V Out of the shadows ‘ One out of three girls, and one out of seven boys, are sexually abused by the time they reach the age of eighteen ’ BY A N N D E E H O C H M A N The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors o f Child Sexual Abuse, by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis (Harper & Row, 1988). write with clear, direct, conversational language, not psychological jargon, and they repeatedly pin concepts to real-life situations by giving specific examples and suggestions. In a llen Bass and Laura Davis make their section on coping, for instance, they describe convictions clear on the cover of their survivors’ tendency to minimize abuse this new book. Women who have lived through sex­ way: “ Minimizing means pretending that what­ ual abuse are “ survivors,” not “ victims.” And ever happened wasn’t really that bad. It means survival only shows up in the subtitle. This book saying, ‘My dad’s a little pissed off,’ when in is really about what comes after survival — it is fact he just smashed an armchair to bits.” In a about healing, about the courage, hope and section on feelings, they suggest women write resilience demanded from any woman who lists of activities that help them calm down. turns the cover and glimpses her life in its pages. A sample list of “ Things to Do When I’m In the last ten years, media attention in the Desperate” begins with: “ 1) Breathe; 2) Get form of books, talk shows and television docu- my teddy bear; 3) Put on a relaxation tape; 4) Get in my rocking chair; 5) Call Natalie. . . .” While Bass and Davis impart valuable, con­ crete information, they repeatedly stress that they are not gurus of healing, nor is the book a definitive bible of help. The text is peppered with references to other books, to groups and associations that help survivors and, most dramas has begun to strip the shadows from the important, with reminders that each woman is subject of child sexual abuse. Several books an authority on her own healing. published since 1980 have documented the fre­ “ Often the knowledge that you were abused quency of incest and sexual abuse and given starts with a tiny feeling, an intuition,” they survivors the opportunity to voice their stories. write in the introduction. ‘ ‘It’s important to trust Other books have trounced Freud's seduction that inner voice and work from there. Assume theory and presented feminist challenges to your feelings are valid.” myths about sexual abuse. Women looking for The authors stress that healing is not a linear peer support can now find groups based on the process — some women repeat phases of 12-step model for sexual-abuse survivors. recovery numerous times over a period of years; But until now, there has been no single book others skip some stages — and The Courage to to usher survivors through each slow step of the Heal is not intended as a straight-ahead read. healing process, from recognizing the impact of Rather, the clear table of contents and succinct, abuse to believing it happened toward resolu­ well-identified chapters make it easy for each tion and the gradual process of change. reader to find information that applies to her Although The Courage to Heal can inform right now. and help partners and friends of sexual-abuse The book is arranged in five large sections. survivors, counselors, social workers and “ Taking Stock” helps women identify them­ teachers, it speaks most powerfully to women selves as survivors of child"sexual abuse and who have survived. The authors address readers look at the effects of that experience in their as “ you,” and they begin at the beginning: “ If present lives. “ The Healing Process” charts the you have been sexually abused, you are not stages of recovery from the decision to heal alone. One out of three girls, and one out of through breaking silence to resolution and seven boys, are sexually abused by the time moving on. “ Changing Patterns” offers they reach the age of eighteen.” concrete information about recognizing and The introduction contains a checklist, headed naming feelings, altering perceptions about the “ How can I know if I was a victim of child body and working through sexual fears. “ For sexual abuse?” This list of questions makes it Supporters of Survivors” advises family clear that children who were touched in sexual members, partners and counselors how to areas, forced to pose for seductive photographs, behave in ways that take care of both themselves raped or told their only value was sexual may and the survivor. “ Courageous Women” now suffer the effects of abuse. For women who contains the personal stories of survivors. know they were abused, the following chapters Finally, a detailed list of resources and an exten­ answer the question: “ Where do I go from sive bibliography point readers toward other here?” in a voice that is knowledgeable, gentle, supportive books, organizations and groups. honest and thorough. From the preface, the While Davis and Bass go out of their way to authors' message is one of unflagging love, present a range of women’s voices and many admiration for women who have struggled to possible reactions to abuse, their work has left heal from sexual abuse, and hope for the them with some unshakable convictions, and thousands of women who are just beginning that they state these clearly: Abuse is never the process. child’s fault. You can’t heal if you are addicted Ellen Bass has worked for ten years with to alcohol or drugs. Counselors who believe hundreds of sexual-abuse survivors, leading women must forgive their abusers in order to workshops for women, their partners and heal should not be working with survivors. professional counselors. She co-edited l Never These beliefs provide the comfort of a steady Told Anyone, an anthology of personal stories heartbeat beneath the text; to survivors who by women who were abused, and she is the may doubt every instinct and feeling, it is partner of a survivor. In the preface, she helpful to hear that some things are simply explains that her workshops, like the book, unequivocal. stem from her belief that “ everyone wants to The authors weave short quotations, poetry become whole.” and stories from survivors, as well as personal Laura Davis, a writer, radio producer and statements from themselves, throughout the survivor of child sexual abuse, writes that she text. They wisely reserve a whole section at the was motivated to work on the book “ for book’s end for the lengthy personal stories of 15 probably the same reasons you are picking it up women. These accounts, read singly or as a now — I felt a tremendous amount of pain in my group, provide deep, emotional testaments to life and I wanted it to stop.” the power, resilience and faith of the human The authors' differing experiences with spirit. One survivor, who was beaten and abuse — professional and personal, wide- molested by her father and was diagnosed with ranging and intimate — along with material cancer a year and a half after the interview, gleaned from 50 interviews give the book a wrote. richly balanced tone and content. Bass and Davis E .-deaert — Cancer is the ultimate test of survival. . . . I’ve learned what safe hugs are all about. It was important for me to keep fighting. . . . Compared to what I survived all those years, this was a piece o f cake. Last month the doctor told me the cancer was entirely gone. I am a survivor, and I’m going to live to dance on my father’s grave. From the arrangement of the table'of contents to the placement of the survivors’ stories at the end, the design of The Courage to Heal reflects the authors’ commitment to clarity. Bold head­ ings, different type to highlight special informa­ tion and a format with plenty of space around the text ail combine to keep this nearly 500-page book from looking scary or overwhelming. Finally, unlike many books about recovery, Bass and Davis do not stop with the process of personal change. In a cogent, sensitive discus­ sion at the end of a section on “ The Healing Process,” they answer the question, “ Why should I do all this hard work?” with an expan­ sive sense of the power that survivors could wield to change their lives and others’: As you heal, as you feel more nourished, balanced, and whole, you will find that you have energy available to direct in creative and life- affirming pursuits. No longer struggling just to cope day-to-day, you can begin to make an impact on the world. . . . It is you — who know something about both justice and injustice, about abuse and respect, about suffering and about healing — who have the clarity, courage and compassion to contribute to the quality, and the very continuation, of life. More than any other feeling, this book is suffused with both authors’ unshakable faith that healing is worth the difficult path it entails. If you arc on a journey of recovery from child sexual abuse, or you know a person who is, take this book along. It will prove a wise, faithful and gentle companion. • SANDRA K. PINCHES, Ph.D. 1809 N.w . Johnson, Ste. 7 Portland, O R 97209 (503) 227 7558 cv* Specializing in issu es of: Recovering Alcoholics Co-dependency m {fir-ijjri&Koi Pro