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Seeking to end the isolation and silence, a fledgling group aims to bolster young people
whose lives are impacted by HIV and AIDS by t . k . Mantese
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C h r is t in a S ig w a r t
or nine years, Jim Cox and his former
wife kept a secret from their two chil-
dren.
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Both Sean Cox and his younger
sister, Allison, had been aware of their
fathers homosexuality at a young age— Sean
knew when he was 6, Allison when she was 8.
But the Coxes, who divorced in 1980, did not
tell their kids something they had learned in
1985— that Jim had contracted HIV.
Allison, now 22, says her mother, at Jim’s
request, refrained from telling the
children about their father’s HIV
status. He didn’t want to disclose
the news for fear that his children
would be burdened with yet anoth
er social stigma.
However, Allison says she intu
itively figured out the truth.
That was in 1993. But she didn’t
tell Sean because she felt he would
rather hear it directly from Jim. (A
year and a half later— on Aug. 24,
1994— father confided in son.)
“My brother and I have always
had a pretty close relationship,"
explains Allison, adding that with
holding her realization from Sean
was tough. “(It was] difficult to be
around my family, especially around
my brother, because we had always
been pretty honest with each
other.”
During the time Allison was
harboring the secret, she was strug
gling to learn about HIV by herself.
“1 didn’t know how to find sup
port,” she says. “I needed a parent
to facilitate something from that
point on.”
That didn’t happen; instead, she
iors.
withdrew
from the family and
Sean,
now
23, and Allison
say the secret
developed self-destructive
behav-
damaged the trust they had in their family. Both
say they became disillusioned and distrustful.
But Sean reached a turning point in 1997
during a World AIDS Day event that included a
presentation by Jennifer Jako, a young filmmak
er and A ID S activist.
Jako came on stage and spoke, and showed
an excerpt from her 22-minute documentary
Blood Lines, which is about young people living
with HIV.
Jako, who is living with AIDS, says that
within minutes of her leaving the stage and sit
ting down, Sean came and introduced himself.
"Seeing a young person find strength in her
HIV status inspired me,” says Sean.
The two stayed in touch and in March 1998
began talking about starting some type of youth-
oriented group. Both concluded there was a gap
in the services provided by AID S organizations
in the Portland area— that, relatively speaking,
there was minimal support for young people
affected by HIV and AIDS.
Jako points out that there are food banks and
clothing sources, but there has never been a
structure for social gatherings at which these
youths could safely disclose what was happening
within their families.
About Sean Cox, Jako says: “He comes from
the same place I did. He lived in silence for so
many years."
As a result of their common bond, Sean Cox,
Jako and two others, an HIV-positive young
man and an HIV-positive father of three,
launched For Us Northwest, a nonprofit organi
zation dedicated to providing a safe environ
ment and social support for young people ages 5
to 24 living with or affected by HIV and AIDS.
The group, which received 501 (c)3 tax-
exempt status in December, serves all of Oregon
and southwest Washington.
Sean donates his time in the temporarily
unpaid position of executive director. He says
live four or five years. T he first thing 1 thought
of was death.”
She adds: “I was sad and withdrawn at
school. I didn’t tell anyone.”
Their father called an HIV hot line, she
remembers. O ther than that, the family was on
its own.
Allison Cox says that a student affected by a
more socially acceptable disease would likely
receive support and counseling in school. She
remembers that, although she was an honors
For Us Northwest is the only organization in Oregon dedicated solely to providing
emotional and social support services to young people touched by HIV
For Us Northwest is the only organization in
Oregon— and, along with Rise and Shine of
Seattle, one of two in the Northwest— dedicat
ed solely to providing emotional and social sup
port services to young people touched by HIV.
Jako is one of three members on the board of
directors, which formed in March 1999. The
board will eventually consist of up to 15 mem
bers, including youths. Members are required to
volunteer eight to 12 hours per month, advocate
in the community and help raise funds.
Currently 25 youths, ages 5 to 17, are
involved with For Us Northwest, and they
reflect the nationwide trends in HIV: 40 percent
are female and 50 percent are people of color.
“Some of the kids won’t make it to 17,” Jako
says, adding that some have lived their entire
lives knowing they are HIV-positive.
"I was infected when I was 18,” says Jako,
now 26. At that time I knew nothing about
HIV. 1 never thought it could happen to me. I
had two little sisters. It was pretty intense for
them to know their sister has a life-threatening
disease. For me as a big sister, I always felt I let
them down.”
One of Jakos sisters, who asked that her
name not be published, is 19.
“I was 12. I was just really shocked," she
recalls about the time she learned of her sister’s
serostatus. A couple of weeks earlier, Magic
Johnson had just come out that he was HIV
positive. At first I thought (Jennifer] would only
student, she was severely depressed and would
have benefited from such support.
Robbie Leffler, 16, learned of his father’s
HIV status a decade ago. Until two years ago, he
never talked about it.
“Since For Us Northwest, I’ve been able to
release a lot o f my emotions instead of bottling
them up inside,” he says.
At For Us Northwest social gatherings, Lef-
fler says, “You know you can talk to others and
it won’t go anywhere else.”
Leffler graduated from high school early and
is about to become a full-time college student.
He has applied to serve on the FUN board.
This year, Jako says, “For Us Northwest will
focus on social support for kids as we build our
clinical side.”
T he board is actively recmiting facilitators
and volunteers.
■ F or U s N orthwest ’ s social support group
meets monthly at the M etropolitan Community
Church o f Portland. FU N requires an initial intake
session before one can attend the support group. For
more inform ation, call (503) 291-9747, ext. 2, or
send an e-m ail to ForU slnc@ hotm ail.com .
All donations are tax-deductible and can be sent
to For Us N orthw est, 401 6 S.E. Boise St.,
Upstairs, Portland, OR 97202.
T .K . M antese is a Portland based free-lance
writer and proofreader