may 7 .2 0 0 4 *
Just out 35
ADVICE
in memberstup (6 pm Sunday 621 NE 76th Ave
503-699-0473 wwwkononiacommunity o rg ) (7/04)
SPIRITUALITY
Metro: Spirituality
A insw orth U nited C hurch o f C h rist is a multi
racial, m ulticultural, open and affirm ing church. Sunday
worship is at 10 am; church school fo r children runs
concurrently (2941 NE Ainsworth S t 503-284-8767
aucc&teleport co m ) (7/04)
Anawim C om m unity of gay men meets weekly for
Chnstian meditation and prayer (7 3 0 pm Thursday
503-281-0722.) (7/04)
B ridgeport United C hurch o f C h rist is a commu
nity of progressive, political people exploring and cele
brating the Chnstian faith We are sexual m inority and
straight, multicultural and multiracial, and our children
are valued members (10:30 am Sunday 621 NE 76th
Ave 503-258-0992 w w w bndgeportucc org.) G 704)
C ity Church, Portland's 'o ld e st gay affirmmg
Chnstian church,' offers a spirit-driven church for
today's diverse generations. (10 am Sunday commu
nion and worship service. 6 .3 0 pm Sunday worship
service. 3 8 3 0 SE 62ndA ve. 503-775-5024.) G 704)
C ongregation P 'nai O r (Faces o f Light) is a vibrant,
egalitarian. Jewish Renewal congregation in Portland
Meets several times a month at Portland State
University Campus M inistries. (PO Box 42187.
Portland. OB 97242-0187. 503-248-4500
www.pnaiorpdx.org.) (7/04)
Eastrose Fellow ship U nitarian U niversalist. a
welcoming congregation, offers Sunday service and
children's religious education. (10 30 am Sunday
1133 NE 181st Ave.. Gresham. 503-665-2628
eastrose@ teleport.com w w w .eastrose.org.) (7/0 4 )
Faith U nited M ethodist C hurch is a welcoming
community o f Chnstians in Troutdale that values and
encourages all people in finding a place o f belonging in
the family of God. Sunday worship at 10:15 am; Adult
Education at 9 am; children and youth at 10:30 am
Wednesday Prayers 6-6:30 pm. (27400 SE Stark S t
503661 4520.) ( 7/04)
F irst U nitarian C hurch o f Portland is an open and
affirm ing liberal religious community offering a wide
range o f programs to nurture spintual growth, communi
ty and social justice. Sunday service 9 and 11 am.
(1011 SW 12th Ave. 503-2286389
www hrstunitarianportland.org.) (7/04)
Gay and Lesbian O utreach (GALO ) o f St Philip
Neri Catholic Church celebrates an affirm ing Mass fo l
lowed by a social. (7 30 pm Friday. Paulist Center.
2408 SE 16th Ave. 503-231 4955 .) (7/0 4 )
Gay M en's Labyrinth P roject meets quarterly for
a walking meditation and wisdom circle on the labyrinth
(www.gaylabyrinth.com.) (7/04)
i is a group o f sexual minonty Episcopalians
and friends Various locations throughout Oregon.
(Bruce 503-286-9111. bnjcepdxor@ attbi com.
www. integrityusa org.) (7/04)
In te rfa ith S p iritu a l C enter houses spintual direc
tors from various world religious traditions, who are
available for guidance, classes and retreats. (Second
Floor. 3910 SE 11th Ave 5 0 32332026. ext 3
wwwintedaithspintualcenter.com .) (7/0 4 )
Keshet P ortland is a potluck group fo r Jewish mem
bers of the sexual m inorities community and their part
ners. spouses and supporters. Its purpose is to help
build bridges with the larger Jewish community.
M onthly social, religious and cultural events. (David or
Laney 503 226-7079. ext. 14.) (7/04)
Koinonia C atholic Community is a progressive,
small faith community that gathers weekly to celebrate
Euchanst at Bridgeport United Church of Christ A wel
coming congregation. Catholic m tradition and Ecumenical
YO U T H
Metro: Youth
_____ • , a social support group for sexual rntnortty
youth of color 21 ami younger, meets on weekends for
food a id aadebdng. Regular events and actMUee.
Flavors is a project of Love Makes a Fame's
MuttiQueer proyam and is supported by Brother to
Brother. (Kristy503 2263892
multiqueer@Matnily.org 7(7/04)
The G ay. L m M m aad S tra ig h t E du catio n
N e tw o rk (G LSEN ) fi^ its to end anti-gay bias in K-12
schools (Suite 180. 12700 SW North Dakota St
H29, Tigard. OB 97223. 503-525 1177
gl$en@Qi$ennreQOn.o<y www.glsenoregon org.) (7/04)
. a program of Love Makes a Famiy, provides
advocacy to sexuel rrinorëy youfo Offers resource» and
support in foe community and the school systems, wtfo a
focus on support for queer and questioning youth of color.
(Kristy 5032263882 m/6queer@krhmiyxxgJ (7/04)
Longview U nited M ethodist C hurch is welcom
ing and reconciling (10 am Sunday 2851 30th Ave.
360-425-492730/04)
M etanoia Peace C om m unity U nited M ethodist
C hurch is a 'house church* that bnngs gay and
straight together Daily morning prayer and Sunday
evening worship (503-281-3697
www tearsoup.com /m etanoia) (7/0 4 )
M etropolitan Com m unity C hurch o f P ortland
holds ecumenical Sunday morning worship services at
9 and 11 am. Sunday school for children is held dunng
the 11 am service. (2400 NE Broadway 503281 8868
mfo@mccportland.com www m ccportland com .) (7/04)
N ichiren B uddhist Temple o f P ortland offers
several weekly gathenngs Everyone welcome1 (10 am
Sunday. 7 30 am Tuesday and Thursday 7 3 0 pm
Wednesday meditation. 2025 SE Yamhill St
503-232-8064 www mchiren-shu org/portland ) (7 /04)
Peace C hurch o f the B rethren is a welcoming
congregation. (11 am Sunday. 12727 SE M arket St.
503 2546380 ) ( 7/04)
Portland Center fo r S p iritual G rowth is a center
for worship, growth and leadership that adheres to an aH-
mclusive spintual philosophy similar to 12-step, Unity and
Religious Science. Impromptu wedding ceremonies avail
able. (503-7776727 w w w portlandcenterorg.) (7/04)
P ortland Radical Faeries meet twice a month with
potlucks and circles at the full moon and the new
moon Open to all men seeking alternative spiritual
growth and community. Coffee hours start 9.30 am
Saturdays at 3 Friends Coffeehouse. 201 SE 12th Ave
(503-2356826 otter@ pcezcom .) ( 7/04)
Seventh-Day A dventist Kinship is a support organ
zation for queer people, their families and friends (PO Box
7320. Laguna Niguel. CA 92607 7320. 866732-5677.
ofhce@sdakmshrp.org. www sdakinshp org.) (7/04)
S iste rS p irit offers women's spirituality celebrations,
discussion groups, a drumming circle, workshops and
classes. Schedule of events available All women are
welcome. (Suite 102. 3430 SE Belm ont St. Mailing
address: PO Box 9246. Portland. OB 97207.
503 736 3297 sistersp@ teleport com .) (7/04)
Southm inster P resbyterian C hurch is an active
member o f the Community of Welcoming
Congregations Sunday school and nursery care
Classes, community service activities and events fo r all
ages and interests. (9-9 30 am Sunday chapel service.
10 am Sunday community worship service. 12250 SW
Denney Boad. Beaverton 503644 2073.
staff@southmm.com www southm in.com .) (7/04)
S t Andrew Catholic Church invites all to join a
diverse faith community for prayer and fellowship (93 0 am
Sunday 806 NE Alberta St 5 032814429) G704)
S t. James Lutheran C hurch a Reconciled in
Chnst congregation, welcomes all people for traditional,
liturgical worship where we experience God's reconcil
ing love that sets all people free. (9 and 11 am Sunday
1315 SW Park Ave 503 227 2439
www st)am eslutheranportlandong.) (7/0 4 )
S t. Stephen's Episcopal C hurch has been wel
coming all people since 1863. (1 2 1 0 pm Wednesday
and 7:45 and 10 am Sunday Sunday school and child
care at 10 am 1432 SW 13th Ave 503 2236424 )
(7/04)
T rin ity Episcopal C athedral a welcoming and
affirm ing congregation, invites aU to worship services
and ongoing programs in spintual development, com
munity outreach, music and arts education. (8 am
Sunday Bite I chapel service 10 am Sunday Bite II
cathedral service 147 NW 19th Ave 503-222-9811.
wwwtnm ty-episcopalong.) (7/04)
W averiy Heights U nited C hurch o f C h rist is
open and affirming with worship, children's school and
child care. (10 am Sunday 3300 SE W oodward St
503-238-1337. www waverlyucc org ) (7/04)
Zion U nited C hurch o f C h rist an open and
affirm ing congregation, is open to gay, lesbian, bi, trans
and heterosexual people who wish to worship in a
Christ-centered, warm, canng, m ultiage/race/cultural
faith community. (11 am Sunday 2025 NE 23rd Ave..
Gresham. 503665-8741.)G 104)
Central Oregon: Spirituality
United Church o f C hrist Congregational is an
open and affirming congregation in The Dalles (9.20 am
adult Sunday school, 1030 am Sunday worship 111 E
Fifth St. 541-296-2909. ucccongl@ netcnct.net
www form m stry.com /usonjcofcucocc )G 704)
Washington: Spirituality
Abundant Life C enter is A New Thought
Community for spintual awakening and transforming
lives through love. A safe place where children learn to
embody spintual pnnciples. (10 am Sunday 10006 NE
Ninth A v e . Vancouver The Bev Kathleen Vengm
3 6 0 5 7 3 -2 6 2 6 )0 /0 4 )
East Vancouver U nited M ethodist C hurch Is
reconciling and welcoming (10 am Sunday
5701 M acArthur Bfvd 3 6 0693 4761.)G 104)
F irst C ongregational Church. United Church of
Christ, holds services in an open and affirm ing congre
gation (10 am Sunday worship. 11:15 am adult educa
tion. 1220 NE 68th S t. Vancouver 360-693-1476.
vanucc@ad.com.) (7/04)
M etropolitan Com m unity Church o f the
Gentle Shepherd in Vancouver welcomes you.
(10:30 am and 6 30 pm Sunday worship. 9 am Sunday
Bible study 2200 Broadway The Bev. Harriet
Barshofsky 360-695-14 8 0 ) (7/04)
M ichael Servetus U nitarian U niversalist
Fellow ship a Welcoming Congregation, provides a
home fo r the liberal religious spirit (9 3 0 and 11:15am
Sunday 4505 E 18th St.. Vancouver 3 6 0 6 9 5 1 8 9 1 )
(7/0 4 )
Willamette Valley: Spirituality
F irst C ongregational Church. United Church of
C hrist is an open and affirming congregation offering
worship and church school. Child care provided and
wheelchair accessible (9.30 am Sunday learning hour.
10.30 am worship 700 Marion S t NE. Salem
503-363-3660.) G 704)
M etropolitan C om m unity C hurch Two Rivers
is a Chnstian church with primary outreach in the sexual
m inorities community (6:30 pm Sunday 1166 Oak S t ,
Eugene) (7/04)
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
to gay, lesbian, bi, trans and questioning youth in
Vancouver, Wash Meets 6-8 pm Tuesdays in the base
ment o f Youth House. 1t12C oiunibfflSt in Vancouver
(John 360695 1325) (7/04)
and Wednesday. 4 pmeadnight Friday and Saturday
2100 SE Belmont St. 503872-9664. TTY503-231-9286
www.smyrc.org.) Other proyams include. Chi ch an i
County Sexual M no rity Youth Connection
provides cpportontttes
(COêMYC) I provide«
opportunities for
for queer
queer and
and ques
ques-
W illa m e tte V a lle y *. Y O U th
Gey
ils ii. g
Gay, iiit
Lesbian,
BL j, T m u riin rtir and
tioning youth ages 23 and younger to get together for
free, fun and supportive social activities. Offers one-on
one support, referrals and information on HVandSTD
prevention and resources for adults vdio work with queer
and question™ youth. (503-9690060
cosmycyouth@yafiOO.comJ Pride Project brings togefo-
er Washington County queer and questioning youth to
plan and attend monthly social events. Also information,
referral and advocacy services Washington County
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, TrsM gaadar Youth
G fH p for ages 25 and younger meets every Monday
m Eugene (5 pm. K dnoda Center. 1414 Kincaid St-
(Moty 503-2605792. moly@pndepcoject atg)G/04)
541 -346-1134)0704)
Eastern Oregon: Youth
O ut V A bout Youth meet every Thursday in
Corvafts (7pm 1165 M onroe Ave. 541-754-3906.)
(7/04)
trans and questioning youth in Eastern Oregon.
Monday-Friday 1132 SW 13th Ave 503-535-3800
wwwoutstdem org.) (7/04)
(541669-3119 or 866-248-8369 eodiOaoci.org
www.6od.org) (7/04)
U vteg offers support and advocacy to gay. lesbian, bi,
Send you
Qm r t to iitwg T W É G roup for ages 13 to 18 offers
support. Information and fun in Eugene. Free, confiden
tial. aduttTacitateci. (Drop in 4 6 pm Friday Amazon
Community Center. 2700 HTyard S t 5 4 1 68 4 0 4 6 6 )
(7/04)
Rainbow Youth is a safe, confidential support grm p
for young gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, tranagendw.
questioning and friends (6 8 pm Wednesday. Miche
B ulking.
890 State St . Salem,
www sa7Mwainbowyouth.org.) (7/04)
outreach listings to:
• PO Box
503 236 1257
A little and too mnch
The difference between gay boys and girls
W y'east U nitarian U niversalist Congregation
is an open and liberal religious community offenng inter-
generational services and religious education fo r youth
and adults We welcome gay. lesbian, bi and trans
members and nurture spintual growth living by Unitarian
Universalist pnnciples (4 pm Sunday 3915 SE Steele
St. 503-777-3704 www w yeastpnw duua.org.) (7/04)
. a program of Cascacfa Behavioral
HealthCare, offers support and recreetion to gay. lesbian,
bi and trans youfo 23 and younger Offers drop-in comput
er access, pool tables and an informal place to hang out.
Weekly support meetings includes Trane Youth Group and
foe creative group Personal Deity Proxy (4 6 pm Monday
i operates a cfevc for anyone who can t
quaMy for foe Oregon Health Plan as we* ae needte
exchange services that include those who inject hor
mones Can provide transrtfonai housing for youth 20
and younger as we§ as for those HV+ and younger
than 23 Needs volunteers of a l ages (10am6pm
ju s t ou t
U niversity Park U nited M ethodist Church
believes in giving to the community, canng for one
another and making a difference one person at a time
Come celebrate God's diversity with us! GO am
Sunday 4775 N Lombard St. The Bev. Jeanne
Knepper 5 0 3 -2 8 9 -7 8 4 3 )0 /0 4 )
• Portland. OR 97293-0400
justout@ justout.com
t n fn r'rra tm n
D ear M s . B ehavior :
My lover and 1 live
in a small, happy com
munity. My old friend
Ellen came for a visit
recently. We initially
met when 1 was still in
college, and she was one
of my first flings. (We
had sex twice, and she
became mean, so we
stopped hanging out;
years later we met again
and became friends.)
We took Ellen to a dinner party
and some events with our friends.
Soon I found out that she introduced
herself as my ex-girlfriend to every
one! I was shocked, since I have had
many long-term relationships, but
none of them have been with Ellen.
She hasn’t had a lover since I’ve
known her, which makes her state
ment even crazier.
Should 1 tell her that I don’t con
sider her an ex-girlfriend? Should 1
ask her to stop telling other people
that we are exes? Or is that cruel?
I’m embarrassed about all my new
friends thinking that Ellen is someone
sexually and emotionally significant
to me.
— Not Ellen’s Ex!
D ear N o t E llen ’ s E x :
You’ve just stumbled upon one of
the scariest risks of sex with girls:
They may define the encounter differ
ently and write love songs for the rest
of their lives. (This appears to be a
much lower risk with boys.)
You can tell Ellen you don’t con
sider her to he an ex, but that would
probably do little to change her per
ception that you’re hers.
Try not to worry about what oth
ers think. It would be awkward (and
time-consuming) to run around town
letting everyone know that Ellen isn’t
your ex. Protesting too much will
only draw attention to the thought of
you and Ellen as a couple. (And you
don’t want people to envision you
and Ellen having sex, do you?)
Soon the whirlwind will subside,
and life will go on as usual. A t worst,
your friends will conclude that your
relationship choices have improved a
lot during the past couple of decades.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
Is it unrealistic to want someone to
love you so much that he would never
want to share you with another?
My boyfriend and I have gradually
progressed, over our five-year relation
ship, from just each other to pom to
voyeurism to touching and then
threesomes.
I don’t like what we’ve become.
It’s hard to be out together without
feeling that tinge of excitement when
passing a cniisey place. Part of me
wants to take part, and the other part
knows that it is slowly killing what I
feel for “us.” I’m angry because we are
living up to the low expectations of
all those self-righteous bigots.
'we got to this point
because I got tired of
being the “relationship
police.” Our relationship
is great in every other
way, but these activities
are slowly distancing me
from us. The distancing
protects me from being
hurt by these activities.
If we aren’t doing
these activities together,
how could I trust him, or
even myself, not to take
advantage of an opportunity should
one arise when we’re apart? What can
I do? Does long-lasting passionate
love exist?
D ear C :
Your ambivalence is clear; you like
having sex with others, but you’re
afraid it will kill your relationship
with your boyfriend. Why not discuss
it with him? You’re clearly not a good
“policeman” on your own, anyway.
(Ms. Behavior might let you direct
traffic in her neighborhood, but she
wouldn’t leave you in charge of polic
ing, say, the men’s weightlifting
room.)
Start out by telling your boyfriend
the truth about how you feel, and see
if it helps. Long-lasting passionate
love is great, but it doesn’t feel exactly
the same as shagging someone you
met in the sauna 20 minutes ago. The
connection may be deeper in some
ways and perhaps less acutely exciting
in others. Can you live with that?
D ear M s . B ehavior :
Is it OK for anyone to constantly
correct the spelling and syntax of
another person’s posts on an Internet
forum? I feel that it is rude and invali
dates what the person is trying to say.
What do you think is the proper eti
quette here?
—A
D ear A:
It’s rude to correct other people’s
spelling and syntax on an Internet
forum if the meaning of the original
posting is apparent. It’s fine to ask
someone for clarification of their
posting if the content is unclear, hut
not for the purpose of ridicule.
Generally, people who correct
other people’s spelling and syntax on
an Internet forum are bullying nerds
who don’t have satisfying lives.
Usually, other members of a forum
will let them know that their correc
tions are unwelcome (unless the
group is wholly composed of bullying
nerds). j n
© Meryl Cohn 2004
M eryl C o hn is the author of Do What
1 Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay
and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
Mifflm). Signed copies are available
directly from the author. Send questions or
correspondence to msfrehfltior@aoI.com.