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T h reat Company
Swinging and polyatnory
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T he next time they were there, she contin
ou’ve seen the ambiguous sign
ues, “The guy ends up being in line behind us,
and, if you’re new in town, you
and
he was acting like he didn’t know us—
probably wonder what the heck it
until he couldn’t find his ID ...he was like,
means. It’s the Ace of Hearts, and
it’s where Portland swingers go for fun. ‘They know me!’...I was like, ‘No, we don’t
know you, you didn’t want
A mostly straight sex
to know us!”
club, the Ace is a pretty
Rich and Daria are ulti
no-nonsense wham-ham
mately
looking for someone
piece of the action. N o th
they can both connect
ing wrong with that. But
with.
“The definition of the
don’t go calling it poly.
word— ‘polyamory,’ many
Think of it as a subset.
loves. We’re looking for
“We dabbled a
love,” Daria remarks.
little bit,” says Rich,
It’s a difference between
a participant in the
knowing someone and sim
January m eeting of the
ply having sex. “The paths
Polyamory C ircle. “But
may cross,” notes Aaron at
it’s a very, very different
the same meeting, “byt
m ind-set.”
they’re different paths. If
His partner, Daria,
you put a label on it,
agrees. “They don’t care
swinging is about sex;
to know your name."
polyamory is about rela
T hey m et another
tionship building."
couple at the A ce of
A aron’s own family
H earts they liked once,
extends to "10 or 15" peo
but w hen they suggested
ple, and that can include
m eeting them outside its
protective walls, they
The Ace of Hearts, at Southeast 39th sex, but not solely. “We’re
all family, and we all play
were rebuffed. Says
Avenue and Powell Boulevard, caters
together in every aspect of
Daria, “T h e y ’re like,
to the swinging crowd
our lives.”
‘N o ...w e w ant ta b e
“And,"
adds
meeting
participant George,
totally anonym ous; we d o n ’t w ant to know
you know each other’s names.” JTt
you out in the real world.’”
Y
terrified.” Both Lisa and Will “were very
accomiTuxJating,” she remembers, adding with
a smile, “and I was very demanding.”
thing," Kristen says, “but she’s really honest.”
But when polyamory doesn’t come to you
They began seeing each other regularly in
naturally and you don’t have 10 years to get
response to what Lisa calls “love at first sight."
used to the idea, there are bound to be prob
Kristen, 30, wasn’t concerned about Lisa’s marital
lems. “You used to have one person you had to
status because “1 thought, ‘She’s really cute, and
keep
happy,” says Will. “Now you have two. So
I’m single and not kxrking for a relationship.
it’s twice as hard. Lisa had it the worst; she had
We’ll just date, we’ll have some fun.. .she’s mar
to keep both of us happy."
ried, so I can be sure that it’s not going to be any
Kristen had jealousy problems right from
thing serious.’ That was six years ago,” she laughs.
the start. “I’m not jealous that she
After a few months, Kristen relates,
loves someone else...you realize
“She told me she loved me and that
th at it doesn’t take any of
she knows 1 love her tcx> ’cause
the love that they feel for
she wouldn’t feel that way if I
you aw ay ...it’s the social
didn’t feel that way about her.
ization of the m ono
I just started to cry ’cause I
gamy of the sexual act.
knew it was tme. And
T h a t’s what gets a lot
then, what do you do with
of people.”
that?”
Still, she stayed
You start a
right
where
she was,
polyamorous relationship.
learning to cope and
“As they got a little
becoming
a complete
more involved, I could see
member of the family. Lisa
that it was gtxxl for Lisa,”
—Will, whose wife
and
W ill’s son, now 14, saw
observes Will. “She was happier.
has
another
partner
her as sort of a second mom;
I could see it was something that I
W
ill’s
daughter, now 19, thinks of
couldn’t give her.”
her more as a “big sister.” They came out a lit
But after a year, Lisa and Will were both
tle at a time to close friends and relatives, who
tired of Lisa’s continual absences from home,
accepted Kristen as Lisa’s partner.
and Kristen’s living situation was breaking
As for Lisa, she admits the new family rela
down. They decided to have Kristen move into
tionship was “difficult” but ultimately worth it.
their Southeast Portland home.
“I wanted to all be together in one house; that
None of the three had done any research
was my family. This weird thing that I knew
on polyamorous lifestyles or knew other poly
would happen to me one day,” she grins. “Six
people. “1 had no frame of reference,” Kristen
years later, she’s still my wife.”
says. “If we were doing it right...you just kind
But last year, Kristen and Lisa decided Kris
of have to go with your gut."
ten would move out.
W hen she moved in, she admits, “I was just
Continued from Page 23
"You used to
have one person
you had to keep
happy—now you
have two.
So it 's twice
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