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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 7, 2001)
17 i started going to gay AA ere come the holidays. For some Still, she considers herself “in recovery.’ She meetings regularly in the says, “I still work the 12 steps every day.” people, they conjure up visions summer of 1987. “It of sugarplums. But others greet made all the difference in the holidays with dread and turn ogers asserts alcohol and drug abuse spirals out the world. Today I can be J L * to alcohol to help get them of control during the holidays for several rea at straight A A meetings sons. “First, it’s hard for everyone to go back to through the season. and he OK,” she says. This month can be especially tough on the their homes of origin. It’s especially hard for those “But before I found gay of us who are not fully accepted for who we are,” he sexual minorities community, which already is The Christmas season can be especially difficult meetings I was too susceptible to drinking problems. Plenty of people says. “Society tells us that drinking is OK during postpone coming out by keeping themselves anes uncomfortable to con the holidays. Holidays mean going home. And for for recovering alcoholics by H eron thetized with booze, then survive their minority many of us, going home for the holidays means centrate on the drinking issue. It’s all supposed to going hack to our original pain.” status by numbing their psyches. And for far too he about getting [sober], many, once the drinking-to-cope pattern is estab This can be hell for some sexual minorities. lished, it spirals out of control. know 1 was a lesbian [as a teen-ager]. I tried to fit but still I had to get past that gay thing. It was a “Like everyone else,” Rogers says, “we want the perfect family. Maybe this time we will all love Larry Rogers is a counselor serving alcohol- and in, and alcohol really helped. I know I would not great comfort to be around other gays.” What do the holidays have to do with alco each other. But the old patterns continue until drug-abusing sexual minorities. He is also a gay have done the things I did with boys if I hadn’t we learn to change them.” man who is in recovery for chemical dependency. been drinking. [While drinking] I had no ability holism? “Everything and noth ing. An alcoholic is going to He feels certain that “being alone with a to say no to dates. Alcohol seemed like a very "Like everyone eke, ^ he|ps r « ? le chane,e drink for nothing, because the secret” is a strong factor causing so many sexual I ' f f ,i these patterns but says, It important part of socializing.” minorities drink to excess. Rogers sees many con day of the week ends in y,” we wont the perfect family, takes «me." Mary came out during her first year at college. flicts similar to the ones he endured in his gay “At 17 I kissed a woman,” she recalls. “We both Mary quips. Maybe this time we will community TKanb to the efforts of members of the clients. But she points out: had to drink a bottle of Wild Irish Rose in order to “A lot of gay peo get the courage to kiss. “Alcohol is part of the holi past, help is available espe all love each other. ple are drinking I still remember the days, and there is more for cially for gay men and les esources But the old patterns because they are ‘aha’ that came over giveness for people to drink bians who want to free denying who they themselves from alcoholism. me—oh, that feeling at social and family gather Counselors continue until we learn are. They think it’s Rogers encourages people to that came over me!” ings. [Alcoholics] say that • Larry Rogers: 503-781-6542. get help sooner rather than • Ann Beattie and Lori Whitaker: Mary points out New Year’s is when the am a not OK to be gay, les to change them. bian, trans and so that part of the con teurs drink. Holidays have later. 503-281-3318. It takes tim e." forth. Like me, they nection between alco special significance for gays • Melissa Grossm an: 503-788-7997. “You don’t have to wait don’t realize they are holism and homosex because so many of us are — Larry Rogers until v°u hit bottom ... walking around with G et help while you still evicted from our families. uality is historical. Meetings • Live and Let Live Club: Holds 12-step that much shame.” “Twenty-five years Everyone else goes home for the holidays.” have a life and you still have resources.” J H meetings and social activities for the lesbian Rogers was raised For a long time, Mary felt unwelcome in her ago, we socialized in and gay recovery community. For more inform Catholic. “The church The L ive and L et L ive C lub holds a 21st bars. There wasn’t any family of origin. “When I got sober, I found I had ation call 503-238-6091. Lesbian Garden Club. said I would go to hell a cool family. I had blinders on when I drank. I Anniversary Party featuring a speakers panel, There were seedy lit was self-centered. I knew everything. Drinking potluck dinner and dance music from 6 p.m. to for even thinking of • Lunch Bunch: Plays host to Alcoholics tle bars on the other was how I rejected them. It took a few years for midnight Dec. 15 at Helensview High School, [having sex with men]. Anonymous meetings for gay men and lesbians 8678 N.E. Sumner St. For more information call me to realize they didn’t hate me. They even side of the tracks. So, And even in the at noon daily and 1 p.m. Sundays at Metropoli 503-238-6091. all your friends came to our wedding 10 years ago.” schoolyard, I knew it tan Community Church of Portland, Mary is now 43. She will celebrate 13 years wasn’t safe. So I shut 2400 N.E. Broadway. ... ..... drank.” H eron is a Portland artist and free-lance uriter. Although so much of sobriety in January. down my feelings and shut down who I was has changed— espe until I started drinking in high school. When 1 was cially in cities like Portland with its significant sexual minorities community— alcohol remains a drinking, 1 could put away my fears and guilt.” About 10 years ago, Rogers realized he was central part of the gay experience. Even today, drinking and using drugs too much. “1 got arrest people still flock to establishments that survive by selling alcohol. “So, where do you go to find other ed for drunk driving and knew things had to gay people ?’’ Mary asks. change. That was in 1985,” he recalls. She went to her first Alcoholics Anonymous He put himself into outpatient therapy at St. meeting in 1983. “ It was awful. There were all Vincent’s. “It was magical,” he says, “coming out these old men smoking,” she recalls. “That was of that drug and alcohol haze. It changed my life.” not for me.” But the seed was planted. “Over the next ary started drinking when she was 15. IV I . (Alcoholics Anonymous traditionally four years, I spent a lot of energy thinking about my drinking. It’s just like worrying about being asks the media to use first names only.) She says gay,” she laughs. “Straight people don’t spend a it didn’t have anything to do with her sexuality lot of time worrying about being gay, and people at first. “I would still he an alcoholic if I wasn’t a who are not alcoholics don’t worry about being lesbian,” she asserts. The Live and Let Live Club reaches out to the lesbian and gay recovery community through" drunks. Just the same, it was a long process.” Still, she finds a connection between her 12-step meetings and social activities That process took a positive turn when Mary alcoholism and her sexuality. “I didn’t even | D rowning in H oliday S pirits R R PHOTO BY MARTY DAVIS X
