32
CINEMA
.............. ▼
P3WDOPERM8
■ 3 I [ I
As bad as It gets
Ignore the rave reviews you may have read elsewhere:
Billy’s Hollywood Screen K iss Is a real stinker
by
From Gild;
haunting love soi
to the emotiona
surprise endinj
this is a night ii
the theater tha1
you'll nevei
forget!
F
SU N G IN ITALIAN WITH TRANSLATIONS
PROJECTED ABOVE STAGE
SEPTEMBER 26, 28, 30 & OCTOBER 3
P o rtla n d C iv ic A u d it o r iu m • 7 :3 0 p m Sharp!
TICKETS NOW ON SALE • CALL TODAY
241-1802 o r 790-ARTS
Tickets fro m $25
G ro u p s o f 10 or M ore SAVE u p to 20 % • C all 2 4 1 -1 4 0 7
w w w .portlancfopera.org
C H A R G E BY P H O N E
The SW WA Gay ft Lesbian Socialites
presents
The 4th Annual
Saturday, Sept. 5th, 11:00 PM - 2:00 A M
Pre-boardin 9 lime at 10:50 Pill at Treat &
Salmon by Salmon St. Spring
Portion o f the p ro c e e d s uiill benefit Lifeforce.
N o h o st b a r
Free H o rs d ’ o v e rv e s
D o o r Prizes
H ot D onee M u sic
fllu / tb « 9 l. ID required.
TICKCTJ
ffo t e /
Ù)
on M U noun I 120 EACH AT
It's M y P leasu re, 3106 M€ 64th St, Portland, OP. 503-280-8080
G o i - Pied, 2544 N€ Broadway, Portland. OP. 503-331-1125
A G e n t le Stre n gth , 2110 Mom St.. Vancouver. UUP. 360-750-5676
or p h o n e M ik e 3 6 0 -7 3 5 -1 9 0 1 or 3 6 0 -9 9 2 -1 0 3 2
W ill O’B ryan
Having Rio and Ju-Ju in one scene would
irst the disclaimer: Reputable reviewers
not have been offensive, just taxing. Having
across the country love Billy’s Hollywood
them return for a second scene, as if someone
Screen Kiss. From the New York Times to
were asking for an encore, was a strained
the Los Angeles Times, “We love Billy!”
attempt to squeeze some humor out of an old
they seem to scream.
joke that had a five-year window— when
With that out of the way, I’m free to write
Reagan was in office— to be funny.
what I think without guilt: I’ve seen more
Despite the rave reviews elsewhere, I know
depth in a urinal.
my distaste for Screen Kiss can’t be completely
The reviews and post-Sundance Film
off-base.
Maybe everyone else believed the
Festival word of mouth had me anticipating
publicity materials that liken it to light-hearted
this movie. I didn’t know anything about the
Doris Day movies of the ’50s and ’60s— such
story, but I’d heard plenty of positive buzz.
blasphemy! I loved her movies when I was a
Upon viewing it, however, I feared that
kid and I still do. A pleasant mood often finds
either some Invasion of the Body Snatchers sce
me softly singing the theme from Pillow Talk to
nario was well underway, replacing vast num
myself.
bers of decent, intelligent filmgoers with
dimwitted vegetable-based aliens, or
that Screen Kiss has a monumental adver
tising machine at its disposal. My only
expressive reaction was four yawns. I did
n’t laugh. (Not nearly!) 1 didn’t cry
(except for myself)- And I certainly did
n’t care. (Couldn’t have cared less, actu
ally.)
Billy (Sean P. Hayes) begins his story
in bed with Fernando (Armando Valdes-
Kennedy). Billy sleeps with Fernando
while simultaneously making snide,
morally superior swipes at Fernando’s
open relationship. His hypocrisy didn’t
endear Billy to me.
Billy falls head over heels for pretty
boy Gabriel (Brad Rowe) before Gabriel
utters a word, then pursues him shame
lessly despite Gabriel’s claim of hetero
sexuality. His shallowness and immaturi
ty didn’t endear Billy to me.
So I was left following a story with a
mildly offensive, very whiny protagonist. Sean P. Hayes (left) and Meredith Scott Lynn
Even his tearful childhood reminiscence
N or is Billy’s bitter aftertaste due to some
didn’t touch me. And the Gabriel character
demand on my part for more depth from queer
could just as well have kept his mouth shut
movies. I liked Kiss Me Guido and adored
throughout the film. He was a paper doll.
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. I don’t need
Minor characters— Meredith Scott Lynn as
heavy-handed depth. Simply, Screen Kiss’s
Billy’s gal pal Georgiana; Richard Ganoung as
redeeming qualities are scant.
Billy’s mentor and patron, Perry— were more
There is some clever use o f Polaroid pho
interesting than Billy and Gabriel.
tographs, clever enough to have carried a 10-
Still 1 feel sorry for Richard Ganoung. He
minute short film beautifully. And there’s a
was cute in the 1986 film Parting Glances as
cute scene with Billy and Gabriel in bed, danc
best friend to Steve Buscemi’s queer, HIV-posi
ing that uncomfortable and exciting ballet of
tive New Wave character. He could at least
“Should I move closer ?” “Did he just brush my
have gotten a haircut for Screen Kiss.
arm?” etc., that happens when innocent bed
Writer-director Tommy O ’Haver’s treat
sharing is about to lead to something more.
ment of Christopher Bradley as Andrew,
That was all I could find.
Georgiana’s boyfriend, is cruel. In the low-
Had Screen Kiss been a low-budget sleeper,
budget Leather Jacket Love Story, Bradley
showed himself to have some degree of talent.
perhaps I’d be more forgiving. But this movie
In Screen Kiss, his talent is smothered as he
has higher production values than most queer
movies. I’m saddened that a queer filmmaker
plays a caricature of a straight man. It’s easy to
like O ’Haver couldn’t do more with the oppor
imagine O ’Haver’s direction during Bradley’s
scenes. Perhaps something like: “A ct dumber!
tunity given him. With all the great press he’s
Grunt more! You’re hetero, for G od’s sake.”
gotten for Screen Kiss, though, he’s bound to
Two other characters, the performance
have a lot more chances to make up for this
artists Ju-Ju and Rio (Shanti Reinhardt and
boring film.
Kiff Scholl, respectively), were clumsily thrown
O n the other hand, some loud people are
in as exaggerated illustrations of the kooky Los
saying they like what they see, and if they tell
Angeles art scene. It’s as if O ’Haver believes
him it ain’t broke, why should he fix it?
performance artists are no-talents draped in sil
If, however, you’re like me and you can see
ver lamé whom one always finds at decadent
that the emperor wears no clothes, console
parties speaking in accents appropriate to a
yourself with a rented copy of Pillow Talk and
perfume commercial. Again, I recalled a Parting
know that you’re not alone.
Glances party scene with German performance
artists who were at least slightly relevant to the
■ B illy ’ s H ollywood S creen K iss opens
story. Besides, it was 1986— twelve years ago
Friday, Aug. 21 at KO IN Cinemas.
the idea of performance art was funny in the
Call 225-5555, ext. 4608, for show times.
mainstream.