September 15.2QQQ»
o you’d like to know more about the
grand and glorious world of opera?
Well, sorry, it’s too late for that. With
Portland Operas season starting in just a
scant few weeks, you barely have time to pry
the shrink wrapping off a CD, let alone listen
to it.
But fear not, dear readers, for even if you
have no idea what it is you paid $50 a ticket
for, you can certainly look as if you do; after all,
that’s what really matters, isn’t it? So just fol
low these few, simple steps and you, too, can
become that most supreme of opera aficiona
dos, the Opera Queen.
Fun, Easy Step # 1: Mind your grammar.
The true Opera Queen yells “Bravo” after a
man’s solo, “Brava" after a woman’s solo and
“Bravi” when acknowledging the orchestra or
chorus. Be sure to give withering, disdainful
looks at the uninformed plebeians around you
who don’t know the difference. Incidentally,
the proper time to yell “Bravo” or “Brava” is in
that split second of silence that comes just after
the music has ended and right before the
applause begins. That way everyone in the
auditorium can hear how much cleverer you
are than anyone else.
Also, he certain to pronounce all foreign
words with gusto. For instance: Roll the “r” in
composer Guiseppe Verdi’s name like an out
board motor. (And do remember that the opera
is Otello, not Othello.) W hen in doubt about
pronunciation, simply try placing the accent
where you think it doesn’t belong. So in Otello,
Desdemona is pronounced Des-DAY-mona,
Mimi in La Boheme is Mi-MEE, and Cannen is
Car-MEN. G ot IT?
Fun, Easy Step # 2: Throw your knowl
edge around, even if you don’t actually have
any to throw. For instance, regarding the
to be an Opera Quee
ing the breeches of the men’s chorus to see
who is dressing to the left and who is dressing
to the right.
Fun, Easy Step #4: Gush like a little girl.
Make no mistake— there’s more to being an
Opera Queen than acting like a complete hitch.
What most people don’t understand is the
Opera Queen’s regal disdain is bom out of dis
appointment, for at the very core, we are hop
ing that opera will provide us with a transcen
dent experience, that a sumptuous voice soaring
above a roaring orchestral tide will conspire to
touch our souls and transport us to a higher
level. That is why Opera Queens can always he
depended upon to toss bouquets to the stage.
Through sheer adrenaline, men who couldn’t
ever manage to throw a hall to first base sud
denly become capable of landing a bouquet on
stage from 20 rows hack. Managers of opera
companies discourage the throwing of flowers
onstage, hut it’s a lovely, picturesque custom
that can prove to be highly amusing when a
singer accidentally gets beaned in the head with
a mixed bouquet traveling at 75 mph.
So remember, my fresh new Opera Princess
es, if the operagoing experience touches your
soul, don’t hold hack— weep and gush and
cheer. But if it doesn’t, then by all means, feel
free to hitch like hell. j n
F o u r easy steps for the uninitiated
by
M arc A cito
orchestra: Choose one instrument arbitrari
ly and doggedly insist that it is being played
out of tune, regardless of the truth. Don’t
back down. Conversely, wax rhapsodic over
the beauty of a trifling hit of arcane detail.
(“Did you hear how the strings managed
that augmented minor third with the con
stipated fifth? Masterful!”)
If someone asks you about your favorite
opera, choose the most obscure (me in the
repertory. This season that’s Dialogues o f the
Carmelites, a French opera about nuns dur
ing the French Revolution. Just think The
Sound o f Music meets Les Miserahles. Your
favorite character is anyone who dies.
Since nearly all the characters die in this
opera, you’re pretty safe chcxxsing from any
number of nuns.
Fun, Easy Step #3: Elevate ridicule to
an art form. Dishing the set and costumes
is one of the great joys of operagoing. Late
ly, set designers have shown a fondness for
chairs, suspending dozens of them 50 feet
above the stage while down below the poor
singers have nowhere to sit for three hours.
But even if the set is lavishly appointed, do
resist the temptation to applaud the set
when the curtain rises. It can’t hear you.
As for the costumes, speculating who might
hurst the stays of his or her corset is one way to
keep yourself occupied during the dull hits.
Most opera companies nowadays try to go for
verisimilitude when it comes to casting (which
is a nice way of saying they discriminate
The Portland O pera season opens with
C a r m e n Sept. 23 through 30 at Keller
against fat people), but the words of legendary
soprano Joan Sutherland still hold true— “The
bigger the launch pad, the higher the rocket.”
Big voices tend to come out of big bodies. If
you’d rather not watch a consumptive, tubercu
lar Mimi the size of a fullback, you can always
put your opera glasses to good use by examin
(formerly Civic) Auditorium, 222 S. W. Clay St.
C all the box office at (5 0 3 ) 241-1802 for ticket
information.
Portland writer M a r c ACITO was called
“Seattle Opera's Bad Boy" by Seattle Weekly and
“a master o f portrayal” by the Denver Post for his
eccentric interpretations o f character roles in opera.
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