aprii 2. 2004 - J l l S t O i l t 3 7
ADVICE
▼
SPIRITUALITY
Metro: Spirituality
Ainsworth United Church of Christ is a multi
racial, m ulticultural, open and affirm ing church Sunday
worship is at 10 am; church school fo r children runs
concurrently (2941 NE Ainsworth S t 503-284-8767
aucc@ teleport co m ) (7/04)
evening worship. (503-281-3697
www tearsoup.com/m etanoia .) (7/04)
Ave 503-227-2439 www stjameslutheranportlandorg.)
(7/04)
Metropolitan Community Church of Portland
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church has been welcom-
holds ecumenical Sunday morning worship services at
9 and 11 am Sunday school for children is held dunng
the 11 am service. (2400 NE Broadway 503-281-8868
mfoQmccportland com www mccpordand com .) 0 /0 4 )
ing all people since 1863 (1210 pm Wednesday and
745 and W arn Sunday Sunday school and child care at
10 am 1432 SW 13th Ave 503223-6424 )0 /0 4 )
Nichiren Buddhist Temple of Portland offers
Christian meditation and prayer (7 30 pm Thursday
503-281 -07 2 2 ) (7/04)
several weekly gathenngs. Everyone welcome1 (10 am
Sunday, 7 30 am Tuesday and Thursday 7 30 pm
Wednesday meditation 2025 SE Yamhill St.
503-2328064 www m chiren-shuorg/portland) 0 /0 4 )
Bridgeport United Church of Christ is a commu
Peace Church of the Brethren is a welcoming
Waverly Heights United Church of Christ >s
nity of progressive, political people explonng and cele
brating the Chnstian faith. We are sexual minonty and
straight, multicultural and multiracial, and our children
are valued members. (10:30 am Sunday. 621 NE 76th
Ave 503-2580992 www bndgeportucc.org) 0 /0 4 )
congregation (11 am Sunday 12727 SE M arket St.
503 254 6380 ) ( 7/04)
open and affirming with worship, children's school and
child care. ( 10 am Sunday 3300 SE Woodward St
503-238-1337 www wavedyucc.org.) (7/04)
City Church Portland's "oldest gay-affirming
Chnstian church," offers a spint dnven church for
today's diverse generations. (10 am Sunday commu
nion and worship service, 6 30 pm Sunday worship
service. 3 8 3 0 SE 62ndA ve. 5 0 3 -7 7 5 -5 0 2 4 )0 /0 4 )
Congregation P'nai Or (Faces of Light) is a vibrant,
egalitarian, Jewish Renewal congregation m Portland
Meets several times a month at Portland State University
Campus Ministries. (PO Box 42187, Portland. OP
97242-0187 503-248-4500 wwwpnatorpdx.org ) (7/04)
East rose Fellowship Unitarian Universalist a
welcoming congregation, offers Sunday service and
children s religious education (10:30 am Sunday
1133 NE 181st Ave . Gresham 503-665-2628
eastrose@ teleport com. www eastrose.org.) (7/04)
Faith United Methodist Church is a welcoming
community o f Chnstians in Troutdale that values and
encourages all people jn finding a place o f belonging in
the family of God. Sunday worship at 10:15 am, Adult
Education at 9 am; children and youth at 10:30 am.
Wednesday Prayers 6-6.30 pm. (27400 SE Stark St.
5 0 3 -6 6 1 -4 5 2 0 )0 /0 4 )
First Unitarian Church of Portland is an open and
affirm ing liberal religious community offenng a wide
range of programs to nurture spintual growth, communi
ty and social justice Sunday service 9 and 11 am
(1011 SW 12th Ave 503-228-6389.
www hrstunitahanpoitland org.) (7/0 4 )
Gay and Lesbian Outreach (G A LO ) of St Philip
Nen Catholic Church celebrates an affirm ing Mass fol
lowed by a social. (7 3 0 pm Friday Paulist Center.
2408 SE 16th Ave 503-231 4955 ) 0 /0 4 )
Portland Center for Spiritual Growth ir; a center
for worship, growth and leadership that adheres to an all
inclusive spintual philosophy similar to 12-step, Unity and
Religious Science Impromptu wedding ceremonies avail
able. (503-7770727 wwwportlandcenter o rg ) (7/04)
Want to get hitched?
ultnomah County issues marriage licenses
to all couples 8 am-4:45 pm weekdays in
the Marriage License Unit o f the Multno
mah Building, 501 SE Hawthorne Blvd., Port
land. The application fee is $60 cash or certified
check.
Both parties must sign any marriage
license, and you do not have to be an Oregon
resident to obtain a license
Marriages are being performed for dona
tions 9 am-4 pm Fridays at Holocene, 1001 SE
Momson St Visit www.basicnghts.org for more
suggested officiants (as well as up-to-the-minute
info on the legality of your marriage in Oregon)
Officiants may also be available at one o f the
churches in the Just Out Spirituality section.
A list o f Multnomah County judges is
available at the marriage license unit or at
www.co.m ukrK3m ah.or.us/ctxs/assessJax/jud
ges pdf. The fee fo r an in-chamber appointment
is $25.
M
a walking meditation and wisdom circle on the labyrinth
( www gaylabynnth.com .) (7/04)
Portland Radical Faeries meet twice a month with
potlucks and circles at the full moon and the new
moon Open to all men seeking alternative spintual
growth and community. Coffee hours start 9:30 am
Saturdays at 3 Friends Coffeehouse, 201 SE 12th Ave
(503 2350826 ottei@ pcez com .) 0 /0 4 )
Integrity is a group of sexual m inonty Episcopalians
Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship is a support
Gay M en's Labyrinth Project meets quarterly for
and fnends. Various locations throughout Oregon
(Bruce 503 286-9111 brucepdxor@ attbi.com.
www mtegntyusa. org. ) (7/04)
Interfaith Spiritual Center houses spintual direc
tors from various world religious traditions, who are
available for guidance, classes and retreats (Second
Floor, 3910 SE 11th Ave. 503-2332026. ext 3
www.m terfaithspintualcenter.com .) (7/04)
Keshet Portland .s a potluck group fo r Jewish mem
bers of the sexual minorities community and their part
ners, spouses and supporters Its purpose is to help
build bridges with the larger Jewish community
M onthly social, religious and cultural events. (David or
Laney 503 226 7079. ext 14.) ( 7/04)
Koinonia Catholic Community is a progressive,
small faith community that gathers weekly to celebrate
Eucharist at Bridgeport United Church o f Christ. A wel
coming congregation. Catholic m tradition and Ecumenical
m membership (6 pm Sunday 621 NE 76th Ave
503-6990473. www komonacommumty org.) 0 /0 4 )
Longview United Methodist Church is welcom
ing and reconciling (W a rn Sunday. 2851 30th Ave
360-425 4927.) (7/04)
Meta no ia Peace Community United Methodist
Church is a "house church" that brings gay and
straight together Daily morning prayer and Sunday
YOUTH
, a social support group for sexual minority
youth of color 21 and younger, meets on weekends for
food and socuSang Regular events and activities.
Flavors » a project of Love Makes aFamily's
MuftiQueer program and is supported by Brother to
Brother. (Knaty 5032263892.
multiqueer@lmfamify o rg j (7/04)
The Gey, I
Wetw erh CGL8EM) fights to end anbgty bias in K-12
schools (Softs 180. 12700 SW North Dakota St.
i 129. Tigard. OR 97223 503-525-1177.
OfeentMsenorBgon oru. www gbenoreQon org U7/04)
. _ r _ , j n of Love Makes a Farwly, pro
vides advocacy to sexual minority youth Offers
resources and support in the communfty and the school
systems with a focus on support for queer and ques-
tiorang youth of color (Kristy 503228-3892
mulhgueei@knfamilyoig) 0704)
O utside In operates a cSwc for anyone who can't
queiify for foe Oregon Health Plan as we* aa needle
exchange aennces that include (hose who njert hor
mones Can provide tnxwtwnal lousing for youth 20
and hunger as wel aa for thoae HV+ and younger
than 23 Needs volunteers of a l ages. (10am6pm
MondayFnday. 1132 SW 13th Ave 503635-3800
wwwoutsidemorg)U/Q4)
organization for queer people, their families and fnends
(PO Box 7320. Laguna Niguel. CA 92607 7320
866732-5677 office@ sdakinship org
www sdakmshtp o rg ) 0 /0 4 )
Siste rSp irit offers wom en's sp irituality celebra
tions, discussion groups, a drum m ing circle, w ork
shops and classes. Schedule o f events available All
women are welcom e. (Suite 102. 3430 SE Belm ont
S t M ailing address . PO Box 9246. Portland. OR
97207. 503-736 3297 sistersp@ teleport.com .)
(7 /0 4 )
Southminster Presbyterian Church is an active
member of the Community of Welcoming
Congregations Sunday school and nursery care
Classes, community service activities and events for all
ages and interests. (9-9 3 0 am Sunday chapel service.
10 am Sunday community worship service 12250 SW
Denney Road. Beaverton 503-644-2073
staff@ southmmcom www southmm com .) 0 /0 4 )
St. Andrew Catholic Church invites all to pin a
diverse faith community for prayer and fellowship (930 am
Sunday 806 NE Aberta St. 5032814429.) (7/04)
W y'east Unitarian Universalist Congregation
is an open and liberal religious community offering
mtergenerational services and religious education for
youth and adults. We welcome gay. lesbian, bi and
trans members and nurture spiritual growth living by
Unitarian Universalist principles (4 pm Sunday
3915 SE Steele St. 503-777-3704
www. wyeast.pnwd uua o rg ) (7/0 4 )
Zion United Church of Christ an open and
affirming congregation, is open to gay. lesbian, tx. trans
and heterosexual people who wish to worship in a
Christ-centered, warm, canng, multiage/race/cultural
faith community. ( I I am Sunday 2025 NE 23rd A v e ,
Gresham 503-665 8 7 4 1 ) (7/04)
Central Oregon: Spirituality
United Church of Christ Congregational s an
open and affirming congregation in The Dalles.
(9 20 am adult Sunday school. 10 30 am Sunday
worship 111 E F ifth St 541 -296-2909
ucccongl@ netcnct net
www form im stry.com /usorucofcucocc.) (7/04)
Washington: Spirituality
Abundant Life Center is A New Thought
Community for spintual awakening and transforming
lives through love A safe place where children learn to
embody spiritual principles (10 am Sunday 10006 NE
Ninth A v e . Vancouver The Rev. Kathleen Vengm
360-573-2626 )( 7/04)
East Vancouver United Methodist Church is
reconciling and welcoming. (10 am Sunday
5701 M acArthur Btvd 360-6934761.) (7/04)
First Congregational Church United Church of
Chnst, holds services in an open and affirming congre
gation (10 am Sunday worship. 11.15 am adult educa
tion 1220 NE 68th S t . Vancouver 360-693-1476
vanucc@aol.com.) (7/04)
Metropolitan Community Church of the
Gentle Shepherd in Vancouver welcomes you
(1 0 3 0 am and 6 30 pm Sunday worship. 9 am Sunday
Bible study 2200 Broadway The Rev Harriet
Barshofsky 360-695-1480.) (7/04)
Michael Servetus Unitarian Universalist
Fellowship i Welcoming Congregation, provides a home
for the liberal religious spirit (9 30 and I I 15 am Sunday
4505 E 18th S t. Vancouver 360695 1891)0/04)
Willamette Valley: Spirituality
First Congregational Church United Church of
Chnst is an open and affirming congregation offering
worship and church school Child care provided and
wheelchair accessible (9 3 0 am Sunday learning hour.
10 30 am worship 700 Marion St NE. Salem
503 363-3660 ) (T104)
St. James Lutheran Church a Reconciled in Chnst
congregation, welcomes all people for traditional, liturgical
worship where we experience God s reconciling love that
sets all people free (9 and I I am Sunday 1315 SW Park
Metropolitan Community Church Two Rivers
Sexual Minority Youth Resource C enter
(541-889-3119 o r 8662488369. eoak9eocilorg.
(8M Y R Q , a program of Cascadia Behavioral
Healthcare, offers support and recreation to gay, les
bian. bi and trana youth 23 and younger. Offers drop«
computer access, pool tables and an «formal place to
hang out. Weekly support meetings includes Trami
Youth Group and Hie creative group Personal Deity
Proxy (4-8 pm Monday and Wednesday, 4 pm-mdnight
wwweocdorg. ) (7/04)
Friday and Saturday. 2100 SE Belmont $ t
S03872-9664 TTY 503-23l-9286www.snrc.org.)
Other programs include: Ctacfcamsa C ounty
Sexual M inor ity Youth C onnection (C O SM YO
provides opportunities for queer and questioning youth
ages 23 and young« to get together for free, fun and
supportive social actM ie* Offers one-oreone support,
referrals and «formation on HfV and STD prevention
and resource« for adults who work with queer and
questioning youth (503-969-0060
cosmycyouih&yahoacom) fM da P ro je ct brings
together Waahing ton County queer and questioning
youth to plan and attend monthly soce) events Also
information, referral v r i advocacy services in
Washmgton County. (Molly 503-260-5792
mo>y@pndeproiectotgJ (7/04)
Queers learn the meaning of cold feet
University Park United Methodist Church
believes in giving to the community, canng for one
another and making a difference one person at a time
Come celebrate God's diversity with us! (10 am
Sunday. 4775 N Lombard St. The Rev Jeanme
Knepper 503 289-7843 ) (7/04)
Anawim Community of gay men meets weekly for
Here come the brides
is a Chnstian church with pnmary outreach in the sexual
minorities community. (6 3 0 pm Sunday 1166 Oak St.,
Eugene ) (7/04)
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
to gay, lesbian, bi. trans and questioning youth In
Vancouver, Wash. Meets 6-8 pm Tuesdays in the base
ment of Ybuth House, 1112 Coiumb«) St « Vancouver
(John 3606% 1325)0/04)
Willamette Valley: Youth
Gey, Laabfew. B i, Trenspenda r and
Questioning Youth Group for ages 13 to 18 offers
support, «formation and fun in Eugene Free, confide«
t«l. adult facitated. (Drop in 46 pm Friday Amazon
Community Center. 2700HtyerdSt 541684 3466 )
0/04)
Loahioa, Gay, Bisexual, Transponder Youth
Gro up for ages 25 and younger meets every Monday
m Eugene. (5 pm Kanona Center. 1414 Kincaid St
541-3461134)0/04)
Eastern Oregon: Youth
Belu h a « Youth is a safe, confidential support
gnxf) for young gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, trans
gender. questioning and fnends (68 pm Wednesday
U vfag oSars'seaport and actacacy tooay. fe sta l. bi.
trans and questioning youth in Eastern Oregon
Mteha Bu4dmg. 690 State S i. Salem
www salemrBinbowyouth org ) (7/04)
D
ear
M
s
. B
e h a v io r
:
My partner, Phyllis,
and I have been together
for 3 1/2 years. Upon
hearing the news that
the Massachusetts courts
paved the way for same-
sex marriage, Phyllis got
down on hended knee
and proposed. It was so
romantic, 1 couldn’t
refuse. We’re planning
to wed in P-town in
June.
Here’s the problem: While it’s
great that gays and lesbians can
finally marry and perhaps get the
legal protections that come with it, 1
think marriage is an outdated, sexist
construct designed to preserve men’s
property rights and subjugate wom
en. Wouldn’t it he more meaningful
for us to define our commitment to
each other on our own terms rather
than buying into some heterosexist
ideal?
But what do 1 tell Phyllis? She’s
excited about planning a big, tradi
tional, hetero-style wedding with
matching dresses and a five-tier wed
ding cake. Do I hurst her bubble and
tell her I don’t want any part of this
sugarcoated charade—or do 1 just
smile and register our china pattern?
— blot the Marrying Kind
D ear N ot the M arrying K ind :
While many queer couples are
doing somersaults of joy to celebrate
their impending marriages, others are
secretly pulling each other’s hair out
over where to marry, who to invite
and what it all means.
Formerly the exclusive domain of
heteros, the drama that surrounds
marriage is a normal part of negotiat
ing any huge emotional commitment.
And as trying as it may he, such nego
tiations can actually make your rela
tionship stronger.
You and Phyllis need to discuss
your fantasies about marriage— item
izing the details that matter most and
those that you might he willing to
compromise.
Maybe you can figure out which
traditional parts you can stomach
(perhaps the majestic wedding cake?)
and which ones offend you. Phyllis
can decide which traditional aspects
she can do without and which ones
seem particularly meaningful to her.
Ultimately, you should he able to
work out a happy compromise.
Frankly, the only part of Phyllis’
plan Ms. Behavior finds distressing is
the matching dresses. Please try to
come up with a sensible alternative.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
1 met these two guys last year, and
we hit it off. We had a lot of fun as a
group, going to parties and out to the
bars. I guess you can say 1 was their
“boy." Sexually, I liked one dad better
than the other, and it showed.
Things started to get had for my
two dads, and they are no kmger
together. The one I liked
more wants me to be
with him. I’m all for it; I
love him, and he is a
great guy.
Here’s the had part:
When they started to
have problems, 1 met this
guy on the Net. I knew
that my two dads were
breaking up and that I
would he out in the cold,
so I thought w'hat I was
doing was OK. The guy
from the Net lives way out of state.
I’m thinking about moving to he
with him.
I really like both guys a lot. The
only thing that’s not the same is the
sex. Sex with one is really hot, and
the other is good. What should I do? I
have fallen in love with both and
don’t want to hurt anyone.
— Lost Boy
D ear L o st B oy :
Your problem isn’t which “dad”
to pick, but rather that you’re lost.
Quickly snagging a new boyfriend
on the Internet so you wouldn’t he
“out in the cold” suggests you feel
anxious about being on your own.
Maybe you’re afraid you can’t sus
tain yourself financially or em otion
ally. But if you’re living in a pan
icked state, where survival feels
dependent on someone taking care
of you, it’s hard to decide which
man to use as your anchor (or
boyfriend).
You need to identify and deal
with your fears (i.e., through thera
py) so you don’t find yourself moving
cross-country every time a relation
ship ends. That will soon grow te
dious. Ultimately, you’ll he happier
chtxising men based on mutual inter
est and attraction rather than fear of
being alone.
Sex isn’t always the best predictor
of a successful relationship. A good
relationship requires chemistry, hut
that doesn’t seem to he your prob
lem. Hot sex seems better than good
sex, hut it depends on why the hot
sex is hot. If it’s because you rarely
see each other or because your hook
ups are surrounded by secrets or
drama, the temperature may quickly
drop if you live together or aren’t tit
illated by the prospect of another
party finding out.
Ultimately, you should figure out
what you can give yourself that isn’t
dependent on someone else. St) go to
your rixim, young man, and rake some
time to sort it out. Pretend Daddy
sent you, if that helps. J H
© Meryl Cohn 2004
M f .RYL C ohn is the author of Do What
I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay
and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
Mifflin). Signed copies are available
directly from the author.
Send questions or correspondence to
msbehavior@aol. com.