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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 7, 2001)
his mother married another Nazarene pastor. His family and his church were vigilant in keeping Sand- strom from being exposed to cormpting influences. He was n’t allowed to dance or go to movies. But a piece of literature the church itself put into his hands started him on the path that led him to leave the denomination and embrace his gayness. By the time he was in high school Sandstrom was experi encing unmistakable attrac tions for other men. He did everything he could not to let his parents and his church down. He was popular, he had lots of friends, he dated girls, he was involved in student govern ment. But those gay feelings wouldn’t go away. He fully accepted his church’s teachings that those feelings were evil and that he had to struggle against them. But then the Moral Majority began its crusade against homosexuals and abortionists. A chapter was formed in his church, and the organization’s newsletter routinely was Verlin Byers learned to take God out of the box he had put included in the Sunday order Him in of service. Verlin Byers came to that recognition in a Now Sandstrom was reading every week particularly poignant way that actually didn’t that gay men and lesbians were the enemy. He involve his gayness. was urged to join the war against “them.” But While he was in Brazil working with the he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was one Mennonites, a particularly bad drought struck of “them.” And yet he was not evil, he was not the region where he was stationed. There was the enemy of God, he had no desire to bring widespread suffering. People were starving. about the collapse of western civilization. It Families split up as men left the area to seek would take him many more years before he work in the larger cities. Many people turned could come out and fully accept who he was, to God for comfort, and the church offered but those Moral Majority newsletters sowed the them relief, both spiritual and, when possible, first doubts that the church and its allies were material. the sole possessors of the truth. But this was in Brazil, and most of the faith That seems to he the crucial issue, especial ful were Catholics. Byers was still a member of ly for people who grow up immersed in an all- a denomination that regards Catholicism as encompassing church community— recognizing idolatrous and heretical. Yet he could see the that the church might not have a comer on community’s faith in action, how deep and the truth. A dvice how genuine it was. | acceptance as evidence that change from with- “1 could no longer believe in a God who i in is possible. would damn them to hell for not believing in the right way,” he says. The experience “took ome gay men and lesbians find homes in God out of the box I had put Him in. My view newer denominations that have sprung of Him was totally obliterated and trans up to serve their spiritual needs. Metro politan Community Church has served the gay formed.” and lesbian community nationwide for many Obviously something like that is what has years and has congregations in Portland, Salem to happen to people who are immersed in and Vancouver, Wash. homophobic churches but who discover they Another alternative is the Portland Center are gay or lesbian. Once they get over trying to for Spiritual Growth, formerly the God Con change themselves to conform to their religion, nection, led by the Revs. Casey and Berdell they must find a way to change their religion Moffett-Chaney, a lesbian couple. Casey Mof- to conform to who they are. fett-Chaney describes it as a New Thought Many people come to recognize a difference church with a congregation that is about 75 between religion and spirituality. Duffy puts it percent gay and lesbian. this way: “Religion is how you practice your There are many options. The pain that spirituality.” Realizing the difference, people accompanies coming out into a homophobic can remain true to their spiritual nature while church is real and powerful. But many people searching for a religious practice that affirms them. Some find reli gious homes in differ ent denominations. Byers is a member of a United Church of Christ congregation as well as a partici pant in the Anawim Community. S ome remain engaged with their original churches hut work for change from within. Steve Martino is chair of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church’s Gay and Les bian Outreach Commission. He is an openly gay man who has been living with his partner for two years. He is also an ordained priest, although he is on an extended leave of absence from his archdiocese. He is used to people registering surprise when he comes out as a priest and when he notes that the commission is more than a social club for gay and lesbian Catholics. It cel ebrates a Mass for its members and friends every Friday evening. He says it’s a mistake to equate the church with the Vatican. Certainly the governing bureaucracy is very powerful and very conserv ative, but it is not the church. He takes the commissions continued existence and growing S Steve Martino is chair of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church's Gay and Lesbian Outreach Commission. He is an openly gay man who has been living with his partner for two years. who have experienced that pain have come to see it as a source of strength and insight. The deeply personal dramas this pain drives can become tragedies if people allow them selves to be beaten down, if they attempt to be whole by amputating part of their being. Hap pily, an increasing number of organizations and counselors can help those who need to find new ways of being. And just as happily, individuals who have walked'these sometimes tortured paths are willing to share their stories. We all owe them our thanks. in ANDY S imon is a Portland free-lance writer and teacher. H e and his partner are members o f W y'east U nitarian Universalist Congregation. for the conflicted ole Rhodes of the Interfaith Spiritual Center has offered guidance to many people who find themselves caught between inner feelings of same-sex attraction and outer religious teachings condemning homosexuality. He offers advice for people who are conflicted: D O Find your own source of truth. Trust your own intuitions. © D on’t assume that going to just any clergy member is safe. © Talk with someone who is both spiritual and openly gay or lesbian. The first suggestion is undoubtedly the hardest for those who are caught up in conservative religious denominations, which typically claim to have access to the only truth. Many such groups actively demonize anything that contradicts their teachings. But all of the clergy I spoke with emphasized the need to listen to the inner voice. The Rev. Casey Moffett-Chaney of the Portland Center for Spiritual Growth says: “ God communicates through our hearts, not through our minds. God wants us to be happy. If your religion is making you miserable, you have to find anoth er religion.” Steve Martino of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church’s Gay and Lesbian Outreach Commission says: “ You must listen to your prayer life. What is God telling you? The ultimate deci sion about what is or isn’t sinful is not church teachings or Scripture. It’s ultimately up to you, your conscience and God.” Item two is important because even though clergy members might have a genuine desire to help, their view might be dis torted by the teachings of their denomination. The third item on the list is also crucially important, because a sense of isolation easily can lead to despair. Finding spiritual people within the gay and lesbian community is not hard nowadays, Rhodes notes. Ju st O ut lists 3 9 spiritually ori ented groups in its Outreach section; all of these organizations have requested a listing in the paper, so a hearty welcome is ensured. Also, gay men and lesbians from all sorts of religious denominations, homophobic and not so homophobic, have formed groups for mutual support. Affirmation (www.affirma- tion.org) serves the Mormon community; Integrity (www.integrityusa.org) serves Episcopalians; and Dignity (www.dignityusa.org) serves Catholics. Rhodes recommends these books: • ReCreations: Religion and Spirituality in the Lives of Queer People (Edited by Catherine Lake; Queer Press, 1999). • Coming Out Spiritually: The Next Step (by Christian de la Huerta; Tarcher/Penguin, 1999). • Wrestling with the Angel: Faith and Religion in the Lives of Qay Men (Edited by Brian Bouldry; Riverhead Books, 1995). Rhodes also recommends some Internet sites: • Queer Spirituality: www.qspirit.org. • Portland Community of Welcoming Congregations: 3dwave.com/~patricko. • Interfaith Spiritual Center: www.spiritone.com/~isc.
