august 16,2002 '
29
ADVICE
lesbian, bi, trans and straight Everyone wel-
. come! (11 am Sunday. 7 pm Thursday Bible
c| study and prayer 1500 NE 49th S t. Vancouver
• 360-885-9461 gmbear68@netzero.net.H 1 1/02)
i Michael Servetus Unitarian
p Universalist Fellowship, a home fo r the
liberal religious spirit. (10 am Sunday. 4505 E
P 18th St.. Vancouver 360-695-1891.) (11/02)
Willamette Valley:
Spirituality
First Congregational Church, United
Church of Christ is an open and affirming
congregation offering worship and church
school. Child care provided and wheelchair
accessible (9 am Sunday learning hour. 10 am
worship. 700 Marion St. NE. Salem.
503-363-3660.) ( 11/02)
M om ingside United Methodist Church
The Broadw ay Rose Theatre Com pany “brings to life” the gu ys of Forever Plaid through Aug.
Marionberry Salon meets monthly in Salem for
potlucks and discussion o f books touching on the les
bian. gay or bi experience. (Cary 503-363-6036.
manonberrysabn@aol. com .) (11 /0 2 )
Team Oregon organizes athletes to participate in the Gay
Games Nov. 2-9, 2002, in Sydney, Australia. If you want to
participate in the opening and closing events, you must be
part of Team Oregon. (www. teamoregonusa com) (11 /02)
SPIRITUALITY
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Ainsworth United Church of Christ is a multi
racial, m ulticultural, open and affirm ing church. Sunday
worship is at 10 am; church school fo r children runs
concurrently. (2941 NE Ainsworth St. 503-284-8767.
aucc@ teleport. com.) (11 /0 2 )
Anawim Community of gay men meets weekly for
Chnstian meditation and prayer. (7.30 pm Thursday.
5 0 3 -2 8 1 0 7 2 2 .H U /0 2 )
Com passionate Heart Sangha plays host to
weekly sittings in the Vipassana M editation Tradition at
Flanders House. (7:30-9 pm Wednesday. 2926 NE
Handers St. Jon 503-239-5539.) (11/02)
Congregation Neveh Shalom an open and pro
gressive Conservative Jewish synagogue, extends a
warm welcome to all sexual minonties. Shabbat serv
ices 8:15 pm Friday and 9 am Saturday. (2900 SW
Peaceful Lane. 503-249-8831.) ( 11 /0 2 )
Congregation P'nai O r (Faces of Light) is a
vibrant, egalitarian, Jewish Renewal congregation in
Portland. M eets several times a month in various loca
tions. (PO Box 42187. Portland. OR 97242-0187.
503-248-4500 www.pnaiorpdx.org.) (11/02)
Dignity Portland meets fo r Mass on Sundays.
(503-262-6947.) ( U m
Eastrose Fellowship Unitarian Universal!st a wel
coming congregation, offers Sunday service and children's
religious education at 10:30 am. (1133 NE 181st Ave..
Gresham. 503-665-2628. eastrose@teleport.com .)(11 /02)
Faith United Methodist Church is a welcoming
community o f Christians in Troutdale that values and
encourages all people in finding a place of belonging in
the family o f God. Sunday worship at 10:15 am; Adult
Education at 9 am; children and youth at 10:30 am.
Wednesday Prayers 6-6:30 pm. (27400 SE Stark St.
503-661-4520.) (11/02)
First Unitarian Church of Portland is an open and
affirming liberal religious community offering a wide range
of programs to nurture spiritual growth, community and
social justice. Sunday service 10 am. (1011 SW 12th Ave
503-228-6389 www.firstuntananportland.org.) (11/02)
First United Methodist Church of Portland a
welcoming and reconciling congregation, believes no
one is le ft out in God's family. Sexual m inority potlucks
held monthly. (10.30 am Sunday 1838 SW Jefferson
S t 503228-3195 www fum cpdx.org.) (11/02)
Grace Space is a New Thought spiritual center dedi
cated to offering ways to experience Spirit Sunday
evening celebrations with Rev. Stephanie Torres,
Conscious Breathing experiences, Chanting, Healing
Services, M editation classes and a miracles study
group. (5 pm Bridgeport Community Church. 621 NE
76th Ave 503-287-3216.H U /02)
Integrity is a group of GLBT Episcopalians and
friends Various locations throughout Oregon. (Bruce
Mason. Regional D irector 503-286-9111 or
brucepdxor@ attbi.com. www.integrityusa.org.H 1 1/02)
Intorfaith Spiritual Cantor. Spintual directors from
various world religious traditions are available for guidance,
classes and retreats. (Second Floor. 3910 SE 11th Ave
503-233-2026. ext. 3 wwwmterfaithspintualcentercom.)
( 11 / 02 )
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Church is a "house church," bringing gay and straight
together (Daily prayer 7 2 0 am. Sunday gathering
5 pm 2116 NE 18th Ave 503-281 3697
www tearsoup.com /m etanoia.HU /0 2 )
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Portland Canter for Spiritual Growth in the Unity
Church building invites you to celebrate your spintuality
with the Revs. Casey and Berdell Moffett-Chaney. Liberal,
practical; all are welcome. (5 pm Sunday service: 7.30-9
pm Monday Spiritual Principle Gab Group , 4-440 pm
Sunday Rescuing the Bible from the Right Wing Discussion
Group 4525 SE Stark Ave. 503-777-0727.) (11/02)
Portland Church of Religious Science is a liber
Metro: Spirituality
- « ----- » -
holds ecumenical Sunday morning worship services at
9 and 11 am. Sunday school for children is held during
the 11 am worship service. (2400 NE Broadway.
503-281 -8868. info@mccportland. com. ) (1 1/02)
D n a tliifiif
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al, open, progressive New Thought community welcom
ing everyone to discover the spirit within. Change your
thinking, change your life! (10 am Sunday meditation.
10 30 am service and ju n ior church. 6:30 pm
Wednesday prayer circle. 3983 NE 112th Ave.
503-261 -0677.) ( U 102)
Portland Radical Faeries meet twice a month with
potlucks and circles at the full moon and the new
moon. Open to all men seeking alternative spiritual
growth and community. Coffee hours start 9:30 am
Saturdays at 3 Friends Coffeehouse, 201 SE 12th Ave.
(503-235-0826 0 tter@pce 2 .com.) (11/02)
SisterSpirit offers women's spirituality celebrations,
discussion groups, a drumming circle, workshops and
classes. Schedule of events available. All women are
welcome. (Suite 102, 3430 SE Belmont St. Mailing
address: PO Box 9246, Portland, OR 97207.
503-736-3297. sistersp@ teleport.com .) (11/02)
South minster Presbyterian Church is a chal
lenging, supportive community that welcomes all peo
ple. It is the first M ore Light Presbyterian Church in
Oregon. Sunday school and nursery care. (10 am
Sunday. 12250 SW Denney Road, Beaverton.
503-644-2073. staff@ southmin.com.) (11 /02)
Gay and Lesbian Outreach (GALO ) of St.
Philip Neri Catholic Church celebrates an affirm
ing Mass followed by a social. (7:30 pm Friday. Paulist
Center. 2408 SE 16th Ave. 503-231 -4955. ) (1 1/02)
•
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church has been wel
coming all people since 1863. (12.10 pm Wednesday
and 7 4 5 and W arn Sunday. Sunday school and child
care at 10 am. Southwest 13th Avenue at Clay Street.
503-223-6424 ) ( 11/02)
Waverly Heights Church (U C O is open and
affirm ing with worship, children's school and child care.
(W am Sunday 3300 SE Woodward S t 503 238 1337
www.waver1yucc.org.) (11 /0 2 )
W y'east Unitarian Universalist Congregation
is an open and liberal religious community offenng inter-
generational services and religious education for chil
dren. It welcomes gay, lesbian, bi and trans members
Nurtures spintual growth and promotes living by
Unitarian Universalist principles (4 pm Sunday
3915 SE Steele St. 503-777-3704
www.wyeast.pnwd.uua.org.) (11/02)
Zion United Church of Christ an open and
affirming congregation, is open to gay, lesbian, bi. trans
and heterosexual people who wish to worship in a
Christ-centered, warm, caring, m ultiage/race/cultural
faith community. (11 am Sunday. 2025 NE 23rd Ave..
Gresham 503665-8741.)U 1/02)
Washington: Spirituality
Abundant Life Center. A New Thought Community
for spiritual awakening, transforming lives through love
A safe place where children learn to embody spintual
principles (10 am Sunday 10009 NE Nmth Ave.,
Vancouver. 360-573-2626.) (11 /0 2 )
is a reconciling congregation where everyone is
welcome to participate in the full life o f the con
gregation. (8.30 and 11 am Sunday. 3674 12th
S t SE Salem. 5 0 3 36 4 -5 0 13 .H W 0 2 )
Sacred Sou ls honors all sacred paths, pro
motes peace and strives to create an environment that
supports and prom otes interfaith dialogue. M eets at
the Oregon School o f Massage. (6 30-8 pm Sunday.
440 Ferry St. SE. Salem, wholhlth@aol.com.
www sacredsouls. o rg ) (11 /0 2 )
YOUTH
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Metro: Youth
Flavors, a program of MultiQueer and Brother to
Brother, is a social support group for sexual minority
youth o f color 24 and younger. Meets every other
Sunday for food and socializing. Regular events and activ
ities. (Des 503-228-3892 or des@lmfamily org. Stephan
503-417-7991 o r hey_stephan@hotmail.com.) (11 /02)
The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education
Network (G LSEN ) fights to end anti-gay bias in K-12
schools. (12700 SW N orth Dakota St.. Suite 180.
*129. Tigard. OR 97223. 503-525-1177.
glsen@glsenoregon org. www.glsenoregon.org.) (11/02)
MultiQueer. a program of Love Makes a Family, pro
vides advocacy to sexual minonty youth. Offers
resources and support in the community and the school
systems, with a focus on support for youth o f color.
(Des 503-228-3892 des@lmfamily org.) (11/02)
Outside In operates a clinic for anyone who can t
qualify fo r the Oregon Health Ran as well as needle
exchange services that include those who inject hor
mones. Can provide transitional housing for youth 20
and younger as well as for those HIV+ and younger than
23. Also plays host to V O IC E S (Voices of Individual
and Community Empowerment from the Streets), a self-
support group for queer youth Needs volunteers of all
ages. (10 am-6 pm Monday-Friday. 1132 SW 13th Ave.
503-535-3801. www. outsidein. org.) (11 /02)
Vanguard Youth Services, a program of Cascadia
Behavioral HealthCare, offers support and recreation to
gay, lesbian, bi and trans kjds 23 and younger. Programs
include Clackam as County Sexual Minority
Youth Connection (C O SM Y C ) provides opportuni
ties for queer and questioning kids to get together for
free, fun and supportive social activities. Also one-on-one
support and referrals to Clackamas County service
providers. (5 03-969-0060 cosmycyouth@yahoo.com )
Expression is a free art/expression support group in
Gresham for queer youth Hang out and have fun every
Friday! (Jonathan 503-872-9664. ext 28 ) Pride
Project bnngs together Washington County queer and
questioning youth to plan and attend monthly social
events Also information, referral and advocacy services
in Washington County. (Molly 503-2605792.
moHy@prideproiect org.) Sexual Minority Youth
Recreation Center (SM YR C ) offers drop-in comput
er access, pool tables and an informal place to hang out.
Weekly youth support groups includes Trans Youth Group
and Personal Deity Proxy (a creative group). (4-8 pm
Monday and Wednesday. 4 pm-midrught Friday arid
Saturday 2100 SE Belmont St. 503-872-9664 TTY
503-231 9286 www smyre org.) Youth HIV/STD
Prevention Project provides fun and educational pro
grams along with counseling and testing to queer youth in
a friendly, relaxed environment (503-8729664 ) ( ! 1/02)
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
to gay, lesbian, bi. trans and questioning youth in
Vancouver, Wash M eets 6-8 pm Tuesdays m the base
ment o f Youth House. 1112 Columbia St. in Vancouver
(John 360-695 1325) (11/02)
East Vancouver United Methodist Church.
Reconciling, welcoming (10 am Sunday.
5701 M acArthur Btvd 360-693-4761
o u rcla rkco u n ty C olum bian co m /2 7 3 /.) (11 /0 2 )
First Congregational Church, United Church
of Christ. Two Sunday services, traditional and "less
traditional' in an open and affirm ing congregation
(1220 NE 68th S t. Vancouver 360693 1476
vanucc@aol com J (1 1/02)
God's Hofy Territory. A spmt hted worshp expen
ence. seeking God fo r holiness and wholeness For gay.
Willamette Valley: Youth
Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Transgender and Questioning
Youth Group for ages 13 to 18 offers support, infer
nation and fun in Eugene Free, confidental. adult-facili
tated (Drop n 4-6 pm Friday Amazon Community
Center. 2 7 0 0 H *yardS t 541 684 3 4 6 6 )(1 1 /0 2 )
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Youth
Group for ages 25 and younger meets every Monday
in Eugene (5 pm Komorna Center. 1414 Kincaid St
541-346-1134 ) (1 1/02)
Another think coming
Are fantasies cheating?
Age-old question answered.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
Is it OK to fanta
size about other peo
ple while making love
to my partner of four
years? I’m not cheat
ing, am I? I mean,
don’t fantasies about
others help keep cou
ples together?
— Far, F af Away
He’s not willing to
compromise about it.
He says: “If it's not
worth it to you to
give up anonymous
sex for a few weeks
to check it out with
me, fine. Don’t have
sex with me.”
If I did agree to
Joel’s terms and
stopped having sex
D ear F ar , F ar
with others in order
A way :
to date him, wouldn’t
You’re not giving
it be dishonest? I’d be
away much informa
agreeing to be faith
by M e ry l Cohn
tion, are you?
ful under false pre
There’s probably no harm in making
tenses, i.e., not because I love him but
love to your partner while fantasizing
just to get him to have sex with me.
about someone famous, like, say, Sarah
I don’t really understand the point.
Michelle Gellar or Venus Williams or
On the other hand, I guess there’s no
even Russell Crowe, for that matter.
harm in giving myself a rest for a few
There’s not much chance that you’ll
weeks.
meet one of these people or that the
I’m confused about whether it’s
focus you place on these fantasies will
wrong to agree to something I don’t
harm your real-life relationship.
really believe in. I’ve also considered
But if you happen to have a real-
telling Joel I’m not having sex with
life crush on a friend
anyone else but doing
or co-worker, you
what I want to do
should try not to
anyway since it won’t
think about that per
harm anyone.
son while you’re in
Besides, what if I
bed with your partner.
have sex with Joel
Thinking of your
and it sucks? What
crush at the wrong
should I do?
time— the moment of
— Tony
orgasm, for exam
ple— will only
D ear T ony :
enhance your feelings
You’re making
for that person and
this way too compli
create distance
cated. If you find
between you and your
that sex with Joel
partner. It’s not exactly “cheating,”
sucks, don’t do it again.
but having a private scenario— about
It’s not like he’s asking you to sign
tying up your next-door neighbor and
up to have him be your only sexual
licking honey off her breasts, for
partner for life; he’s just asking you
example— in your head while your
not to have sex with others while you
girlfriend’s face is between your thighs
and he are being intimate. Here’s the
might be an obstacle to feeling close.
cool part: If you have sex with Joel
O f course, you can always tell your
once and don’t like it, you can blow
partner what’s going on in your head,
every racquetball player at your gym
reciting what’s happening as if you’re
the next day, if you want.
reading subtitles on a movie screen.
You don’t need to “believe in” his
This could be sexy and help you stay
premise or even pretend to think it’s a
connected to your partner physically,
good idea. The question is only
emotionally and romantically.
whether you’re willing to play by his
rules.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
If you’re willing to check things
What do you think of a man who
out with Joel and give yourself “a rest”
demands monogamy before even
from your usual tricks, that’s fine. If
being in a relationship?
you’re not, that’s also OK. There’s
1 met Joel at the gym, and we’ve
nothing wrong with passing up the
had several dates that have, surprising opportunity to date Joel.
ly, not resulted in sex. He is great and
But don’t be a rat and pretend to
sexy and smart, but he refuses to sleep
be monogamous when you’re not just
with me...unless 1 promise not to
because you believe it “won’t harm
sleep with anyone else while we date.
anyone.” Ms. Behavior’s powers do
I am capable of monogamy but
not extend to clearing anyone’s
karma. j n
don’t see why I should agree to it with
out knowing whether Joel is the one
for me. (Isn’t sex one of the ways you
© Meryl Cohn 2002
decide if someone is right for you?)
Joel is not pushing for an emotion
MERYL C ohn is the author of Do What
al commitment before getting to
I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay
know me, but he insists on fidelity if
and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
our relationship becomes sexual. I
Mifflin). Her Internet site is
asked him if this is a fear-of-AIDS
wmv.mshehavior.com. Send questions or
issue, but he says no.
correspondence to msbehaiior@aol. com.
M s. Behavior
What do you
think of a
m an who
demands
monogamy
before even
being in a
relationship?
$