j u s t o u t ▼ J a n u a ry 17, 1 9 9 7 ▼ 5
VIEW FROM HERE
The ultim ate perk
Can the “sacred” institution o f marriage be rescued from its
own history as a package o f authority-sanctioned entitlements?
▼
by Patricia Nell Warren
or months now, the news has echoed
Indeed, the gay community’s love of drag and
with angry sound bytes from enemies
theater may be instilled in us by long centuries of
o f same-sex marriage. Homosexual
performing with that sword held to our throat. But
nuptials, it’s being said, will tarnish the
an Oscar-winning act is still an act, no matter how
“sanctity” of heterosexual marriage.
brilliantly sequined in "sanctity” it might be.
Gosh, do these folks ever read the newspaper? Interestingly enough, homosexuals d on’t mo
O r a history book? Marriage has already been
nopolize the closet. Marriage is a good place for
deeply de-sanctified by centuries of festering
certain straights to hide too. Like the prostitute
heterosexual pragmatism.
with heart o f gold who hides her past by marrying
Admittedly my views are colored by experi
Mr. Respectable with heart o f gold. Or the "m iss
ence. For 16 years I tried to be the perfect straight
ing person” who hides in a marriage to start a new
wife. But I never felt sacred—just felt more and
life and cover the trail. Or the straight military
more stifled and dishonest. When my homophobic
man who grudgingly marries to advance his ca
spouse Finally found out, he told me 1 was “sick.”
reer, because the brass don’t like to promote
My First and only visit to a shrink revealed that he
bachelors to admiral.
shared my spouse’s opinion. So 1 ran for my life:
Marriage has no global agreement about what
divorce and coming out.
makes it "sacred.” It’s social Silly Putty, squished
Apologists for “traditional values” seem to
into a thousand shapes by bias and blind belief. To
forget the real history o f marriage. Christian civi
the Israelites of the Ten Commandments, “sanc
lization was built by royalty and nobility who saw
tity” o f marriage included polygamy and a m an’s
marriage as dynastic. People wed
right to kill his wife and children
ded for titles, wealth, feudal es
if they got out of line. To feudal
tates, vassals, heirs— to link em
lords, the “sacredness” o f a serf
pires and win wars. Lifelong com
wedding required the bride to give
pulsory monogamy and chastity
her virginity to the lord. To the
belts were invented to ensure that a
U.S. colonists, a woman could
husband passed his power only to
w ork her way into m arriag e
his genetic offspring. While these
through contract labor or being an
marriages were sprinkled in holy
indentured servant. To Southern
water by ministers o f “heaven,”
slave owners, marriage was out of
many of them were made in hell, as
bounds for black people. To my
the tortured histories o f blueblood )
Irish Catholic forebears, the mar
families can tell us.
riage knot required a priest’s “authority.” To my
When the American Revolution separated
Protestant forebears. Catholic sacraments were
church and state, it also separated marriage from
“evil popery,” so only a preacher’s words could
church control. M arriage became basically a civil
authorize the knot. But to bride and groom on the
arrangement. Today, many nuptials in the United
high seas, a ship captain’s authority is “sacred"
States still start with church bells, but the “sanc
enough.
tity” o f civil marriage is arguable, since it boils
Some o f my Native American forebears had
down to a list o f heterosexual legalities that judges
more sensible views. A couple stood before Cre
can rule on. These include inheritance rights, tax
ation and married each other on their own author
breaks, hospital visitation, pensions, joint cus
ity as human beings. They had no concept of
tody— all things that homosexuals want too, and
being married by the power of some other person’s
are told they can’t have, in the name o f “sanctity.”
religion or authority. “Nobody tells a Cheyenne
Since when do the arbiters o f “holiness” include
what to do,” my cousins used to say.
probate courts, hospital receptionists, company
Can today’s marriage overcome its sorry his
pension plans and the Internal Revenue Service?
tory as a list o f perks? Can a person today make it
People in this country also rely on marriage for
sacred and wonderful?
certain perks and conveniences. For minors, get
Yes, I believe so. Real sacredness is infused
ting married is a way of evading parental custody.
into any relationship only by the two people
For embarrassed parents o f a pregnant teen, shot
themselves, be they straight or gay. They build a
gun marriage (it is hoped) preserves the family
balance between their own self-respect and their
honor. Marriage can get you free airline travel, a
respect for each other— and for their children, if
dental plan, diplomatic privileges, free housing on
they have them. If this sacredness is not deeply
military bases, U.S. citizenship, the boss’ daugh
felt on the personal level, no law or sermon or tax
ter, and slave labor in the form of lots of kids.
break can put it there. Not even God and Goddess.
Marriage routinely enhances a celebrity career,
Not every heterosexual wants this kind of
even serves as cover for some CIA intelligence
relationship. Not every homosexual does either.
work. Repeated marriage-and-di vorce allows some
But those who do deserve the best that marriage
folks to cloak sexual adventure in legality. Y ears of
can offer.
living together in "common law” can equal marital
So yes, marriage in the ’90s is darkly tarnished.
status, or at least get you a nasty “palimony”
But denying marriage to gay men, lesbians, bisexu
lawsuit. To the man or woman who marries for nice
als and transgendered people will not untamish it.
things, marriage may equal prostitution.
Heterosexuals have to take responsibility for
Are these profane perks protected by state and
the mess they’ve made o f marriage. They were
federal law? Yes. Are they sacred? Hardly. It is
the ones who wanted to have marriage. They have
amusing to think how many heterosexuals would
spent 3,000years making it ajuggernaut o f Judeo-
scream bloody murder if they lost their “right” to
Christian empire, politics, patriarchy and prop
this array o f conveniences. Yet they would turn
erty, including their “right” to control o f wife,
around and deny those same perks to gay people.
children and genetic heritage. Now, in the ulti
Closet marriages go beyond perk into prevari
mate paradox, heterosexuals may actually need
cation. “Closet” is how homosexuals historically
the help of us homosexuals, if they want to put
conformed to the old feudal mandate. Nobody tries
some sacredness back into marriage.
harder to make marriage work than a fag or dyke or
hi who is hell-bent to pass! We have even pumped
Patricia Nell Warren is the author o f
out children to be cannon fodder for feudalism.
The Front Runner and other books
F
H A M I D ’S
T here ’ s N o T ime
L ike the P resent
P lan for th e
F uture .
To
PERSIAN RUGS
Portland’s Finest Selection of
New/Old Persian & Other
Oriental Rugs, Tribal Kilims,
Bags & Pillows
Whaf s stopping you from planning for your
financial future right now? No time? All it takes
is one hour to get started Too Confusing? I'll
WE BUY OLD RUGS
explain all the options clearly, in language you
can understand No huge pool of cash avail
248-9511
901 SW WASHINGTON ST.
Mon-Sat 10-6 Sun 12-5
able? You don’t need thousands of dollars to
start .As little as S50 a month can
provide hig returns. Make today
the day you stop making excuses.
Call Floreid Walker and make an
appointment instead
FLORF.ID WALKER
(503) 238-6036
,*§00-487-6626
J5G3) 291-7713
waddell.com
J U S T POSSIBLY T H E
BEST T A S T I N C SUBS,
FRESH C H I P S A N D
SALADS
O N T H E PLANET!
Reed
Multnomah Village
In John’s Marketplace
We Appreciate Our Just Out Supporters!
3535 SW M ultnomah Blvd., Portland, OR
500 NE Multnomah, Suite 278
Portland, OR 97232
Wishing you & yours Peace, Pride & Prosperity throughout
the bright new year before us! Happy New Year!
Atillyn n s H cu se_ "S old ’’ W o r d
▼Buying or selling real estate? Let me give you a hand...
As your community professional realtor I can gently & expertly guide you through every step of the
buying & selling process...
/H ake tfou7 /Hove with /Hiltifnn in 1097'
▼ BUYERS, As your experienced Buyer's Broker I'll help you find & buy your dream home)
I'll demystify the home buying process for you, explain financing options, & advise you on
investment potential & the latest market trends. I will represent vour interests from your
first viewings to the beginning of negotiations & right through to Closing & Moving Oayl
▼ SELLERS, Take advantage of my 20 years of top marketing experience! I'll give your
property the best exposure in the full marketplace so that you'll be sure to get "To p Dollar".
( Even Nationally on my private tollfree response line!) ..Call to find out about my ” cutting-
edge" marketing plans. Yes, I’m "high tech", but I'm also "high touch"...vou'll always get
my full personal attention!
"3 S t a r t b\f ¿listening...”
▼ C A LL N O W to schedule vour
F R E E C O N S U L T A T IO N !
,inc.
3
.
▼ O UT on Broadway!
2100 NE Broadway, Suite 1-B
Portland, OR 97232
503-287-8989, x1 22(Office/24 hr voicemail)
cellular 318-1455 y fax 503-284-1618
O U T of the area? Call 1-800-825-9948
E-mail: Millynnj @aol.com
Hf
/HiUifnn [James,
▼
gci
-AtnoCLAtt is io k e i, /f lu ltim ilù o n t yt'tiniuce »
... is our real estate professional
▼ Specializing in classic & restorable homes in Pdx's established "close-in" neighborhoods
V 9Tkank if o u ,
fle sb ig n & ¿Trty C o m m u n ity , j(¡01 you r fa b u lo u s s u p p o r t &
welcome it^ e tia ls ! You enable my continued support of RTP, Basic Rights Oregon, LCP, HRC, NARAL,
CAP, PLC, Phoenix Rising, ONRC,ACLU,NOW, Lesbian & Gay Pride & SO much more!
▼See me in the classifieds for late-breaking info & listings ▼