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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 19, 1994)
just out T august 10. 1004 T 27 Affordable Computer Consulting and Training improved, although the eye infection has reacti [Puck] without sounding stupid and mawkish. I vated itself. Still, we’ve saved the vision in my never knew until I finished one essay what the next right eye. Actually, l was feeling much better until one would be—these are stories I’ve been waiting all this happened. The Foscamate l take now for the all my life to tell. And now the straight press is eye means I can’t take the amphotericin-B as an discovering us, as if we had just showed up from anti-fungal, since two and a half years ago. I’m on Mars. Our own lesbian and gay press has been a once-a-week I.V., can’t keep weight on—my working since Stonewall to say something about stomach is meanwhile filled up with yeast. Plus the AIDS; the straight press had said fuck-all.” colitis caused by the antibiotics. I’ve learned that if Last year, during the March on Washington, the disease doesn’t kill you, the medicine will.” Monette was chosen to give the National Book And then he up and did a book tour for Last Week speech at the Library of Congress. “My Watch o f the Night. Can you imagine? Plus sitting speech went over well to the largest crowd they’ve for an interview with Charlie Rose on PBS. In ever had. Mind you, I was speaking to the con addition, Monette attended graduation ceremonies verted, but I said things which put it into historical at the City University of New York to accept an perspective, a history which has been stolen from honorary degree, which will match the two other us. About the fragility of the printed word, and how such degrees he’s received from Wesleyan Uni ignorant historians expunge things from the record. versity and SUNY/Oswego. “Those were interest And before you know it, the Catholic Church bums ing in that I had to win the students over from their all the pagan texts—this Nazi pope and his Council hostile reactions. I gave the graduation speech; I of Evils at the Vatican. But truly, the most evil of talked about what it means to live in a pluralistic them all are the Protestant fundamentalists.” society—and I spent only six minutes doing it— Angry though he may be at the thoughtlessness my shortest speech ever. I was very popular after of the religious right and its persecutory zeal against that.” gay men and lesbians, one of the essays, “My As there’s no place to hide when you’re up Priests,” shows another side to him. “What was front and a leader, Monette takes as much as he illuminating about that essay was that there are gives in the gay political wars. His tirades against holy people about. As an atheist, I have a spiritual the Catholic Church’s stance on lesbian and gay sense to me, and I can be moved by good people people and on AIDS, and his fury about the road around me. The Starcross Community in Northern blocks the conservative Republican administra California, which takes in babies with AIDS, is a tions of Reagan and Bush put in the way of HIV good example.” research, obviously fuel his will to live. That and Monette has buried two lovers, Roger Horwitz his outrage at the “neo-cons”—what he calls the and Stephen Kolzak, both dead from the side gay neo-conservatives who attack him—men such effects of AIDS. He’s been in a stable relationship as Bruce Bower, who, in A Place at the Table, with Winston Wilde, 36, a Los Angeles native, wrote a l O-page diatribe against Monette, and since 1990. Wilde has begun working in the last softies like Richard Rodriguez, for his constant year to complete a bachelor’s degree at Antioch/ defense of the pope, and others, who apologize for L. A., on his way to becoming a clinical psycholo being gay. Monette insists, “They are the stereo gist. Monette says, “I’ve pushed him to do this: I types who want so hard didn’t want him to sit to be respectable that around and just take “With the deaths of they ignore what we care of me. It’s won Randy Shilts John Preston, derful for him to be in have achieved at the school with grown level of community— Michael Callen, etc., we're ups, using his life’s as opposed to the way losing a whole generation of our experience. In truth, I they condemn us for the darkness of our sub- leaders in the fight against AIDS c o u ld n ’t do these book tours without culture. While the de who were kept going by him. He keeps me bate is useful between going—takes care of lefties— like me, Larry the crude generation of arrangem ents and Kramer and Randy AIDS medicines—a tidal wave of keeps me from get Shilts—and these other conservative gay men, deaths. We 're losing people who ting overtired and overbooked. He’s a ad hominem attacks on kept us going and gave us gentle man, all grown people are unneces and cute, with a heart sary: They’re mean.” purpose. ” of gold. He has such a Some of the attacks sense of excitement of the world and eagerness of and the debates, of course, are honest differences life and experiences. He was so much fun to be of opinion between thinking adults; some are just with in Italy. It’s wonderful to share the growth of plain envy. Monette, like Shilts did, is making gay cultures— we came out the same year, me at some big bucks with his writing. Winning the 27 and he at 16.” National Book Award for Becoming a Man, helped Monette just keeps on going. “I don’t want to propel sales, as well as his having been nominated hide my HIV or AIDS from anyone. Self-hatred is for the same award for Borrowed Time. Unhap so much a part of others who’ve died from it: pily, success can breed jealousy, fear and anger. “I [Rudolph] Nureyev died with a lie on his lips, like was startled that I won the National Book Award Liberace. Somehow they don’t have to be upfront, [in 1992]. I don’t even remember getting to the even while dead. Nureyev’s doctor wanted to tell table and giving a speech. And doing the publicity the truth; but he [Nureyev] was in denial, and that at that time was exhausting because I’d had AIDS makes a mockery of the loss of so many of our for a year. But it [Becoming a Man] has had more friends who died so early. His doctor decided he impact on our people as a whole than anything else, couldn’t keep the lie going and has since talked including Borrowed Time. Becoming a Man speaks about the truth of his death.” to so many, including women and families. I get a Monette just keeps writing, too. He has a major lot of mail, especially from mothers who’ve be piece coming out in The Los Angeles Times, “Af come illuminated [by it]. I was very careful to use terwards,” an essay about the state of the gay and false names for many of the people in the book; I lesbian union after Stonewall. In addition, a new didn’t want to out anybody in it. I really wanted it book of poems published by St. Martin’s Press is to be about outing oneself. I desperately wanted it coming in August, West o f Yesterday, East o f to be the book I couldn’t read at [school at] Andover Summer. or what wasn’t in [books by] Kraft-Ebbing. As As he says at the end of one of his essays, “Just good as it is as a play, Boys in the Band was terribly remember. You are not alone.” As simple a piece upsetting to me at the time. Seeing the movie by of sagacious advice as you could get. Monette myself was a mistake, because it reinforced the emerges as an icon, a sage, a mentor to our negativity of being gay for me. Now I’m glad I’m homophile or queer community. here to tell my story. And the new essays in the book are the most of me that I’ve been willing to Last Watch of the Night, by Paul Monette. reveal. 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