Just out., November 21, 1997, Page 35, Image 35

jus« out f n o v M ib w 21, 1997 ▼ 39
W orking I t O ut
As Linda agonized over whether to have a
A new gay men ys self-help book
focuses on growth and intimacy
/
BBQ pork quesadilla or the Mexican torta,
▼
by Gip Plaster
here’s more to being a gay man than
AIDS and coming out.
T
But those issues are the primary
focus of many gay men’s self-help
books. Regardless of how much time
and emotional turmoil was involved in revealing
our sexual orientation to others, and whether or
not we carry the HIV virus, we face other situa­
tions daily that are uniquely gay and uniquely
male.
li
00
Christopher Alexander’s new book, Growth
and Intimacy for Gay Men: A Workbook, is just
what it says it is. It contains text accompanied by
more than 40 exercises aimed at helping gay men
deal with gay life. It has sections on lots of
issues—growing up, childhood abuse, self-es­
teem and shame, addiction, relationships and
friendships, aging—and of course a bit about
coming out and AIDS.
“I thought it would be helpful if some­
thing could give gay men more
In its almost 300 pages, the book addresses
many topics with which gay men struggle. Each
section is followed by exercises intended to help
men arrange their feelings by helping get those
feelings in writing. For example, one exercise
asks men to list memories of times they felt
different.
“Did this feeling of being different feel like a
secret?” the exercise asks. “Do you remember
being fearful that anyone would find out about
you being different? What were your fears and
feelings?”
Other exercises do things like help assess self­
esteem and coping styles, and one helps establish
dating rules.
“It’s a worthwhile book for gay men who are
either starting out or are in the process of learning
more about their personal growth and mental
health,” Alexander says. “One person may not be
dealing with all the topic areas, so then the book
becomes a reference that a person can go back to
over time.”
reminded her that living with
a wannabe vegetarian was
indeed a delicate balance between feeling
total admiration and complete pity.
“1 thought it
would be helpful if
something could
give gay men more
*
insight into what it's
like to be gayf but
not just focus on the
coming out process or K
some o f these kinds of
topics which tend to get
repeated over and over
and over again. ”
Chez Grill
Taste
2229
■
—Christopher J. Alexander
/Wexande'
insight into what it’s like to be gay, but not just
focus on the coming out process or some of
these kinds of topics which tend to get repeated
over and over and over again,” Alexander says.
Growth and Intimacy doesn’t just provide
insight on being gay, it offers tools to help you
gain your own insight.
Alexander is a private practice psychologist in
Santa Fe. He is the publisher of the Gay and
Lesbian Quarterly, a summary of pertinent social
science research, and editor of the 1996 book Gay
and Lesbian Mental Health: A Sourcebook for
Practitioners.
Obviously he is no stranger to mental health
issues, but this is his first book aimed directly at
gay men. The book was originally conceived as a
tool for therapists to use with their gay male
patients, but at the request of the publisher,
Alexander says he expanded the work to make it
a self-help workbook.
If he were to pick the most important part of
the book, Alexander says it would be the section
on families of origin—the people who raised us.
”1 put a great deal of emphasis in the book on
the family of origin stuff because I think that
permeates most of our life as gay or non-gay
people,” he says.
Jan settled on the Santa Fe chicken, which
Christoph
It is still a good supplement for therapists to
use with their gay clients too.
“It’s a good book for therapists who are look­
ing for a tool to bridge some gaps in the work
they’re doing with clients in therapy,” he says.
He says for many therapy is a place to “get a
reality check” and to be reminded that being gay
is OK. However, the book is useful for men who
want to deal with some issues but who for what­
ever reason aren’t involved with a therapist.
And, Alexander says, not everyone needs
therapy. Men from accepting families with strong
networks of friends may not need professional
intervention.
Whatever your situation, Alexander’s exer­
cises can help you organize the emotions in­
volved in being a gay man. In other words, the
book helps you clean your closet—whether you’re
in it or not.
Growth and Intimacy for Gay Men: A
Workbook by Christopher J. Alexander, Ph.D.
Harrington Park Press, 1997; $22.95 paper.
SE
the
S o u t h w e s t
Hawthorne
•
in
Portland,
the
OR
•
So u t h e a s t
503.239.4002