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About Just out. (Portland, OR) 1983-2013 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 1, 1987)
v. Wonder boy grows up iH ia a ta a I • a ia a ia a a k «•■■■■■■■■• ■••■■• en Szudy, 6, bounds into the room !•■■■• with a poster rolled under his arm. (■■■■I • ■•■■(. . With his mother’s help, he slides off the rubber band and holds it up for everyone to i a m a a M U M M a M m i see. Unlike what you might expect of a i child in the 1980s, the poster isn’t of aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai Rambo or She-Ra, it’s Mickey Mouse. laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanaaaa Ben is as excited about the poster as he a a a a r a a a a a a a a a a a a a a 1 aaaa a a a a i a a a a a a a a a a a a a a aaaa is about his other toys — a hummingbird feeder and an aquarium full of tree crabs aaaa l a a a a a a a a a a a a « aaaa aaaa l a a a a a a a a a a a a aaaa — toys that are somewhat unusual, per ■aaa a aaa aa a aa a aa aaaa •aaa a aaa aa a aa a aa aaaa haps, for a six-year-old boy. laaa a aaa aa a aa a aa la a i taai « a aa aa aa aa aaa . aaai But in many respects, Ben is unusual, a aaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaai aaa a a aa aa aaa aa aa a aa wonder boy. He was one of the first children aaa «aaa aa aa aa aaa aa . ■ aaa a aa aa a aa aa a aa a ai aaa I in the nation to be conceived by a lesbian aaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaa taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaai using artificial insemination. ‘a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a i Artificial insemination is not new. Since t a . a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a i aa Betty Szudy and son Ben World War II, well over 300,000 children ............................. a a a a a a a i aa ■ a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a i a; have been bom as a result of this proce •aaaaaaiaaaaaaai aaaaaaa aaaaaaai dure. And there are an estimated 15-20,000 aaaaaaa aaaaaaai aaaaaaa aaaaaaa children conceived by artificial insemina aaaaaaa l a a a a a a taaaaaa t aaaaaa tion in the U.S. each year. taaaaaa taaaaaa a a a a a i l a aaaaa For many lesbians, it wasn’t a possibil aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa ity until recently. Today, the estimated aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa aaaaaa number of lesbians with children by artifi aaaaaa a a a a a i cial insemination is about 1,000-1,500 in t a a a r a a aa aa i taaaaa aaaaa California alone. But because so many a a a a i aaaaa a a a a i aaaaa lesbians use private networks rather than a a a a i aaaaa aaaai aaaa« clinics, the number nationwide isn’t known. ■aaai a a a a i « a a a i a a aa i “ There weren’t very many options in taaai «aaai a a ai « aaa 1979,’’ his mother, Betty Szudy, said. “ It a aai taaa aaai taai was still pretty new — there weren’t even • aai iaat any clinics to go to then.’’ Betty, a negotiator for the Teamsters Union, doesn’t know the donor personally. He is a man whose political activism she admired. Though Betty knows a lot about the man, she has never met him. A mutual friend made the arrangements. “ I have his medical history now,’’ she said, “ but at the time I was looking for really stupid things — someone I respected, someone with curly hair.” Ben, who is tall and lanky, doesn’t have curly hair. And he has never met the man whose genes he carries. But that doesn’t seem to bother him. He’s adjusted to his she put a cloth on her head and held a sprig school are racially integrated, for instance, ‘mom and his parrot’ as he called Betty’s of gladioli in her hand as part of the joke. as well as tolerant of different lifestyles. lover when they first explained the idea of To everyone’s surprise, the first attempt “ Both my lover and I go to parent- was a success. ‘parenting’ to him. teacher conferences,” Betty said. “ The “ We tried to explain that though I’m his The only male in the house, Ben has a PTA is very progressive and in many ways, mom, my lover is his parent — someone we’re typical parents.” bedroom and bath downstairs while the who loves him and cares for him — but Ben knows he was conceived by artifi women have bedrooms upstairs. While Ben kept calling us his ‘mom and his par cial insemination. Betty always told him most boys his age tend to be loud and rot,’ so now everyone goes by their first boisterous, Ben is quite the young gentle that she got the sperm from a donor. But name.” when Ben first went to school, Betty man, quiet and polite. By his behavior, he realized she should explain how most breaks the myth that boys are aggressive Like a growing number of families to by nature. babies are conceived — before Ben heard day, Ben’s is not a traditional nuclear one. it from someone else. Neither Betty nor her lover believe be His consists of Betty, Betty’s lover of five havior patterns are inherent. They think Not everyone, she said, gets donations years, and a female roommate who’s lived that the stereotypically aggressive male from a friend or a sperm bank. Some people in the rambling 2-story house with Betty behavior is as much a product of condi have sex. Ben, who is as squeamish as even longer. tioning as anything else. Alter the environ most young children when hearing about When he goes to school, Ben isn’t the ment and you have a more emotional, reproduction for the first time, was hor only child with gay parents, either. Last more sensitive child — even if the child is rified by the thought. He equated human year, there were three children with les a boy. eggs with chicken eggs and wasn’t at all bian mothers in his class of 30 kids. sure he wanted to eat egg sandwiches after Their philosophy seems to be working. “ He is aware of the other kids who have that. Ben is only six but he’s already teamed to two moms,” Betty said. “ For him, some talk about being upset when he’s angry, for In fact, Betty didn’t think it would be people have one mom; some people have a instance, rather than breaking things or that easy to get pregnant when she decided mom and dad; some people have two acting on his hostility. to have a child. She’d heard how hard moms.” But there is a downside to the idealism, getting pregnant with the turkey baster Oakland, which borders the city of however, one’s own conditioning. method was and never had been particu Berkeley — the birthplace of the ‘‘Free “ When you have kids,” Betty said, larly careful about birth control in the days Speech Movement” and a hub of left-wing “ You see the ways you’re more sexist than when it mattered. and radical political activity for decades — you think. 1 hear myself saying things my Thinking of the first attempt as a dry is no bastion of conservatism, either. It has mother said — things I swore I’d never run, she kidded about it being an immacu a large gay population and is liberal in say. late conception. Donning a white gown, many other ways. Ben’s neighborhood and B Mom is a dyke. ••■ ••■ •a • aa aaaaaa «• • • a a a a a aaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaai ■a aa a a a a a ' aaaaaaaa • • a a a ! •aaa ai • a a a a a aa aa aa aa aa aa aa ifaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa» aaa aaa ____ ___ aa aa aa aa aa aa aa aa aa aa aa a* a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a ra a a a a a a a ia a a a a a a a a a a a a a aaaa • • • • - a a a a aa aa aa aa aa aaaa aaaa ia a a a a a a a a a «f< aaaa »a aa aa aa aa aa a •aaa aa aa aa aa aa aa •aaa aa aa aa aa aa aa taaa aa aa aa aa aa aa • a a * «a aa aa aa aa aa a a a i aaaaaaaaaaaaaa aa* a a aa aa aa aa aa aa a a i •• a a a a a aa aa aa aa aa* (a a a a a a a a a a a a a a « • a*a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a SSSC aaaa aaa« «a a i aa ai »a a i *aa ta i ia a ia a *a * a ia a a a a a a a i a a a a a i i i r • a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a * aa • aa aa a a a a a a a a a a a a * *a Non-traditional families explode myths. 9 9 Though Ben has friends and relatives to rely on. “ He doesn’t have a significant (male/ role model,” Betty said, who wonders if that will hurt his development in the long run. “ But he seems bright and does well in school,” she continued, “ and he was tested by a woman doing a doctorate in psychology. Despite the fact he often seems like ‘Mr. Crash-Bang’ to me, he appears to be less aggressive than most boys his age.” If she had it to do over, what advice would Betty give women thinking of hav ing a child by artificial insemination? “ When I used insemination,” she said, “ there was no question of AIDS or of legal issues. Today, you have surrogate mother ing and contracts — and it can get a lot more complicated. “ And it’s a very personal choice, hav ing children,” she continued. “ Most people have a romance about little babies and no conception of what it means when little kids grow up to be big kids. It’s at least an 18 year job and it’s expensive. It’s not that expensive but day care and clothes are! And the thought of college! “ If I were to do it again,” she concluded with a smile, “ I’d wait till I had a partner I’d been with a while, then I’d have two instead of one .” • Just Out. 15 August. I987 TtflM w v y t A ,M \uf> W*»V .