October 12003 »
CULTURE
G
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It's a scream
irlfriend, hold your
mister-man's hand tight
because Jantzen Beach
will he scarier than your
first pair of heels when Scream
at the Beach throws a homo
haunt Oct. 19— a ghoulish
gav night specifically for
Fagenstems, Dvkulas and
Wicked Bttches from all
dimensions.
The award-winning
Halloween attraction—
renamed “Queens at the
Beach” tor this special
night— reincarnates five
spcxiky sires into campy
sendups. Gay owner Henry
Miller says it will he a bouf
fant extravaganza with
thrills and chills that will
make your wig stand higher
than Grandma’s beehive.
On the lisp of gay upgrades
are monsters in feather
boas, prancing aliens and
enough cemetery show
runes to make Judy roll
over in her grave.
Although he says this
may he the first such gay
night at a major Hallow
een attraction, Miller has
been raising hell on earth
for three seasons. The key,
he says, is emphasis on a
sptxiky scare rather than
guts and gore.
This year, Millers been
working since July with
dozens of volunteers from
Help Henry' Miller
the American Red Cross
(which receives a portion of the prix:eeds) and
two other companies to create an indexir nether
world featuring all new, custom-made tours that
celebrate two things with which queers can iden
tify: facing our tears and playing dress-up.
Here’s but just a frightening glimpse at what
lies beyond the gypsy wagon.
If you love Indiana Jones and his big, long
whip, start at the Forbidden Temple. But be
careful, honey, because before long you’re going
to be facing a wall of dildos cornin’ right for
you. Not scared? Ltxik again— they’re really
razor-sharp spikes, and you’d better get out of
there fast because these pricks may just pierce
you where you don’t need another hole.
As you lcxik for a way out, ladies, be careful
what you fiddle with— you may find that the
furry little patch you felt in the dark has eight
legs. And wrhen the volcano begins spewing its
load, boys, try to keep your mouth shut and
leave the moaning to the molten mummies.
(Don’t listen to those voices in the dark, either.
Groping is the only way. Just don’t be surprised
if you find things a little wet and slimy.)
Which brings to mind those Planet Out
aliens that penetrate Anus— 1 mean, Alpha Sta
tion 13. With cool 3-D effects, lots of smoke and
mirrors, and more startling things jumping out of
dark comers than Laurelhurst Park, you’ll be
glad you have a laser gun to protect yourself.
The key to beating off those aliens is simply to
channel lesbolicious Sigourney Weaver. Watch
out for that airkx:k: It’s a full-hxly blow job.
OK, you say, despite being gay, this is just
theme-park fey all the way.
Then step inside Baron Von Goolo’s Muse
um of Horrors for a seriously disturbing visit to
what must be the origins of the word “queer.”
Secret panels reveal more bones than a bath
house while a queer cadaver deadpans her best
cabaret. (Yes, Geri Halliwell can apparently
raise the dead.) Like Stark Street, this attrac-
Haunted house welcomes fairies
to an all-homo’s-eve
by
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2 people
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ud£d a ((antic 6i*<y ¿aduuxu
rause
6 courses....
cuáed due Cue ¿¿(et uUuyou
14 days
to take advantage
oxnmedijed áouecf
frnauuci
o f $22 Decadence
Restaurant
& Lounge
Visit us at
www.starkys.com
ayaua
Special by Reservation Only
Available 6-9pm
503 230*7980
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2913 SE Stark
15% OFF Dinner Entrees
get through Queens at the Beach on Oct. 19
tion has one of everything, including many 1
could never describe and am still trying to for
get. Can you say “altered taxidermy”? Still, my
daring dykes, don’t leave until you’ve asked
about the chicken mustache.
One mysterious area that Miller didn’t let
me see— which, of course, intrigues me all the
more— was the Theater Macabre. Two small
stages present different 20-minute shows that
involve ghost stories, dark magic and other
unexplainable phenomena, whispers Miller, as
he ushers me our without saying another word
about it. How curious.
If, for some insane reason, you bring young
children, drop them off at Nigel’s Haunted
Playhouse, where two, um, rats await the
tykes too young to know how scary 50
straights dressed up like queens can be.
A cartixin-style haunted house with hands-on
exhibits provide playful Halloween activities
and take-home crafts of the young and feeble
(O K, those 3 to 7).
Finally, while waiting for friends who’ve
disappeared, be sure to visit the fortuneteller,
wandering monsters, magician and unique
backdrops for memorable photos that create a
lobby sideshow. Yes, snacks and souvenirs, too.
So, let’s recap: passages darker than the
hack nx)m of the Eagle; more strobe lights than
Embers; bigger surprises than Club XES; and
another tomb to raid besides the Egyptian
Room.
between 5:30 & 7pm every day!
5 0 3 -2 4 8 -2 1 1 2
1135 SW Morrison
price per person Oct. 3-17, 2003 only
Mention Ju st Out when you call!
_________________________________________________________
F IN E 'D IN IN G FROM T H E SEA
3520 NE 42N D AT FREM O N T
503-249-8486
D IN N ER S FROM 5:30 TO 9:30
W ED N ESD A Y - SATURDAY
It’s Just Better!
You’re gonna love the bread
Si everything in between!
1 5 4 5 NE Sandy Blvd
6 8 8 IME Grand Ave
( 503 ] 833-4540
Open 0am-8pm M-F • 11 am-0pm Sat
( 503 ] 834-8585
Open 8am -7pm M-F
in
S cream
at th e
B e a c h , 1802 Jantzen Beach
Center, opens at 7 p m . Tuesday to Saturday
through O ct. 31, plus Oct. 26 and 27. Queens at
the Beach gay night is 7 to 10 p.m . Oct. 19.
Admission is $7 per haunt or $3 for the children's
exhibit, which includes a ride on the mall’s carousel
(closed during the party, so you’ll haiv to return
another day for this dizzying experience). For details
visit www.scream atthebeach.com /queens.htm.
f\it RjuuU U a A T o
2716 NE MLK
503 288-4169
7a m -2 p m M on-Fri, 8 a m -3 p m S at-S u n
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