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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 15, 2002)
novembar I S. 2002 justrcn G U EST CO M M ENTARY , j,„ j, nikma The IN publication for the OUT population F ounded 1983 • J ay B rown Voi. 2 0 N o . 2 and R enée L a C hance N o v em b er 15, 2 0 0 2 F EATUR E M M IS T I N HAYNEST: Portland director just might win an Oscar. Who is he? P 24 NEWS NORTHWEST • World AIDS Day highlights stigma and discrimination; Creating Change conference sets records; ram sexual preference linked to brain differences PP 7 - 1 5 NATIONAL • Demonstration challenges “ex-gay” seminar’s misleading messages; crushing defeat stalls gay agenda; queer atheists come out o f another closet; military ousts cunning linguists PP 1 7 - 2 1 W ORLI • Belgium considers same-sex marriage; Tecate outlaws trannies; Canada censors fisting PP 2 2 - 2 3 ARTS A ND CULTURE MRSIC • Carol Reise gives you fever; reviews of some divas and one strange Icelandic wonder band pp 3 4 - 3 5 PEOPLE • Just Out talks to the uproarious Kate Clinton P 37 ART • Jen Woody makes some fabulously whimsical little ladies p 39 OIVERSIONS • Lesbian cable show; Sara Ryan wins Oregon Book Award; Beth Orton at the Roseland; Tammy Faye likes animals, too p 40 WHAT'S POPPIN'T • Wildly overrated 8 Mile and Punch-Drunk Love P 41 C01THRE • 2 Gyrlz Performative Arts presents the Enteractive Language Festival pp 4 2 - 4 3 Living by markers A personal reflection n Dec. 1, people around the world will commemorate the 15th World AIDS Day. Some three months later, I will mark the 15th anniversary of the day when I learned that my body is home to the human immunodeficiency virus. I am not a long-term survivor, as the conventional labeling goes. In my lexicon, I am a long-term “thrivor," not in spite of but because I am HIV-positive. In sharing my experience here, I speak for no one else. I share only that which resides in my heart and in my life. If, in 1988,1 had been asked, “What will you be doing with your life in 15 years?” my answer would have been something like: “I’m HIV positive. My life won’t last 15 years.” Thus began my gradual and tenta tive walk along a path with life on one side and death on the other. Until a few years ago, one marker after another defined my life. Will I live to see my 30th birthday? The ’92 election? Next Christmas? The ’96 election? The new millennium? My 40th birthday? Each marker passed. Between them, I continued to monitor my test results— CD-4 count: 480, 190,380, 412. In 1996, enter the viral load test: un detectable, 4,500, undetectable, undetectable and so on. Last month’s results— CD-4: 396; viral load: undetectable. Living by markers was a convenient and possibly necessary way of forestalling decisions about or plans for my future. I had no hope that there would be a future. I was myopic in my attempts at staying alive. Today, after 15 years of living with HIV, I am more alive than ever. For this, I give credit to two dreams and one conversation. In the fall of 2 0 0 1 ,1 had a dream in which I was sitting at the bed side of a dying person. In this dream my role was to help this person let go of this life and to peacefully cross over to the next. Weeks later, I was walking my dog in Alberta Park. There, I struck up a conversation with a massage therapist who works in the HIV/AIDS arena, most recently presenting at the International AIDS Conference in Barcelona, Spain. The conversation meandered toward the challenges facing people living with this disease. “I am continually meeting men who were once quite ill. They return to good health, spend hours a day at the gym and do nothing to help those who are still sick,” she decried. One could argue that her comment was somewhat harsh. It never theless struck a lasting chord in me and challenged me to ask, “What exactly am I doing to help those who are not as fortunate as I am ?’ The question took only a few minutes to answer: nothing. A week passed and brought the second dream, identical to the first. Again, I was helping someone die. I awoke from this dream with a sense of purpose I had never known. In the middle of the night I discovered what I needed to do next. Days later, I was sitting in my car with a few minutes to collect my thoughts before an interview with the director of volunteers at Our House, a residence for people with AIDS. I was full of anxiety and doubt. “Am I really up for this? What if I lose it during the tour? “Maybe I should come back another time.” A few deep breaths later and I was in the interview telling of the dreams and the conversation. A t once leery and certain, 1 agreed to begin volunteering Thursday evenings. It was on a Thursday in November when I met Leonard. He was a resident who recently had moved into Our House. Within a few weeks, we had developed a bond that is with me to this day. Leonard shared with me what was left of his life and I listened. He became my teacher and I his witness. Leonard’s death ended a difficult life. A s his final breath drew near, I held his trembling hand, dabbed his moist forehead and cried. I cried because it hurt to watch as Leonard raced and struggled to make peace with his life and his family. I cried because I knew this was not how he wanted his life to end. I cried because I feared a similar death might someday visit me. Through Leonard’s dying I learned about life. I learned that I want to die a peaceful death; that every word, every action and every moment matters; that now is the time to heal my wounds and my rela tionships; and that if I die in four hours or 40 years, I want to be at peace with how I have loved and how I have lived my life. Leonard died at 2 a.m. Feb. 1 7 .1 miss him and I thank him for these lessons and for keeping his promise of letting me know that he made it to the other side. After Leonard’s death, I needed some time away from my volunteer duties. During this respite, I learned that Our House was searching for a development director. I had been in the field for seven years and believed that both my life and volunteer experience would allow for a greater expression of my humanity and a larger contribution to the AIDS community. It took 14 years of living with HIV for me to develop the courage, purposefulness and determination to face A ID S— directly and com pletely. Today, I have the privilege of walking through the doors at Our House to begin my workday. 1 find inspiration in the people who live and work here. And for the first time, I am doing what 1 am supposed to be doing: living. It is in memory of Leonard and the other 20 million people who have died of A ID S that I share my small comer of the world as we com memorate World A ID S Day. J H Reach JOE JEFFERSON at jjefferson@ourhouseofportland.org. COLUMNS M S. RERAVIQR - My boyfriend loves me, this I know. For The New York Times tells me so. , REFLECTIONS 33 A s Ju st O ut enters our 20th year o f publishing we wish to thank all those advertisers who were with us 10 years ago— and are still with us today- THE 60SPEL ACCORDING TR MARC • Why do all the crazies move to the Northwest? Shakti Cove Cottages Ferguson Autobody Coventry Cycle Works Escential Lotions & Oils Bender Properties The Real Mother Goose Millynn James Cascade A ID S Project Bradley J. Woodworth Floreid Walker, Waddell & Reed Oregon Hot Spring Spas Cotton Cloud Futon It’s My Pleasure Portland Gay Men's C h o n » P 45 Ju st MM U published m i the first and third Fri day of each month. Copyright © 2002 by Just Out. N o part o (Ju st Out may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. The lubmiMion o f written and graphic materi al* i* welcomed. Written material should be typed and dou ble-spaced. Just Out reserves the right to edit for grammar, punc tuation. style, liability concerns and length. We will reject or edit articles or advertisements that are offensive, demeaning or may result in legal action. L etter* to the editor should be limited to 500 words. A n nouncements regarding life transitions (hitths, deaths, unions, etc.) shook! be limited to 200 words; phot»« are welcome. Dead line for n h m lm lon * to the editorial depanment and for the Calendar is the Thursday 15 days before the next publication date. Views expressed in letters to the editor, columns and features are not necessarily those of the publisher. The display adr«rfl*lng deadline is the Monday 12 days before the next publication date. C lassified ad s mint be received at the Just Out office by 4 p.m. on the Thursday eight days before the next publication date, akmg with payment. Ads may be placed by telephone or via the Internet with Visa or MasterCard payment. Ad policy: Just Out reserves the right to reject or edit any advertisement. Compensation for emirs in, or cancellation of, advertising will be made with credit toward future advertising. Advertising rates are available upon request. D istribution policy. Just Out is available free of charge, one copy per person. Just Out is delivered only to authorized distribu tors. N o person may, without prior written permission fnan Just Out, take more than one ci^iy. Any person who takes more than one copy may be held liable ftir theft, including but not limited to civil damages and/or criminal prosecution. tw bsrriptioos are $22.50 kw 12 issues. First Class (in an envelope) is $40 for 12 issues. C on tact Just Out at P.O. Box 14400, Portland, O R 97293-0400; 501-236-1252, advertising 503-216-1253, fax 503-236-1257; e-mail justoutDjustout.com. Visit our Internet site at www.justout.com. years ago m Nancy/Reid Vanderburgh Brooke W inter David W. Owens, PC & A ssociates Steven Koehler G ail Davis Mary M andeville Karen M. Creswell Patricia A . Newland Serena Barton A nna B. Ingre Suzanne Scopes C elia J. Lyon Lynn Handlin O in t Schrader •s >] 'f 'V ■. S We couldn't have made it w ithout you. Thank you. T he Ju st O ut Staff N R U S H B A M MANAONB a r m • Marty Davis NEWS a m « J i m Radosta ARTS A M O H IM IB IT M • Lisa Bradshaw ERfTM AL ASSISTANT • Marie Fleischmann C M TM im M S • Marc Acito, Kathy Beige, Wayne Besen, Meryl Cohn, Jodi Darby, Joe Jefferson, Christopher McQuain, Gary Morris, TJ Norris, Bob Roehr, Natalie Shapiro, Kioyd Sklaver, Caitlin Smith, Cori Taratoot, Kat Wilson, Rex Wockner Airam SM C MECTN • Larry Lewis AIVBm SMC M W K N B V IW I • Markie Acevedo ARVERTMM ASSISTANT • Erin Sexton NATIMAL A R V B TM M V K S B IM n V f • Rivendell Marketing Company Inc., 212-242-6863 B U P K N O T I • Kevin Moore P M M C TM I ASSISTANT • Zanne dejanvier V f l f f MANASfll • Marie Fleischmann M STVM m M • Ed Carder, Jennifer Brinson, lan Drake, Ron Geer, Mary Hauer, Anne Ochi, Melissa Weigand 3
