Just out., January 23, 2004, Page 13, Image 13

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JM » t O U t |1 3
\ i'[ i] \ u \ V i'¡ * s 'u n e w s
or more than 30 years, those involved
with Parents, Families and Friends of
Lesbians and Gays have made it their
mission to promote the health and
well-being of queers and their closest
acquaintances.
That kind of support will he available for
residents o f Clackam as County beginning
Jan. 27, when PFLAG’s newest chapter holds
its first meeting in Oregon City. The group will
continue to get together on the fourth Tuesday
of each month.
The formation of the chapter is being spear­
headed by two mothers of gay children. Marion
Hammer first came to PFLAG for support
because of problems that her now 41-year-old
gay son encountered early in his life.
“During junior high schcxil, Mark struggled
and was the victim of insensitivity from teachers
and other students,” Hammer says. “It was very
troubling. I felt I had no one to turn *o and very
few people to talk to. 1 had a few gay friends and
very supportive faith community who were a
great help. A few years later I discovered PFLAG
and found other par­
ents who had the
same experiences. 1
was so impressed with
the resources, and it
was so reassuring that
1 was not the only
parent.”
A ccording
to
Sue, another mother
who is organizing
the group, there is a
“desperate need” in
C lackam as County
for the resources
gathered
through
PFLAG. Her daugh­
ter Mary is a 16-year-
old lesbian high
school student.
“There’s just not a whole lot of resources out
here for gay kids and their families and friends—
for support, education and, most of all, advoca­
cy,” Sue says.
Raven, a 17-year-old Clackamas County les­
bian high school student, has found support
from family and friends hut also has experienced
the negative side of being queer. Although her
high school has a Gay Straight Alliance, she
still feels intense rejection and negativity.
‘T h e truth is, most people don’t want [the
G SA ] to meet,” she says. “On the good side, 10
percent of the school population are active
members.”
PHOTO BY MAflTY DAVIS
Editor’s note: Some names have been changed at
the sources’ request.
A ll in the F amily
Clackamas County mothers form PFLAG chapter
by T om Steven son
Mary says she hears a lot of homophobic
chatter among peers at her high school.
Although she herself has never been a victim of,
or actually seen, violence or physical harass­
ment, she knows plenty of others who have not
been so fortunate.
“Mostly it’s the comments: ‘That’s so gay’
being the main one that I hear,” Mary says. “It
doesn’t have to he an insult, though usually it is
meant as one. The way I see it, sometimes in can
he a compliment in certain circumstances.”
R.E. Szego, the outreach coordinator for
Clackamas County Sexual Minority Youth Con­
nection, a queer support group, sees the new
PFLAG chapter as a “fantastic resource to offer
parents and guardians who are looking for ways to
support their kids.” Through her work, she hears
stories about “high school students being threat­
ened and/or physically and verbally harassed at
schools for being dif­
ferent. One youth I’ve
worked with reported
being
reprimanded
and having his mother
called for talking to
other students in class
about how gays were
persecuted in the
Holocaust.”
Szego sees young
people in all stages of
the coming-out process
as they come to accept
their sexuality. Some
are open, out and
proud, and others are
closeted to absolutely
— Sue everyone.
“Some youth will
only meet with me one-on-one and won’t come
to the group events because they’re not ready for
others to know about their sexual orientation,”
Szego says. “Or maybe they don’t feel safe com­
ing out in their families and schools, or maybe
they’re still figuring things out for themselves.
Likewise, youth I work with come from varying
experiences within their families, from complete
intolerance of their gender expression and/or
sexual orientation to having parents super-eager
to support them.”
Mary and Raven have found their parents to
he supportive and consider themselves “lucky.”
They both feel that a PFLAG chapter will he
"We initially felt a lot of sadness
that she has to live in a world that is
not always accepting other sexual
orientation. ...W e now try to
channel our feelings into activism to
help the rest of the world see sexual
orientation as we do— not a choice,
but just the way she was born...no
different than my left-handedness
or her brother's green eyes."
beneficial to everyone in
Clackamas County.
“It makes me sad that
I’ve met and heard about
too many youth who are
abused, rejected or kicked
out to live on the streets
by their parents and fami­
ly only because they are
GLBT,” Mary says.
Raven adds: “I just re­
cently outed myself to my
mother and gave her some
info about PFLAG in
Portland. Some days it’s
just too much to make it
there. Now that Clacka­
mas County will have [a
chapter], it’s going to he a
lot easier for her to adjust
to my sexuality. The
G L B T community in
Clackam as County is
spread out and thin. With
a PFLAG here, we can
come together more at a
M arion Ham m er struggled early on to accept the fact that her
safe place.”
son was gay
According to Hammer,
local reaction to the formation of a PFLAG
Hammer says although she struggled early
chapter has been good.
on to accept the fact that her son was gay
“We are seeing positive responses by various
(“this was not how I imagined a mainstream
people, including family therapists and con­ child” ), she loved him and acknowledged to
cerned parents who have heard about the
herself that she had a lot to learn. Through
chapter beginning and feel the word is getting
the years her growth has been progressive and
out,” she says. “ But I know gay and lesbian
steady.
youth who don’t feel comfortable being out in
“I think my views are continually changing
their schools. Their experiences don’t sound
and hope I can continue to expand my think­
much different than my son 25 years ago. That
ing,” she says. “I didn’t realize the struggles
is disappointing.”
young people encounter, and looking hack it
Sue says that while her daughter feels sup­ helps explain many of my son’s difficulties as a
port at home, other children do not feel the
young child and adolescent. Children need to
he loved and nourished for who they are, just
same thing. Mary came out to her family at 14-
“Her dad and I were fine with it from Day
the way they are.” J H
One,” Sue says. “Even her little brother, who is
now 14, didn’t have a problem with it. We ini­ P arents , F amilies and F riends of L esbians
tially felt a lot of sadness that she has to live in and G ays C lackamas C ounty mil meet from
a world that is not always accepting of her sexu­ 7 to 8:30 p.m. on the fourth Tuesday of the rrumth
al orientation, as well as worries about her safe­ starting Jan. 27 at Atkinson Memorial Church,
710 Sixth St. in Oregon City.
ty. We now try to channel our feelings into
activism to help the rest of the world see sexual
orientation as we do— not a choice, but just the
T om STEVENSON is a Portland free-lance writer
way she was horn...no different than my left-
and a full-time Portland State University student
handedness or her brother’s green eyes.”
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