V
Out of the shadows
‘
One out of three girls, and one out of seven boys, are sexually
abused by the time they reach the age of eighteen
’
BY
A N N D E E
H O C H M A N
The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women
Survivors o f Child Sexual Abuse, by Ellen
Bass and Laura Davis (Harper & Row, 1988).
write with clear, direct, conversational
language, not psychological jargon, and they
repeatedly pin concepts to real-life situations by
giving specific examples and suggestions. In a
llen Bass and Laura Davis make their
section
on coping, for instance, they describe
convictions clear on the cover of their
survivors’
tendency to minimize abuse this
new book. Women who have lived through sex
way: “ Minimizing means pretending that what
ual abuse are “ survivors,” not “ victims.” And
ever
happened wasn’t really that bad. It means
survival only shows up in the subtitle. This book
saying,
‘My dad’s a little pissed off,’ when in
is really about what comes after survival — it is
fact he just smashed an armchair to bits.” In a
about healing, about the courage, hope and
section
on feelings, they suggest women write
resilience demanded from any woman who
lists of activities that help them calm down.
turns the cover and glimpses her life in its pages.
A
sample list of “ Things to Do When I’m
In the last ten years, media attention in the
Desperate”
begins with: “ 1) Breathe; 2) Get
form of books, talk shows and television docu-
my teddy bear; 3) Put on a relaxation tape; 4)
Get in my rocking chair; 5) Call Natalie. . . .”
While Bass and Davis impart valuable, con
crete information, they repeatedly stress that
they are not gurus of healing, nor is the book a
definitive bible of help. The text is peppered
with references to other books, to groups and
associations
that help survivors and, most
dramas has begun to strip the shadows from the
important, with reminders that each woman is
subject of child sexual abuse. Several books
an authority on her own healing.
published since 1980 have documented the fre
“ Often the knowledge that you were abused
quency of incest and sexual abuse and given
starts with a tiny feeling, an intuition,” they
survivors the opportunity to voice their stories.
write in the introduction. ‘ ‘It’s important to trust
Other books have trounced Freud's seduction
that
inner voice and work from there. Assume
theory and presented feminist challenges to
your feelings are valid.”
myths about sexual abuse. Women looking for
The authors stress that healing is not a linear
peer support can now find groups based on the
process
— some women repeat phases of
12-step model for sexual-abuse survivors.
recovery numerous times over a period of years;
But until now, there has been no single book
others
skip some stages — and The Courage to
to usher survivors through each slow step of the
Heal is not intended as a straight-ahead read.
healing process, from recognizing the impact of
Rather, the clear table of contents and succinct,
abuse to believing it happened toward resolu
well-identified chapters make it easy for each
tion and the gradual process of change.
reader to find information that applies to her
Although The Courage to Heal can inform
right
now.
and help partners and friends of sexual-abuse
The
book is arranged in five large sections.
survivors, counselors, social workers and
“ Taking Stock” helps women identify them
teachers, it speaks most powerfully to women
selves
as survivors of child"sexual abuse and
who have survived. The authors address readers
look at the effects of that experience in their
as “ you,” and they begin at the beginning: “ If
present
lives. “ The Healing Process” charts the
you have been sexually abused, you are not
stages
of
recovery from the decision to heal
alone. One out of three girls, and one out of
through breaking silence to resolution and
seven boys, are sexually abused by the time
moving on. “ Changing Patterns” offers
they reach the age of eighteen.”
concrete
information about recognizing and
The introduction contains a checklist, headed
naming feelings, altering perceptions about the
“ How can I know if I was a victim of child
body
and working through sexual fears. “ For
sexual abuse?” This list of questions makes it
Supporters of Survivors” advises family
clear that children who were touched in sexual
members, partners and counselors how to
areas, forced to pose for seductive photographs,
behave
in ways that take care of both themselves
raped or told their only value was sexual may
and the survivor. “ Courageous Women”
now suffer the effects of abuse. For women who
contains
the personal stories of survivors.
know they were abused, the following chapters
Finally,
a
detailed list of resources and an exten
answer the question: “ Where do I go from
sive bibliography point readers toward other
here?” in a voice that is knowledgeable, gentle,
supportive books, organizations and groups.
honest and thorough. From the preface, the
While Davis and Bass go out of their way to
authors' message is one of unflagging love,
present
a range of women’s voices and many
admiration for women who have struggled to
possible reactions to abuse, their work has left
heal from sexual abuse, and hope for the
them with some unshakable convictions, and
thousands of women who are just beginning that
they state these clearly: Abuse is never the
process.
child’s
fault. You can’t heal if you are addicted
Ellen Bass has worked for ten years with
to
alcohol
or drugs. Counselors who believe
hundreds of sexual-abuse survivors, leading
women must forgive their abusers in order to
workshops for women, their partners and
heal
should not be working with survivors.
professional counselors. She co-edited l Never
These beliefs provide the comfort of a steady
Told Anyone, an anthology of personal stories
heartbeat beneath the text; to survivors who
by women who were abused, and she is the
may doubt every instinct and feeling, it is
partner of a survivor. In the preface, she
helpful to hear that some things are simply
explains that her workshops, like the book,
unequivocal.
stem from her belief that “ everyone wants to
The authors weave short quotations, poetry
become whole.”
and stories from survivors, as well as personal
Laura Davis, a writer, radio producer and
statements from themselves, throughout the
survivor of child sexual abuse, writes that she
text. They wisely reserve a whole section at the
was motivated to work on the book “ for
book’s end for the lengthy personal stories of 15
probably the same reasons you are picking it up
women. These accounts, read singly or as a
now — I felt a tremendous amount of pain in my
group, provide deep, emotional testaments to
life and I wanted it to stop.”
the power, resilience and faith of the human
The authors' differing experiences with
spirit. One survivor, who was beaten and
abuse — professional and personal, wide-
molested by her father and was diagnosed with
ranging and intimate — along with material
cancer
a year and a half after the interview,
gleaned from 50 interviews give the book a
wrote.
richly balanced tone and content. Bass and Davis
E
.-deaert —
Cancer is the ultimate test of survival. . . . I’ve
learned what safe hugs are all about. It was
important for me to keep fighting. . . . Compared
to what I survived all those years, this was a piece
o f cake. Last month the doctor told me the cancer
was entirely gone.
I am a survivor, and I’m going to live to dance
on my father’s grave.
From the arrangement of the table'of contents
to the placement of the survivors’ stories at the
end, the design of The Courage to Heal reflects
the authors’ commitment to clarity. Bold head
ings, different type to highlight special informa
tion and a format with plenty of space around
the text ail combine to keep this nearly 500-page
book from looking scary or overwhelming.
Finally, unlike many books about recovery,
Bass and Davis do not stop with the process of
personal change. In a cogent, sensitive discus
sion at the end of a section on “ The Healing
Process,” they answer the question, “ Why
should I do all this hard work?” with an expan
sive sense of the power that survivors could
wield to change their lives and others’:
As you heal, as you feel more nourished,
balanced, and whole, you will find that you have
energy available to direct in creative and life-
affirming pursuits. No longer struggling just to
cope day-to-day, you can begin to make an
impact on the world. . . .
It is you — who know something about both
justice and injustice, about abuse and respect,
about suffering and about healing — who have
the clarity, courage and compassion to contribute
to the quality, and the very continuation, of life.
More than any other feeling, this book is
suffused with both authors’ unshakable faith
that healing is worth the difficult path it entails.
If you arc on a journey of recovery from child
sexual abuse, or you know a person who is,
take this book along. It will prove a wise,
faithful and gentle companion.
•
SANDRA K. PINCHES, Ph.D.
1809 N.w . Johnson, Ste. 7
Portland, O R 97209
(503) 227 7558
cv*
Specializing in issu es of:
Recovering Alcoholics
Co-dependency
m {fir-ijjri&Koi
Pro<fu.cttons
Lesbian & gay couples
Intimacy & commitment
presents
lodnn Loulan
Author of "Lesbian Sex" and "Lesbian Passion: Loving Ourselves & Each O ther"
in a benefit for A Woman's Place Bookstore
AN EVENING OF PROVOCATIVE HUMOR
AND LESBIAN SEX
Friday, December 9, 8:00 pm
Northwest Service Center • $10.00/advance $12.00/door
An o utra g eo us evening o f com edy and lesbian sex e d uc a tio n fe a turing topics
from JoA nn's new book a nd upd a te d research on lesbian sex practices and
a ttitud e s. W he e lc ha ir access/childcare provided.
RECLAIMING LESBIAN SEX
WITH A PASSION WORKSHOP
Saturday, December 10, 10:00-5:00 pm
PSU Dance Studio • $45-60 sliding scale
A new w orkshop exploring concerns In lesbian sex and relationships. Thro ug h
group discussion, gam es and lectures. Issues such as rekindling passion fo r
couples, sex, singles and d a tin g , sexuality and recovery from a d d ic tio n, aids
and safe sex fo r lesbians will be explored. C o-sponsored by PSU W om en's Studies
Space lim ited for the workshop • Please fill out attached form
Nam e
Address
Phone
Please send.
. tickets fo r the Dec. 9 evening perform ance ($ 1 0 )_
Please send
. tickets fo r the Dec. 10 day-long w orkshop ($45-60).
Make checks payable to A Woman’s Place Bookstore and mail to:
A Woman's Place Bookstore. 1431 NE Broadway, Portland O R 97232.
For more information call 284-1110.
J
ju st out • 1 7 • September 1988