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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (July 5, 1996)
j u s t o u t ▼ ju ly 5 . 1 0 9 6 ▼ 2 7 S top the W Emily Simon h ir l 620 SW Fifth Ave., Ste. 1204 Portland, Oregon 97204 ( 503 ) 241-1553 (503) 241-2587 FAX Once known as “Scandal Boy , ” Alan Helms survived the gay high life to find his own measure of happiness ▼ Emphasizing representation of the accused in all misdemeanor, felony, traffic and DUN actions in state, federal, juvenile courts and administrative actions by Gip Plaster I t was a different world for gay and lesbian people in the ’50s and early ’60s. Gay people were rarely portrayed—either posi tively or negatively—on television or in the movies. People in this country had not learned to talk about sexuality yet, so it is little wonder that gay issues were never talked about. The American Psychiatry Association still con sidered gay men and lesbians mentally ill. It was before Stonewall, the riot which marked the beginning of the gay and lesbian liberation movement. Gay men and lesbians did exist before that riot, though, and often just lived closeted and unhappy lives. Against that backdrop, Alan Helms moved from the stifling atmosphere of his childhood home in Indiana to ultimately join the gay and lesbian circle in New York. His m ove there marked the end of his child hood pain and isolation, while bringing him a whole new set of pains and disap pointments. Young Man from the Prov inces: A Gay Life Before Stonewall chronicles H elm s’ adven tures as he be comes a reason ably successful model and actor. At first, readers may be unsure what this book can offer. Most have never heard o f H elm s and may not see the value in reading the story of some one they don’t know. His story, how ever, p ro vides a look into the life of a gay man living in a time before anyone discussed gay and lesbian issues in public. Helms began life with an array of both pleas ant and unpleasant childhood experiences—some thing to which many other gay men and lesbians can relate. “If in childhood I’d been only praised & told I was the best thing since zippers, I’d have grown up, encountered reality, become disappointed, & eventually recovered. If I’d been only abused & humiliated, I’d have grown up, been scarred for life, & probably killed myself,” Helms writes. “Since I got both, 1 got confused.” He worked hard his last few years in high school to gain the opportunity to escape from the pain and isolation to New York and Columbia University. Soon he was invited to a cocktail party and thrust into a world that included An thony Perkins, Marlene Dietrich, Leonard Bernstein, Steven Sondheim and other prominent New York gay men and lesbians. “Without any preparation or the slightest hint of Whdt Was.About t6 happen,” *H61ms writes, “I « w ; . i « > » *• . l had just walked into a world of men like me, & I simultaneously experienced two overwhelming, diametrically opposed responses: ‘My moral uni verse has just been turned upside down,’ & 'Thank God, I’m no longer alone.’ The dread of a new fear, the euphoria of an immense relief.” He became well known in that circle, but not because of the academic skills that had gotten him from his hometown to the big city. Instead, he became known for sex, which he gave freely to most who were interested. From his encounters he acquired a reputation, of which only a part was true. “We called him 'Scandal Boy’ and constructed endless gossip around him,” writer Edmund White said. Despite his scandalous entrance into the gay and lesbian scene, or maybe because of it, Helms achieved some happiness in New York—cer tainly more than it seems he had found growing up in Indiana. It wasn’t all happiness, though, and the years of unresolved anger and pain eventually led Helms to start therapy. He moved to Boston to be closer to the therapist who was helping him. Today Helms is a professor of literature at the U niversity of Massachusetts in Boston, but it has been a long road from his M id w estern ch ild hood, via the ex citing and dan gerous New York life, to a more settled life in Boston. Helms battled severe depres sion and abused drugs for a num ber of years. To day he continues to battle for self acceptance, but writes that he is emotionally re covering and physically well. He has watched former lovers and frie n d s— m ore than 80 of them — die o f AIDS. It is a miracle, he says, that he never con tracted the virus. Helms’ life is one of which he says he can be proud, and his book tells the story of his struggle eloquently. His book provides a look into a world that has vanished, at least partially. While gay men and lesbians have more freedom today than ever, Helms writes of just how secretive and frankly, crude, gay men were once forced to be. He proves that the struggle for acceptance and happiness is fought and won one person at a time. “Thirty & twenty & even ten years ago I wanted so desperately to be a happy man, but the thrust of my life was toward being popular.... Today I’m a reasonably contented man,” Helms writes. “The man in the mirror & I are on good terms at last.” The struggle for happiness is one Helms is winning, and that is surely a happy ending. Pro Lab N.W. Inc. 133 SE M adison Portland, OR 97214 503 231-1599 - FULL SERVICE CUSTOM PHOTO LAB L od ging— where mountain meets the sea 95590 Highway 101 6.2 miles south o f Yachats, Oregon 97498 (541) 547-3227 New on the market... 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