Just out., December 07, 2001, Page 37, Image 37

A mother's story
503-236-5005
got the coming-out letter on a
But Werts spoke to the dentist and office
manager, and on her next visit the hygienist
¥ j f t m Monday *n 1994, and we were at a
» § |LV PFLAG meeting by Wednesday,”
kept her mouth shut. “T hat was a big leap into
m m reveals fast-acting mom Linda
education and outreach and the only time I’ve
Werts, whose son, Joel Corcoran, is now a
ever had to get irate,” she says.
board member of Basic Rights Oregon.
Now, W erts keeps busy running the
Still, she admits some confusion and ner­
PFLAG lending library and making herself
vousness at first. “I
available at each
had a cigarette in
m eeting to talk to
each hand,” she
newcomers. “I think
recalls with a laugh.
about th e people who
Her first meeting
were there for me, the
was a revelation. “1
ones who had told
was stunned that
their stories 100 times
everyone Lxiked so
and told it once more
normal. I was dis­
for m e.”
mayed that every­
S he’s noticed that
one was laughing
kids are coming out at
and having a good
a much younger age
time. N ot only that,
now and th at the
they didn’t mind if I
group doesn’t seem to
went outside and
be needed as often to
had a cry."
give educational talks.
But Werts learned
“Things have gotten
she wasn’t alone. “I
so much more open
could see we’d he all
with Will & Grace
right and we’d get
and so on that there
through this.” In fact, PFLA G mom extraordinaire Linda W erts is also isn’t as much demand.
in charge of the group’s extensive lending library We used to go to
at that first meeting
Werts admits she already started scouting attrac­
[Oregon H ealth Sciences University] and talk
tive young men for her son to date!
to med students, but now they have their
“O nce N o on 13 was over, it got easier,” she
own gay and lesbian employee association,”
says, referring to the divisive 1994 ballot mea­
W erts says.
sure campaign. “But it was about a year before I
And, yes, one of her favorite activities is
felt comfortable enough to talk to people out­
marching in the Pride parade. “Every year
side family and PFLAG.”
wh ?n we get that first round of applause we all
W e often forget our families go through
cry because we see hundreds of faces, and I
their own com ing-out process, too. W erts
always wonder: ‘W here’s your mom? 1 hope
remembers th e first person she told about
she’s marching in a parade somewhere.’ ”
her son was her dental hygienist.
Werts also makes the point that she’d love
The woman had been making some homo-
to see every gay person in the area come to a
phobic remarks, so the avenging mom says: “I hit
PFLAG meeting at least once a year. Besides,
her to get her attention, and then I told her. She
she’s still seeking Mr. Right for her son!
looked at me like I was dog shit on her shoe.”
— Oriana Green
A coming-out story
ris Fain is a lesbian who found exactly
what she needed at PFLAG. “I was raised
in the C hurch of Christ, a Southern Bap­
tist C hurch, all my life. My sexual identity
was suppressed because God didn’t like gay
people. Same-sex behavior was ‘outside of
G od,’ " Fain begins.
Her cheeks flush as she holds back tears.
T he pain of her coming out is still fresh.
“1 had had crushes on friends, but I never
acted on them ,” Fain sighs. “1 even got mar­
ried. I had two children. T hen I met someone
worth coming out for."
Fain, 33, notes she always had been close to
her mother. “I thought we could talk about
anything.”
Still, it was hard to come out to her. “I vir­
tually came out of the closet. I sent Mom an
e-mail. I told her I had something im portant to
tell her.”
But her mom responded, explaining she had
something important to say, too. “Mom typed,
T got permanent makeup done!’ ’’ Fain
responded, “I’m gay.”
Fain’s mother went on to ask: “How could
you do that to me? How could you do this to
your children?”
T hen came the religious ammunition. “G od
didn’t make you that way!"
These assaults were followed by a volley of
biblical verses. “Mom must have had some idea
C
th at l was gay, because she was so prepared to
do battle. A nd 1 couldn’t defend.”
Before she signed off, Fain told her mom,
“I’ll be here in Oregon waiting for you.” A nd
th a t’s the last time she heard from her mother
and the last time her kids, ages 2 and 4, heard
from their grandmother.
‘They had an extremely ckse relationship with
their grandmother before. My partner said, W el­
come to the biggest minority you will ever be in.’ ”
Fain needed help to shoulder the pain of
rejection. She wanted to find a support group
of women with small children.
“I needed a niche,” she recalls. “I needed
family. I had lost my family, and I had lost
every friend I ever had."
Nine months ago, she went to a PFLAG
meeting. “I got a fabulous reception,” she recalls.
It turned out to be the organization’s annual
business meeting, but it worked for Fain. “It
blew me over. T he acceptance. T he support."
Now a board member, Fain helps promote
the group. “I work to market the organization
to people who need it,” she says.
— Heron
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