January 5.2001
S i l ÜJI4£
i*
MOST SINCERE SAME-SEX
RELATIONSHIP INVOLVING LEATHER
Cast Away Tom Hanks developed more
chemistry with his volleyball island buddy,
Wilson, than Academy Award winners Nicolas
Cage and Angelina Jolie managed to muster
throughout Gone in 60 Seconds. (C ’mon, admit
it: You were bawling when Hanks and Wilson
were forced to part ways at sea!)
MOST RELIEVARLE GENDER RENDERS
Michelle Rodriguez kicked ass in Girlfight,
and Jamie Bell kicked up his heels in Billy
Elliot — both Oscar-worthy performances.
WHERE ARE THE QUEERS?
Center Stage—a decent Fame rip-off—forgot
to include more than one gay character among
its dance students. Yeah, right. This was the
most unrealistic crew assembled since Suddenly
Susan, which expected us to believe that
Brooke Shields would write for a “hip” San
Francisco magazine without a single co-worker
who was out of the closet.
K LS¥I
Groovy movios and flimsy flicks
With film award season in full swing, Ju st Out presents
alternative statues to 2000’s cinematic blasts and bombs
by
STRAIGHT
RELATIONSHIPS
THAT WOULD
MAKE ANYONE
GLAD TO RE GAY
The Virgin Sui
cides and Dancer in
the Dark.
HERE WE GO AGAIN
For some reason, the words “fag” and
“dyke” returned to the big screen— not said
affectionately among queers but uttered as
slurs by straight characters— and nobody
seemed to notice. In Bring It On, cheerleaders
were called nasty names throughout. In Final
Destination, a frustrated friend mouthed “fag”
after Devon Sawa relinquished his airplane
seat to a female student. And The 6th Day
deserves an award-within-an-award for the
year’s most groan-inducing one-liner: After
villain Tony Goldwyn and his clone fell on
top of each other, Arnold Schwarzenegger
quipped, “When I
told you to go fuck
yourself, 1 didn’t
mean for you to take
it literally.”
MOST GRAPHIC
DISPLAY OF
Alan Tudyk
GENITALIA
IN A MAINSTREAM MOVIE
In Scary Movie, one
character got impaled
by a boner during an
unfortunate glory
hole mishap, and a
transgendered P.E.
teacher let it ALL
hang out.
REST DOCUMENTARY AROUT
A GAUDY, SHIT-EATING DIVA
Divine Trash brought audi
ences behind the scenes of John
Waters’ 1972 cult classic Pink
Flamingos.
WORST DOCUMENTARY AROUT
A GOODY, SNITFACED DIVA
Through the magic of revi
sionism, The Eyes of Tammy Faye tried to
transform the pill-popping fallen televange
list into a gay icon. Whose idea was this?
MOST ENTERTAINING FILMS EXPLAINING
WHAT MAKES STRAIGHT GUYS TICK
Fligh Fidelity and The Too of Steve.
J im R adosta
TITLES WITH
GREATEST GAY
PORN POTENTIAL
Battlefield Girth,
Missionary:
Impossible 2,
The Legend of
Teabagger Vance.
TAKE A SITE OUT
OF CRIME
Perennial coke
Two snaps and a circle for queer Q B Kip Pardue
head Robert
Downey Jr. engaged in some extremely high-
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS IN A
risk behavior on the set of Black and White.
JERRY BRUCKHEIMER FLICK?
The
method actor (playing a gay man)
Remember the Titans, set in 1971,
improvised a scene in which his character
featured an unlikely hut nonetheless
flirted with homophobic heavyweight Mike
welcome gay quarterback nick
Tyson
(playing himself) and nearly got him
named Sunshine.
self punched out as a result. Too bad Tyson
didn’t think to bite off Downey’s nose.
DENIAL, DENIAL, DENIAL
What was up with Kenneth
REST SODOMY SCENE
Branagh and Kevin Kline in The
In Nutty Professor II: The Klumps, a gigantic
Road to El Dorado ? Even
gerbil
made scientist Larry Miller his bitch.
though it was just a
People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
cartoon, one
praised the filmmakers for finally giving lab rats
couldn’t help
but notice a
equal time. j n
strange subtext
between these
animated
fellows.
MOST OFFENSIVE
STEREOTYPE
Alan Tudyk
flamed out in Sandra
Bullock’s recovery
dramedy 28 Days. Say
it with me now: “My
name is Alan, and I’m
a bad actor.”
Divine Trash (above),
divine inspiration (right)
of prostate stimulation thanks to a fine-fingered
nurse in Road Trip.
IF YOU CAN'T STAND
THE HEAT, GET OUT
THE KITSCH
It was a bummer of a
summer for Psycho Beach
Party, which struggled to
hide a lame premise— split-
personality disorder causes Gidget wannabe
to kill people— behind endless failed
attempts at camp.
MOST
EFFECTIVE
MJU S T SAY N O "
MESSAGE
In Requiem for a Dream, drug addict Jen
nifer Connelly sank so low she ended up
putting on a lesbian fantasy show involving a
two-headed dildo to make a quick buck.
Where’s Nancy Reagan wheti you need her?
BEST NONALIEN ANAL PROBE
Seann William Scott discovered the magic
The Jefferson Theater
The Northwest's Premier Adult TheaterI
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Seann
William
Scott