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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 19, 2003)
9 dec ember 19. 2003 • Ju s t o u t 41 BOOKS ............. ▼.............. (S)he's having a baby T he L esbian P arenting B u > k : A G uide to C reating F amilies and R aising C hildren try D. Merilee Clurus, Ph.D ., and G. Dorsey Green, Ph.D.; Seal Press, 2003; $18.95 softcover helpful resource guide, The Lesbian Par- enring Book offers insight into things you may not have considered. For example, it includes information about homophobia in childbirth classes and how to chixwe a lesbian- friendly physician. Yet, like any book that attempts to take on such a broad subject matter, it’s hit and miss. A total of 17 chap ters cover everything from deciding whether to have children to the role of lesbian grandmother. The bxxik is divided into two sections: Tide first addresses issues common to lesbian families, such as coming out and the role of partners and attempts to tackle big issues like racism and homophobia; the second offers information about different stages of child development, from prenatal and birth to dealing with adult kids. The best thing about The Lesbian Parenting Book is the inclusion of vignettes from a diverse group of lesbian parents. Reading about other people’s experiences shows that there really is no one way to he a parent and that moms need to figure out what works best for their families. The authors should have stuck with the unique aspects of being a lesbian parent— it is here that they shine. Whereas 1 appreciate A eatingout eatingout Child-rearing advice for all-girl and all-boy parents their effort to include information on dealing with racism, the chapter simply skims the sur face of this deep and complex topic. The chap ter on coming out to your children, however, is highly informative and would he helpful to people with kids of any age. The btxik is well-organized so finding a chapter on your particular interest is easy, and an excellent resource guide and bibliography are included. — Kathy Beige tion of positive, inspiring portraits of gay men who have chosen to he dads. This is not a how to Kx>k, nor is it a parenting aid for the gay dad. This is story after story of what drove gay men, both alone and with partners, to go through the sometimes grueling prixress of becoming a parent. The authors are unabashed in their desire to tell only the stories of successes, since there are enough naysayers in the world and few inspirational sources. “This is a door,’’ says one G ay D ads : A C elebration of F atherhood by David Strah et a l.; J.P. Tarcher, 2003; $ 2 3 .95 hardcover he instinct to father children is completely unrelated to one’s sexual instincts. There are heterosexual men who haven’t the slightest need or desire to he a parent. And there are men who wouldn’t dream of putting their penises into a vagina hut who have an overwhelming biological urge to he a father. Parenting, in the end, may be a much deeper and more com plex drive than we ever thought it was. This seems to he one of the messages of Gay Dads: A Celebration o f Fatherhixxl, a new collec T eatingout eatingout Qay D ads includes painfully cute photos of gay eatingout eatingout father, “that as a gay man 1 had closed many years before; having it open was a miracle.” But not always an easy miracle. These stories have recurring themes: T he process of becoming a parent often takes a lot of time and requires hours of research and extraordi nary reserves of determination. T he gcxxl news is G ay Dads also points to the uniquely bountiful, life-affirming rewards and joys that parenting can bring. There are stories of multiracial adoption, of surrogate parenting, of single parenting, of international adoption— stories of men who lied to get a child, men who fought the sys tem and won, men who got a child only after the hardest, roughest roads. Any dumb straight guy has the plumbing to birth a child. Gay Dads is about those men whose drive to be committed, loving fathers leads them to extraordinary measures and, in the end, glorious successes. 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