jgm t 2. 2002
ADVICE
..............v ..............
E astro s* Fellow ship Unitarian U niversalist
grow th and community. C offee hours start 9:30 am
a w elcom ing congregation, o ffe rs S u n d a y se rvice
Satu rdays at 3 Fnends Coffeehouse. 201 S E 12th Ave.
and ch ild re n 's religio u s education at 10:30 am
(503 235-0826 otter@pcez.com .)(1 1/02)
(1133 N E 181st Ave.. Gresham . 50 3 66 5 2 6 2 8
eastrose@teleport.com .) (11 /02)
SiatorSpirit offers w om en's spintuality celebrations,
d iscu ssio n groups, a drum m ing circle, w orksh ops and
Faith United Methodist Church is a w elcom ing
c la sse s Schedule of events available All w om en are
com m unity of C h n stian s in Troutdale that values and
encourages all people in finding a place of belonging in
the family of G o d Su n day w orship at 10:15 am; Adult
w elcom e (Suite 102. 3430 S E Belmont S t Mailing
( I I am Sunday. 7 pm Thursday Bible study and prayer
1500 N E 49th St.. Vancouver 360-885 9461.
gmbear68@netzero.net.) (11/02)
Michael Servetus Unitarian Universalist
Fellowship a hom e for the liberal religious spint.
(10 am Sunday 4505 E 18th St . Vancouver
360-695-189I.H U /02)
address: P O Box 9246. Portland. O R 97207.
503-736-3297 sistersp@teleport.com.)(\ 1/02)
Education at 9 am; children and youth at 10:30 am.
Southm instor Presbyterian Church is a chal
W ednesday Prayers 6-6:30 pm. (27400 S E Stark St.
lenging. supportive com m unity that w elcom es all peo
503-661-4520.H U /02 )
ple. It is the first M o re Light Presbyterian C hurch in
First Unitarian Church of Portland is an open and
O regon. Su n d ay school and nursery care. (10 am
affirming liberal religious community offering a wide range
Sunday. 12250 S W Denney Road. Beaverton
503 644-2073 staff@southmin.com.) (11/02)
of program s to nurture spmtual growth, community and
social justice. Sunday service 10 am. (1011 S W 12th Ave.
503228-6389 wwwfirstumtananportlandorg.) (11 /02)
Gay and Lesbian Outreach (GALO ) of St.
Philip Neri Catholic Church celebrates an affirm
First United Methodist Church of Portland, a
ing M a ss followed by a social. (7.30pm Friday. Paulist
w elcom ing and reconciling congregation, believes no
Center. 2408 S E 16th Ave. 503 2 3 1 4 9 5 5 ) U 1/02)
one is left out in G o d 's family Sexual m inonty potlucks
St. Stephen's Episcopal Church has been wel
held monthly. (10:30 am Sunday. 1838 S W Jefferson
com ing all people since 1863. (12:10 pm W ednesday
St 503-228-3195 www.fumcpdx.org.) (U/OH)
and 7 4 5 and 10 am Sunday. Sunday school and child
care at 10 am Southwest 13th Avenue at Clay Street
503 22 3-642 4) (11/02)
Grace Space is a N ew Thought spiritual center dedi
cated to offenng w ays to experience Spirit Su n d ay
evening celebrations with Rev. Stephanie Torres.
C o n sc io u s Breathing experiences. Chanting, H ealing
Service s. Meditation c la sse s and a m iracles study
76th Ave 503 287-3216.) (11/02)
Willamette Valley: Spirituality
First Congregational Church, United Church
of Christ is an open and affirming congregation offer
ing w orship and church school Child care provided and
w heelchair accessible. (9 am Sunday learning hour.
10 am worship. 700 Marion St. NE. Salem.
503-363-3660.) (11/02)
M om ingside United Methodist Church is a rec
onciling congregation where everyone is w elcom e to
participate in the full life of the congregation (8.30 and
11 am Sunday. 3674 12th St. SE. Salem.
503-364-5013.) (U / 02)
Sacred S o u ls h o n o rs all sacre d paths, prom otes
peace and strive s to create an environm ent that su p
po rts and prom otes interfaith dialogue M e e ts at the
O re go n S c h o o l o f M a ssa g e . (6:30-8 pm Sunday.
affirm ing with w orship, children's school and child care.
440 Ferry St. SE. Salem, wholhlth@aol.com.
w w w sacredsouls org . ) ( 1 1 /02)
W y'east Unitarian Universalist Congregation
Integrity is a group of G L B T Episcopalians and
is an open and liberal religious com m unity offenng mter-
fnends V an ou s locations throughout O regon.
generational se rvice s and religious education for chil
(Bruce Mason. Regional Director 503-286-9111 or
brucepdxor@attbi com. www mtegntyusa org.) (11/02)
dren It w elcom es gay. lesbian, bi and trans m em bers.
N urtures spintual grow th and prom otes living by
Interfaith Spiritual Cantor. Spintual directors from
Unitarian U niversalist principles. (4 pm Sunday.
vanous world religious traditions are available for guidance.
3915 S E Steele St-. 503-777-3704
Metro: Youth
Flavors, a program of M ultiQ ueer and Brother to
Brother, is a social support group for sexual minority
youth of color 24 and younger M e e ts every other
Sunday for food and socializing. Regular events and
Interstate Firehouse
Cultural Center
presents work from
the Arts for New
Immigrants program
through Aug. 30
K.
activities. (D es 503-228-3892 or des@lmfamily.org.
Stephan 503-417-7991 or hey_stephan@hotmail.com.)
( 11 / 02 )
Gay, Lasbian and Straight Education
Network (GLSEN ) fights to end anti-gay bias in
The
K-12 schools. (12700 S W North Dakota St.. Suite 180.
4129. Tigard. O R 97223. 503-525-1177.
glsen@glsenoregon org www glsenoregon org.)
( 11 / 02 )
MultiQueer. a program of Love M a ke s a Family, pro
vides advocacy to sexual m inonty youth. O ffers
resources and support in the com m unity and the school
system s, with a focus on support for youth of color.
(D es 503 228-3892 des@lmfam,/y org.)(U /02)
M U M
Outside In operates a clinic for anyone w ho can't
ft
B
M
l
>
i
qualify for the O regon Health Plan a s well a s needle
-M
exchange services that include those who inject hor
m ones C an provide transitional housing for youth 20
- •
Girl needs to get it; boys need to get a grip
D ear M s . B ehavior :
Waveriy Heights Church CUCC) is open and
(10 am Sunday 3300 S E Woodward St 503-238-1337.
www.wavedyucc.org.) (11 /02)
group. (5 pm. Bridgeport Community Church. 621 N E
Lust and tension
and younger a s well a s for those H IV + and younger than
23. A lso plays host to V O IC E S (Voices of Indn/idual
and Com m unity Empowerment from the Streets), a self-
support group for queer youth. N e e ds volunteers of all
ages. (10 am-6 pm Monday-Fnday. 1132 S W 13th Ave.
503-5353801 www.outsidein.org.) (11/02)
Vanguard Youth Services, a program of C a sca d e
Behavioral HealthCare. offers support and recreation to
gay. lesbian, bi and trans kids 23 and younger. Program s
include: Clackam as County Saxuai Minority
Youth Connection (C O S M Y Q provides opportuni
ties for queer and questioning kids to get together for
free, fun and supportive social activities A lso one-on-one
support and referrals to Clackam as County service
providers. (503969-0060 cosmycyouth@yahoo.com.)
Expression is a free art/expressnn support group m
During the eight years
of a committed lesbian re
lationship, I socialized
mostly with men, as I didn’t
trust myself to get too close
to women. (I never cheat
ed; I avoided temptation
like the plague.)
Now that I am single,
I guiltlessly enjoy the
lovely company of
women. The problem is
I’ve become sexually attracted to these
fine, straight friends. Add to it the
hormones of a 30-something and a
year without lovemaking, and I come
precipitously close to losing my mind.
I’d love to add a physical compo
nent to our enjoyment of each other,
but I’m not looking for a girlfriend. I
don’t want to trade my friendships for
one passionate evening, perhaps fol
lowed by the other party considering
herself a girlfriend, having to break up
with her, then having to wait the
requisite time to become friends again,
if even allowed. (This is on the pre
sumption that they would convenient
ly become bi-curious in my presence.)
How can 1 find out if they might be
amenable to a passionate expression of
my affection for them without causing
offense or coming off as a presumptu
ous, sex-crazed hussy or louse? (Yes, 1
have a vibrator, but it knows nothing
of caresses, affection or fondness.)
Should 1 just keep life simple (and
dull!!) and stick to men and dead-end
flirtations? Can you save me from
going over the edge, or would a shove
be in order?
P.S. Do you really look like your
picture (an attractive female with an
up-do), or are you one of those men
who is able to look more feminine
than a natural-bom woman?
— Perpetually Frustrated,
Loca with Lust
G resham for queer youth. Hang out and have fun every
Friday1 (Jonathan 503-872-9664. ext 28.) Pride
Project brings together W ashington County queer and
questioning youth to plan and attend monthly social
events A lso information, referral and advocacy services
m W ashington County. (Molly 503-260-5792
i <<.
molly@pndeproiect o ig .)S a n u A Minority Youth
Recreation Canter (S M Y R Q offers drop-in com put
er access, pool tables and an nform al place to hang out.
W eekly youth support groups includes Trans Youth
G roup and Personal Deity Proxy (a creative group).
classes and retreats (Second Floor. 3910 S E 11th Ave
503233-2026. ext 3 www mterfaithspintualcenter.com.)
( 11 / 02 )
www. wyeast.pnwd. uua. org.) (11/02)
Zion United Church of Christ, an open and
affirm ing congregation, is open to gay. lesbian, bi. trans
(4-8 pm Monday and Wednesday. 4 pm-mdnight Friday
. and Saturday 2100 S E Belmont St 503-8729664 TTY
503-231 9286 w w w sm yrcorg) Youth HfV/STD
Prevention P roject provides fun and educational pro
Matanoia Poaco Community United Methodist
Church is a "h o u se church," bnngm g gay and straight
and heterosexual people w ho w ish to w orship m a
gram s along with counsekng and testxig to queer youth
Christ-centered, warm, caring, m ultiage/race/cultural
in a friendy, relaxed environment. (503-8729664 )
together (Daily prayer 7 2 0 am. Sunday gathenng
faith com m unity (11 am Sunday 2025 N E 23rd Ave..
( 11 / 02 )
5 pm. 2116 N E 18th Ave 503-281-3697
www tearsoup.com/metanoia) (U / 02)
Gresham 503 665 8741.) (11/02)
Metropolitan Community Church of Portland
holds ecum enical Su n day m orning w orsN p se rvice s at
9 and 11 am Su n day school for children is held during
the 11 am w orsN p service. (2400 N E Broadway
W ashington Spirituality
Washington: Youth
Triple Point offers education, support and advocacy
Abundant Life Center. A N ew Thought Com m unity
to gay. lesbian, bi. trans and questioning youth m
for spintual aw akening, transform ing lives through love
A safe place w here children learn to em body spintual
Vancouver. W ash M e e ts 6-8 pm Tuesdays in the base
ment of Youth H ouse. 1112 Colum bia St. in Vancouver
Portland Center for Spiritual Growth invites
principles (10 am Sunday 10009 N E Ninth A v e .
(John 360-695-1325 ) (11 /02)
you to celebrate your spirituality with the R e v s C a se y
Vancouver 360-573-2626) (11/02)
50 32 81 8868 mfo@mccpot1land. com.) (11 /02)
and Berdetl M offett C haney Liberal, practical; all are
welcom e. (1 0 3 0 am Sunday 4828 N E 33rd A ve
503 481 7591 . M il /02)
Portland Church of Religious Science is a liber
al. open, progre ssive N ew Thought com m unity w elcom
mg everyone to discover the spint within C h an ge your
thinking, change your life' (10 am Sunday meditation.
10 30 am service and /umor church. 6 3 0 pm
W ednesday prayer circle 3983 N E 112th Ave
503 261-0677.)(U / 0 2 )
Portland Radical Faeries meet twice a m onth with
potlucks and circles at the full m oon and the new
m oon O pen to a l men se ekin g alternative spintual
East Vancouver United Methodist Church.
Reconciling, w elcom ing (10 am Sunday
5701 MacArthur Bfvd 360-693 4761
ourclarkcounty Colum bian com/273/.) (11 /02)
First Congregational Church, United Church
of Christ. Two Su n day services, traditional and "le ss
Willamette Valley: Youth
Gey, Lesbian, Bi, Trsnsgandar end
Questioning Youth Group for age s 13 to 18 offers
support, inform ation and fun m Eugene Free, confiden
tial. adult facilitated (Drop in 4 6 pm Friday Amazon
traditionar in an open and affirming congregation
Community Center. 2700 hMyard St. 5 4 1 -684-3466 )
(1220 N E 68th St . Vancouver 360-693 1476
vanucc@aol co m ) (11 /02)
( 11 / 02 )
G od's Holy Territory. A spint filled w o rsh p expen
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trsnsgandar Youth
Group for age s 25 and younger m eets every M onday
ence seeking G o d for holiness and w holeness For
in Eugene (5 pm Kom ona Center. 1414 Kincaid St
gay. lesbian, bi. trans and straight Everyone w elcom e1
541 3 4 6 1 1 3 4 ) (11/02)
D ear P erpetually F rustrated ,
L oca w ith L ust :
You haven’t mentioned how many
of your straight friends you’d like to
fondle, although your use of the plural
pronoun “they” implies more than one.
So, is it two out of six? Three out of
four? Ms. Behavior recommends you
choose carefully and don’t sully them
all. Having your way with all your
friends might create discord in your
social circle and prompt otherwise
courteous people to call you names—
like “opportunistic slut”— even if only
out of jealousy or insecurity.
As you already know, straight girLs
do sometimes fall for lesbians, even
when lesbians go to great lengths to
clarify their nonromantic intentions.
The last person with whom a straight
woman has been intimate is most likely
a straight man. This is hardly fair com
petition for lesbians, who are far more
practiced than straight men in both
emotional expression and cunnilingus.
Your “passionate expression of
affection” might easily be confused
with love; plus, lesbians exude
pheromones that reduce inhibitions in
heterosexual women. As
a result, grateful straight
women often become les
bian cling-ons, failing to
accept that with the
social and economic
advantages of heterosexu
ality they’re also assigned
somewhat mediocre sex.
Instead of risking your
straight-girl friendships,
why not find a fun, sex
positive lesbian (or sever
al) with whom to enjoy erotic pleasure?
Despite the rumor about lesbians and
their U-Hauls, Ms. Behavior gets truck
loads of letters from dykes who long for
passionate sex without commitment
but never meet like-minded women.
Should Ms. Behavior start a fuck-
buddy dating service for lesbians?
P.S. Ms. Behavior has always been
female but does not dress formally every
day. The up-do was the creation of a
homosexual stylist who was obsessed
with Holly-Go-Lightly; Ms. Behavior is
rarely tempted to reconstruct it.
D ear M s . B ehavior :
My boyfriend and 1 fight every
time someone asks us how long we’ve
been together. I say it’s 14 years, and
he says it’s 10.
We broke up for two years (mostly
my idea) early in our relationship. Brad
not only refuses to count our separa
tion, he also won’t count the two years
before the breakup (because he says our
relationship wasn’t “strong” back then).
1 think it all counts. He’s my soul
mate, and, once we met, 1 never
stopped loving him, even when we
were apart.
He still gets angry when we discuss
it, probably because I slept with seven
or eight men during our separation.
(He didn’t have sex with anyone.)
We’ve agreed to let you settle it so
we don’t continue to fight about it.
How long should we say we’ve been
together?
— Brad’s Boyfriend
D ear B rad ’ s B oyfriend :
Ten years.
Ms. Behavior uses this simple for
mula for all breakup questions, even If
the couple eventually get back
together:
The one who is left behind gets to
keep the furniture. The one who is
left behind gets to suffer and act
offended three times longer than the
partner who left. This includes crying
in the supermarket for no apparent
reason for a period of six months for
each year the couple were together.
The one who is left behind gets
to decide when things started or
ended. j n
© Meryl Cohn 2002
MERYL C ohn is the author of Do What
I Say: Ms. Behavior’s Guide to Gay
and Lesbian Etiquette (Houghton
Mifflin). Her Internet site is
www.msbehavior.com. Send questions or
correspondence to msbehavtorQaol. com.