner, bar” of their commit
breaks to discounts on
ment, they noticed in
Drew McWilliams, chose not to marry
insurance premiums and
the crowd a young, hip
gym memberships to the right to be at your
looking lesbian watching them.
spouse’s dying bedside.
“Isn’t she cute,” they whispered to one
A nd for those who think they can get the
another. In a moment, the young woman came
same protection through civil unions or domes
up to them.
tic partnerships, Kotulski is quick to remind us
“Tell us you’re not getting married,” Chris
that “38 states have mini-DOMAs [Defense of
tensen said to her. “You’re way too young.”
Marriage Acts] so that they cannot be required
No, the young woman assured them; she
to recognize any relationship that is not
was merely there to show her support. “But I
between a man and a woman. Domestic part
had to tell you,” the young woman said, “you
nership rights and civil union rights DO N O T
are the most beautiful couple I’ve ever seen.”
LEAVE THE STATE.”
Christensen says this, for her, is what get
But beyond legal rights, queers like Chris
ting married is all about. “I never thought I’d
tensen say marriage “raises the bar a bit more
be a role model,” she says. “W ouldn’t it have
about our commitment. How can you break up
been great to have had that kind of role model
when all the family’s embraced us?” Christensen
when we were kids.7”
jokes. “It’s about the family being furious! Makes
I don’t know. Maybe my queer friend in
it harder to give up! Harder in a good way.”
that budding relationship who just wanted to
Moffett-Chaney says that in her 12 years of
make a political statem ent, maybe he isn’t so
counseling couples, she has seen a blatant differ
crazy after all. J H
ence in how the ability to legally marry affects
same-sex and heterosexual couples. O f the
G lenn S cofield W illiams umtes poetry, prose,
straight couples who marry, she says “95 percent
plays, periodica and pom in Portland.
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