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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (May 1, 1992)
V ju st ou t ▼ m ay 1 0 0 2 T 2 0 Coleen Pearson “All these little babies are anxious and excited about being in the world . y Marilyn Davis oleen Pearson’s kitchen table is bur ied under the kind o f clutter kids make. There are piles of picture books, birthday cards, coloring book pages covered with crayon, a con- ction paper crown, and a note written in the istakable printing of a first grade teacher. In e center of it all is a tall glass vase spilling over ith pink roses. It’s after 9 o ’clock, and the house quiet; in a bed- room so m e w h e r e a child is p e e p in g . C o l e e n rsonisanen- rgetic woman rith a lot to do, it her first pri ority these days is her adopted son, a 7-year-old boy who came to live with her initially as a foster child. “We have this rule in the house now,” she says. “I tell all my friends, between 8:30 and 9 don’t even bother to 11. T hat’s a special time with my son.” When Pearson was a child, her parents ran a kalfway house for people who were physically id mentally challenged. “My mother, to this lay, runs a home like that, so I grew up working /ith kids, or rather adults, with disabilities, and I link that’s part of the reason I got interested in ioing foster care.” Creating a home and a family jFor people without is part of Pearson’s history, id she is proud to be carrying on the tradition. j“My mom was introducing me to a friend and said, ‘Coleen is taking up where I stopped. She’d | doing the same kind of work I did, only with kids. ’ I never thought of it in that sense but it’s true in a | lot of ways.” Pearson has always wanted to have kids, so three years ago, after many unsuccessful attempts to become pregnant through artificial insemina tion, she began to consider foster care. “I was talking with one of my neighbors who does foster care, and she gave me the name of someone at Children’s Services. I went through their eight- week program, which I think anyone going into foster care or adoption should absolutely em phatically do, because it opens you up and helps you see the types of things you’ll come across with the kids you’re going to see.” Pearson originally asked CSD for “a little girl, newborn to three years,” and waited a year with no success. “When I first started with this adop tion thing, it was really hard. My caseworker told me, ‘Look, you’re going to be up against hetero sexual male-female couples that want to have kids.’ CSD was apprehensive about letting gays or lesbians adopt. The system has some good people in it, and it has some homophobic people in it as well. I did run into them, and we did bump heads. I was basically in a lot of people’s hair, stirring up dandruff.” She was in the planning stages of adopting a little boy from Washington State, when a case worker came to her house for a visit. “This woman said, ‘Oh, he wouldn’t be appropriate here; he would be too embarrassed to bring his friends home. Your kitchen chair has a tear in it and the rocking chair in your living room has a little tatter.' This woman’s class issues were enormous. They were more important than whether this child was going to get a good loving home.” Finally Pearson learned of two little boys who needed a home, and all of a sudden, after years of waiting, she had a family. “The boys moved in lock, stock and barrel, with clothes in bags and all their toys-more toys than clothes. They settled in fast. We had a pretty good working family, considering the space. I only have a two-bedroom house, but even when my lover and her kids were here everybody had a bed. It was comfortable and everybody had a great time. It worked as a family.” For several months, the family did work, and then one of the boys began to show signs of serious problems. “After the honeymoon period was over, things began to change. He saw me as his mother, his abusive mother, and he could not distinguish between her and I. He would go into raging fits where he would threaten me. It was dangerous. I had to call the police three times.” The problems affected all of the children, and also Pearson’s relationship with her lover. “I didn’t cope very well. I got pneumonia and I think the impact of the boys had an impact on the lover relationship ending. There were other issues also; it was only a part of it, not all of it, but it didn’t help.” Eventually the relationship ended and Pearson had to admit that she couldn’t handle the over whelming problems of a child who couldn’t live in a family. "I tried my best, but it didn’t happen. W hen it doesn’t work out you feel like you failed and you know this child doesn’t have anyone else. Where they came from is the last place you would want them to go back to, and where they’re going will be really hard. What you’ve given them is a little piece of your life that hopefully will have some impact on their lives in the future.” “The thing that really did help were my friends, people I could depend on who could be here in a flash if I needed someone. I had to set up a system where I had phone numbers right by the phone of people I could call and say ‘I need you now ,’ and they could be here in 10 minutes.” Those people, Pam, and Lilly, and Sharon, and Sharon (the kids call the two Sharons “the white Sharon and the black Sharon”) became Pearson’s extended fam ily. “I had to depend on my family of friends. My family away from home, especially when things got hard. You can call up therapists and case workers, but they are not the ones that are going to be there when things get really rough. My lover wasn’t always here; if I’d had to depend on her, I would have been up a creek. I had to call on my friends to rescue me, to help me out.” Now, Pearson and her son are alone together, and she has a new understanding of what it means to be a single mother. “During the breakup o f the relationship I realized how mothers get about protecting their kids from being hurl when it’s over. You want to protect your child if you get involved with someone, so they w on’t get hurt. You don’t want them to make instant attach ments.” The changes have been hard, but there have been positive results too. “ Being real single now has actually been good because it’s brought us closer. I ’ve been able to give him more time, the time he’s needed to bond with me. My caseworker said to me the other day, ‘I know it’s obnoxious when kids cling onto you like little magnets, like slugs on tomatoes, but that’s a good sign, really.’” And there are more changes on the way. Pearson is expecting another child soon, and her son is looking forward to being a big brother. He doesn’t want to be the baby anymore. “I do feel like it’s going to happen soon. My caseworker says it’ll probably be this summer, but little things are telling me that it’s probably coming alot faster than that. My nesting instincts are coming back. I started scrubbing walls and doors and moving furniture around, totally unconsciously. I real ized I ’m getting ready for another child to be here. One o f the women I work with said that when I ’m ready she has the crib, the high chair, the playpen. It’s all sitting there ready. So it's like this child is really coming fast. Everything’s sort o f here just waiting.” “ A lot of women I know right now are either pregnant or just had babies. Babies are coming fast, whether they’re coming out o f you or to you. All these little babies are anxious and excited about being in the world.” Pearson recently went to a workshop for lesbi ans who wanted to adopt or have children through artificial insemination. “One of the women said, and it was really true, that you know when you’re going to get your child. It’s like this beam o f light that starts to grow and grow, and that light is your child coming towards you. For me now, I know the right child will be here. The child will come to me. And no matter how much I push or try to force myself, it’s not going to happen until the time is right.” W indow O n T he W orld cheering on 1 * «1 the LCP Dragon Boat Team. s m i B rid g et D o w n e y • C in d y K e h o e . S te p h a n ie l It's just the way it is...I (An eclectic i>ift C' clothing boutique) • K.unsticks, d ru m s , m asks, m an d c la s IN S U R A N C E A G E N C Y , IN C . 6 , 0 s.w.Broadway.#408 • Crystals, ( chic ¿\: goddess earrings • I rlmic clothini; dv jewelry I ) ( >\\ n t o v v n m t i l e S k k l m i i i v I <u n i t . i i n I h (5 0 3 ) 2 2 8 - 8 3 2 7 2S S\\ I st • I lies. Sim. • ll(i 2 S 14 m e. ..no matter who I'm with Using condoms and M practicing safer sex is for everybody—HIV positive, ^ HIV negative, or even if you don’t know yet. Proper use of a latex condom increases its effectiveness to almost 100%. Using a water- based lube (never oil-based & in be, it can dissolve a latex condom) that contains a CASCADE AIDS PROJECT PREVENTION/OUTREACH SERVICES i i U iiiu spermicide like Non-oxynol-9 adds a layer of protection, y Always have condoms / available wherever you / . are—they are free in C 1 any gay bar. Protect your- self and those you care about. 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