Just out., May 16, 1997, Page 21, Image 21

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ju st out ▼ m ay 10, 1 99 7 T 21
terry Hartman hasn’t gone to the
gym in months, nor has she taken
a shower.
OK, she’s clean but that’s via
the bath, because that’s the way
baby Rose likes it.
So maybe in 18 years Cherry can start to get her
way again.
Welcome to joys of parenthood.
“It’s my dream come true,” says Hartman, 49, a
licensed clinical social worker and author of four
books, including one about overcoming the fear of
flying and a lesbian murder mystery entitled The
Well-Heeled Murders.
This woman isn’t afraid to lay it all out on the
table.
“When I was looking into adopting, I called the
agencies up and said, ‘I’m a lesbian, diabetic and
48 years old,’ ” she booms. V
Yowza!
But if you think that sent every­
one screaming, think again.
Sure, today Hartman is as dia­
betic and lesbian as ever, but she is
also the soon-to-be adoptive moth­
er of 15-month-old Rose.
For Hartman, who hails from a
sprawling brood that comprises six
siblings and oodles of nieces and
nephews, grand
nieces and
nephews, and even great grand
nieces and nephews, carrying on
the parenting tradition is heaven on
earth.
“ I’m sterile and I wanted a
child,” she says.
As Hartman hovered closer to
the half-century mark, her sense of
urgency to parent intensified.
“So I chose to do something
about it,” she says.
In the spring of 19%, she took a
class for those considering parent­
hood. The instruction, offered by
openly lesbian licensed clinical
social worker Susan Rosenthal!,
helped Hartman work through the
myriad issues related to adoption,
as well as develop a support net­
work.
Hartman quickly became con­
vinced that adoption was for her,
and kicked into high gear, approaching both pri­
vate and public agencies.
All the while she was frank about who she is.
“I hate the idea of being in the closet,” says
Hartman, who came out when she was 28 and has
never gone back in. “That’s not who I am.”
She says the best response she received was
from the state Services to Children and Families,
formerly known as the C hildren’s Services
Division.
She took the SCF classes and underwent the
required home study, which in part evaluates
whether a prospective parent can acceptably meet
the needs of the child.
Fortunately, she also hooked up with a case­
worker who was fully supportive of Hartman and
her parenting abilities.
“She was really pulling for me,” says Hartman,
who was under consideration for a 5-month-old
boy who ultimately went to someone else. That
was in October 19%.
“I thought that I was going to get him,” she
says. “I had already picked out clothes and set up
a nursery.”
When she learned of the placement decision,
she says she was “totally devastated.”
“It was like having a miscarriage,” she says,
adding that she pondered giving up.
But only for a moment.
The following day she received information
from her caseworker about three other children,
including Rose, who were potentially available for
adoption.
PARENTHOOD
Mother’s Day and Father’s Day take on special importance
when children come to those who ’ve waited\ dreamed
or never dared hope
▼
by Inga Sorensen • photos by Linda Kliewer
Justin Hovey (foreground) with
One o f the biggest misperceptions,
Rosenthall says, is the belief that gay men
and lesbians can't adopt. P
Like many of the children the state handles,
Rose came from tough circumstances. According
to Hartman, Rose’s birth parents are living on the
streets and addicted to drugs. She says Rose was
premature and bom with an abnormally shaped
head, perhaps due to the drugs the birth mother
took during her pregnancy.
Hartman, however, knew she had the necessary
love and patience to give to such a child.
A committee of caseworkers who considered
the parties seeking to adopt Rose agreed, and on
Jan. 24— Rose’s first birthday— Hartman took the
baby home to the 3,600-square-foot Southeast
Portland house she shares with her 90-year-oid
mother and her partner, Helen Lottridge.
Talk about spanning the generations.
“Rose is a wonderful child. She explores. She
climbs everything. She’s grown into her head.
She’s perfect,” boasts Hartman, whose living room
is now jammed with toys. She hasn’t written a
word in weeks, nor has she gone to the writing
group she’s attended for years.
“But I love my new life,” Hartman chirps.
Her only lament?
“Not having quite as much energy as I used to,”
she says.
Otherwise she is as peachy as they come.
usan Rosenthall says Hartman’s gung-ho
attitude is a good one for those seeking to
adopt.
“The world o f adoption can be complex and
often discouraging,” says Rosenthall, 50, who for
the past several years has provided instruction and
consultation to gays and straights alike who were
pondering parenting and adoption.
Yet while it may be a world filled with red tape,
anxiety and legal restrictions, Rosenthall says it
can be navigated smoothly with the right knowl­
edge and preparation.
She should know, having herself adopted a 2-
month old girl from Brazil seven years ago. (She
describes daughter Abra, now a first grader at
Buckman. as “beautiful, a gifted dancer, funny.”)
One of the biggest misperceptions, Rosenthall
says, is the belief that gay men and lesbians can’t
adopt.
Legally speaking, just two states— New
S
Hampshire and Florida— explicitly bar gay men
and lesbians from adopting. (A challenge was
recently launched against the Florida ban, which
was enacted in 1977 during the height of Anita
Bryant’s “Save Our Children” campaign.)
In other states, including Oregon, there are no
laws that preclude gay men and lesbians from
adopting, though personal biases may certainly
exist among agencies, social workers and judges.
Oregon adoptions are processed on a county-by­
county basis, and counties such as Multnomah and
Lane arc considered relatively friendly to the con­
cept.
“Know that you can do this. If you want a child,
you’ll get one. It may take awhile, but it will hap­
pen,” says Rosenthall.
But also heed this: “There are lots o f things to
think about,” she stresses.
They include the type of
child you are looking for— for
example, do you as a prospec­
tive adopter require that the
child be a healthy newborn or
an older child? What about
babies or older children with
special needs? Is a transracial
adoption possible? How about
an international adoption?
And it doesn’t stop there.
Do you need to know who
the birth parents are? How’s
your financial situation? Why
are you adopting— is it due to
infertility or is adoption your
first choice? If the former, have
you addressed possible residual
feelings of grief and loss about
the inability to bear a biological
child?
Have you considered how
your life will change upon
becoming a parent?
According to Rosenthall,
how people answer those and
other questions will determine
whether and how they choose
to adopt.
If one says yes to adoption,
one is again presented with a
multitude of options, including
public, private agency and
international adoptions, each
differing in cost and processes.
Public adoptions are conducted through a state-
sponsored public child welfare system, in this case.
Services to Children and Families. These children
usually come to the attention of public agencies
through reported incidents of abuse or neglect. The
state arranges for foster placements for the chil­
dren; if the parents cannot resume parenting, the
state may arrange for the parental rights to be ter­
minated and the child will become available for
adoption. Hartman’s situation is a case in point.
A big advantage of working through the state
system is that it will pick up most of the costs asso­
ciated with the adoption process (home study and
legal fees, etc.) and provide a monthly stipend to
the adoptive parent.
Private agencies, meanwhile, tend to work with
birth parents who come to them to make an adop­
tion plan for the child. Some agencies may be very
conservative, only adopting to heterosexual mar­
ried couples, while others may be more amenable
to gay and lesbian adopters.
However, private agencies that are open to gay
and lesbian adopters may advise discretion when it
comes to sexual orientation. Even though the
agency may know that a couple is gay or lesbian,
it may approach the adoption from the standpoint
that only a single adopter is involved.
Enter Jeanna Wogan, a licensed clinical social
worker, and her partner of 11 years, Ellen Bischoff,
a psychologist.
Continued on page 23