COMMENTARY
BV M arty D avis
The IN publication for the OUT population
F ounded 1 9 8 3 • J ay B rown
Voi.
1 7 No.
and
R enee L a C hance
1 8 July
2 1 , 2000
FEATURE
STRANGERS IN THE NIGHT: The ins and outs
Mothers, mourning and Mena
Revelations and realizations from the publisher
of public sex
p 21
NEWS
NORTHWEST • Youths turn the table;
OPB breaks a promise; county OKs domestic
partnership registry; AIDS efforts refocused;
anti-OCA campaign launched;
Sister Paula praises Portland
pp 7 - 1 5
NATIONAL • Louisiana Supreme Court upholds
195-year-old sodomy law; New York governor
signs new hate crimes law
p IT
WORLD • Azerbaijan legalizes gay male sex;
pride parade horrifies Vatican
p 18
ENTERTAINMENT
& CULTU RE
F ILM * Three new movies with queer content
pp 3 3 - 3 4
ROOKS • Something for the bi-curious—
his and hers
p 35
A R T . Portland Art Museum wants
to entertain you
P 37
THEATER • The cake man cometh
p 38
M USIC* Katy spins four strong CDs
p 39
spent a week with her; we left for our homes on Saturday, she died on
s I start to write the words for this column, my concen
Monday. As I write this I start to say I was not close to my mother, but
tration is hampered by an incredible and nearly over
that’s not accurate. The truth is that my mother and I together were not
whelming pain in my right arm. I’m sitting here waiting
close. The relationship, or lack thereof, involved both of us, it was not
to hear back from a doctor, I’m wondering if I should
just about me. I am not at fault, 1 am not to blame. Prior to my moth
have someone take me to the emergency room, the pain
er’s death, 1 knew I would not feel deep grief or loss; I was concerned,
is intense to the nearly intolerable level.
however, that I would feel guilt over not feeling the seemingly required
Yet even while using such dramatic words I can remain coolly calm
about th is.... It is, after all, my right arm, not my left, and I know it’s grief and loss. I worried about how this would happen; how great would
be the burden of guilt, what would it feel like, how would I cope, when
not a heart-related condition. As much as I hate to admit it, 1 realize
would it end? Now I realize that
that I’m about to be taken down by
this is not going to happen either.
the physical side effects of major
overload and stress on my emotion Prior io
mother's death, I knew I would not There is no cause for guilt. There is
no burden to bear. 1 understand the
al being. T h e muscles in my neck
feel
deep
g
rie
f
or
loss;
I
was
concerned,
circumstances
of my relationship
and shoulders have simply gone rigid
with my mother. I understand the
and taut, and the effects of this
however,
that
I
would
feel
guilt
over
not
feeling
reality, even while others might
shoot down my arm and into my
not.
It is not for others to judge.
jerking, shaky, gray fingers. Ex
the seemingly required g rie f an d loss.
All mother-daughter relation
cruciating pain caused by the simple
ships are not created equal. There
act of tensing muscles. Wow, there
are as many diverse dynamics and circumstances as there are stars in the
go any and all butch points that I may have accumulated in the last few
sky. My mother was 18 when I was bom. T h a t’s very young to become
months. I’m letting my staff chase down doctors for me as I admit that
a mother, both then and now. I don’t know all the whys of what hap
I’m fighting a losing battle. As much as I want to reason the actuality
pened during those early years of my childhood, but 1 know it was my
o f the situation away, as much as I want to use logic to make the pain
grandmother who loved me, raised me, nurtured me and cherished me
vanish, my body is refusing to cooperate. “Deal with me now,” the
more than any other person ever has. It is her death and her loss that I
sharp, pointed spasms of pain demand.
still
mourn and grieve. More than 35 years have passed since her death,
T h e assault on my tense and tight muscles comes from many fronts.
but I still cannot speak or think of her without tears. Indeed, I did have
Having to accept the failure of a once-promising relationship can be
a close, loving relationship with a mothering figure; but, no, it was not
externally trivialized, but internally the damage is far greater. The feel
with the woman who gave birth to me.
ings of loss and anger, and even those of the more trivial annoyance,
My mother left myself, my brother and sister in death on July 3. In
contribute greatly to my lack of well-being. This was not the way things
life, she left us many, many years earlier.
were supposed to turn out. I’m not where I thought I would be.
I will not close this with an evangelical plea to cherish your moth
T h e death of my mother last week created a set of circumstances
ers while they’re alive. However, I am going to become uncharacteristi
that brought about not the traditional grief and bereavement but
cally wann and fuzzy, albeit just for a moment. For more than 30 years
instead even more anger, intense frustration, legal impotence and near
I’ve had the best-ever of best friends, my friend Mona. W hen you’ve got
arrest in Curry County. The muscles grow tighter— can they actually go
a friend who stays put even as the sheriff drives up, you know you’ve got
so tight as to crack and break? I fear that I’m about to find out.
a friend! Thanks, Mona, for all the help and for always being there.
My mother’s death was expected, yet unexpected. My brother and I
my
DIVERSIONS * Ladies gather; divas dish;
mmmm
Richard bares all
p 41
COLUMNS
MS. BEHAVIOR • Call the dogs off
• The Colorado newspaper Our Front
reported May 31 that the Adolph Coors Co.
joined the ranks of corporations offering
domestic partner benefits to same-sex
couples.
p 31
MY QUEER LIF E * Buy the books!
P 43
• T h e Employment Non-Discrimination
A ct was reintroduced in Congress in June,
with 10 more co-sponsors than when it
was introduced in the previous session.
The legislation sought to prohibit job dis
crimination based on sexual orientation.
Conspicuously absent from the list of sup
porters were Sen. Mark Hatfield and
Reps. Jim Bunn and Wes Cooley.
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• Oui invaded cyberspace. In June, the
magazine launched CXit.com, the first
commercially sponsored queer site on
the Internet.
PUBLISHER AND MANAGING EDITOR • Marty Davis
ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR • Oriana Green
COPY EDITORI • Christopher D. Cuttone,
Andy Mangels, Christopher McQuain, Glenn
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S W F REPORTERS • Katy Davidson,
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• Kent, Wash., was the site for the North
American Gay Amateur A thletic
Association’s C atch the Spirit World Series.
About 4,000 gay and lesbian softball players
were expected to pump more than $4 mil
lion into the local economy.
• Community activist and arts advocate
W illiam R. Jamison Jr. died June 21 of
AIDS-related illnesses. He was 49.
• Portland resident Barry Pack was named
executive director o f Right to Privacy,
an Oregon gay and lesbian political
organization.
• Don Horn’s Triangle Productions was a big
winner at the Drammys on June 19. Falsettos
captured the top two awards for a musical
production.
PRODUCTION MASTER • Kevin Moore
PRODUCTION ASSISTANT • Melissa Sayler
OFFICE M ANAG» • Melissa Sayler
MSnURUTIRN »Jerilyn Adams, Michael
Albright, Kathy Bethel, Jody Boyer,
Jennifer Davidson, Merid Schwartz,
Ruth Traut, Larry Williams