» dflcfltnhflf 1. 2000
24
Thoughts
on overcoming
holiday blahs
The lucky ones among us really
do get the Hallmark Holiday
Experience. But for the rest of us,
this time of year can m ean dashed
hopes, tarnished fantasies and even
descent into a winter of depression.
So for the glum among us we offer
som e expert advice on coping with
the challenges of the season.
A psychologist talks us down off
the emotional roller coaster ride
by
M arilyn J . S oren sen , P h .D .
he holidays can be an exciting, fun
time but stressful just the same. For
some, however, these coming
weeks present a time of tremen
dous pressure and conflicting emotions.
For example, consider Marta, who has sad
memories o f childhood holidays in which
her father was usually drunk and abusive.
For her, the holidays conjure up negative
emotions o f disappointment and unpleasant
scenes.
Or consider Jeff, whose family never has
accepted his homosexuality. During this time
when family traditions are touted, he will
not travel to be with his parents and
siblings, although his mother will pressure
him to do so.
Two major scenarios seem to depict people’s
attitudes about the holidays:
First are those who have happy
memories, self-confidence and
a healthy view of themselves
as a result of stable and sup
portive environments.
They are able to set
appropriate boundaries
concerning their time and
their finances and fully
enjoy the planning, the
preparation and the actual
holiday events as they unfold.
They feel secure in refusing
invitations, sticking to their budgets
and deciding exactly what their holidays
will entail. For them, these weeks might be
stressful, but it is good stress nevertheless, so
the positive feelings and results outweigh the
negative impact.
Second are the people who are conflicted
about their early years, individuals who come
from dysfunctional homes and who have devel-
what they think they have
missed, they try frantically
to manufacture the magical
holiday season that society
proclaims to be possible by
overdecorating, overspend
ing, planning big parties or
oped an insecurity about
meals and totally exhausting
themselves and their
themselves in the process.
right to set their own
Frequently, their need to
boundaries. They often
achieve this fantasy also
have low self-esteem.
involves others as they
O f these people,
commandeer family mem
some hate the holi
bers to fulfill their projects
days and per
and pressure friends and
Marilyn J. Sorensen
ceive them
family to comply with their
as a time when they must bow
wishes. All too often, these individuals feel a
to the expectations of others,
sense o f disappointment and resentment
spending money they don’t
afterward, when they realize that they were
really have, devoting time to
unable to capture the experience they so
something they don’t really
desperately desired and that others seeming
want to do, shopping for
ly failed to acknowledge their elaborate
gifts for people they don’t
efforts in the way they had hoped.
even like and attending func
Low self-esteem forms in childhood, and
tions with people they other
although many adults are not aware of exactly
wise would avoid. Because of
how it happened or even that they have it,
the anxiety and self-doubt that
those who do have it experience a sense of
accompany low self-esteem, they
inadequacy and powerlessness. They feel too
think they have no choices and that they
passive, too fearful to go against the tide of
are not in control but that they instead have
expectations.
to please others and have to go along with the
They feel embarrassed to say they don’t
plans of those around them.
really have the money to participate in a gift
Still others suffer from feelings of inade
exchange, they feel too inadequate to make
quacy and experience a sense of loss from dis
decisions others might not like. They are reluc
appointments and lack of nurturing during
tant to speak up and say what they really feel,
their early years. In an attempt to recapture
what they really want to do or not do, what
If you suffer
from low self-esteem
or feel conflicted
about the holidays,
you can choose
to begin to take control
or your lire now.
l