Highlights
and Lowlifes
L A G U N A B ITCH
AND
t T p
P 1
Wish F d said that!
“ La Cage aux Folles is not a gay show.”
Peter Marshall, star of the national touring
company, in the Oregonian. (And Kurt Wald
heim is not a Nazi.)
“ And the gays said, ‘You know, we gays, we
are men become women because of our reach
for beauty!" Imelda Marcos claimed that her
husband, Ferdinand, had the gay vote wrapped
up in the February Filipino elections, because
gays were afraid they would all lose their jobs
under “ a less flamboyant administration.”
(Ohh, Mary!)
“ We used to call him ‘Fairy Mason’.” Pat
Bond, referring to Raymond Burr, on
Queersville.
“ He’s a disaster.” Commissioner Dick
Bogle, referring to Bob Koch, who defeated
incumbent Margaret Strachan for Portland
City Commission, on KGW-TV. (Maybe if we
leave the keys in him . . .)
“ I’m not one who thinks homosexuals have
rights.” The late State Senator L.B. Day.
(Thank you, God.)
That dumb bitch should have realized she
was only adding to my power.” Police Union
President Stan Peters on the fall of former
Chief Penny Harrington (Put your gun
where your mouth is, Stan.)
“ AIDS is a disease of choice.” State Health
Division Administrator Kristine Gebbie, on
KEX Radio, as reported by City Week. (Seeyou
in the unemployment line.)
"Com e out of the closet and debate.”
Republican candidate I inda Chavez taunting
Democrat Barbara Mikulski in the Maryland
Senate race. Characterizing Mukulski as “ a
San Francisco style liberal,” Chavez all but
called her opponent a lesbian. Mikulski won
handily.
“ Mildred Schwab could only have an or
gasm when it was budget time in the City of
Portland.” Mayor Bud Clark to Tom Brokaw
about his frequent foe on City Commission. (At
least she enjoys her job.)
" I ’ll take a drug test as soon as my opponent
takes an IQ test.” South Carolina Senator
Ernest Ifollings when challenged to a drug
test.
Her os or Zeroes in the
White House
“ I have bitter bile in my throat.” Ronald
Reagan, in Time magazine. (The White House
is the new Gong Show.)
“ The women of America aren’t prepared to
give up their jewelry." White House chief of
staff Don Regan, justifying the Reagan
Admnistration policy in South Africa. (And the
boys aren't prepared to give up their uranium
ore.)
“ Get off my god-damned back," Ronnie to
Nancy, who was advising him to fire Don
Regan. (Just say no, Ronnie.)
“ President Reagan may have approved the
First shipment of US arms to Iran while he was
ill or under sedation.” Attributed to Attorney
General Edwin Meese. (Challenge this man to
a drug test.)
’’The only way that the Republican Party can
hold the White House in 1988 is to nominate a
candidate who can win.” Alexander Haig, an
nouncing his [Republican] candidacy for presi
dent. (Challenge this man to an IQ test.)
Add this to your vocabulary
PC (now means personal computer)
Substance Abuse
Crack
MAX (bringing Gresham to the city)
Damage Control (what Reagan lacks, not a
guarantee)
LWW becomes LWW (Lesbian Welcome
Wagon, under threats from Welcome Wagon
Internationl, becomes Lesbians Wishing
Welcome)
Stress-related disabililty (Didn’t this used to be
called something else?)
Adopt-a-dyke (Bringing women to the Lucille
Hart Dinner.)
Incest Survivor
Adult Children of Alcoholics
Did you fall for this fad?
Wine Coolers (Kool-aid goes upmarket.)
Phone Sex (Gives new meaning to phone jack.)
Working Out (Is the gym the new closet?)
Dating (Ultimate retro trend.)
The Monkee Revival (There is no American
Culture, there is only American taste.)
Enough already!
Shoulder Pads (Falsies fo r the ’80s.)
Dr. Ruth (Cable's answer to phone sex.)
Ron Reagan, the younger, (Come out o f your
closet and debate.)
Walt Curtis/Mala Noche/Gus Van Sant Inter
view Magazine (Your 15 minutes are up,
Andy.)
Vanne White (The cult continues.)
Bruce Springsteen (He’s from New Jersey, fo r
Chrissake.)
GentriFiction of Fast Food. (Blackened
McCroissant?)
Cajun (Has the Willamette turned into the
Bayou?)
Bill Cosby (Blandness knows no color.)
Keith Hering
Antonin Scalia
Spinal realignment
Non-force techniques
Nutrition/Prevention
Massage/Kinesiology
Physical therapy
Sports medicine
Gays news (The
one tenth estate)
Don t that beat all!
Kelly Chronister, coverboy (Newsweek comes
to Portland.)
Performers for Life raises $8,000 at the Schnitz
for AIDS support groups; the Oregonian
carries a photo of two men dancing.
Cascade AIDS Project’s Bike for Life fundraiser
pedals $25,000 into CAP coffers.
Liberty Weekend, New York City: 6,000,000
tourists, 600 toilets (What is wrong with this
picture?)
Lesbian Nuns (Is this redundant?)
A too-too-avid Liz Taylor fan steals a toilet seat
from a New York theatre after her usage (A
Scratch ’n Sniff Story.)
Phil Donahue beats up a LaRouchie in
LaGuardia Ailrport
Reagan sends a cake to Iran.
Gordon Shadburne runs again!
Be Still My Heart
Sigourney Weaver in her underwear in Aliens.
Richard Gonoung out of his in Parting
Glances.
Daniel Day Lewis drizzling champagne into
the mouth of Gordon Warnecke in My
Beautiful Laundrette.
Patricia Charbonneau steam cleans in Desert
Hearts.
Lea Delaria (Bitchery meets Butchery.)
Tom Koberstein (Eroticizing safe sex.)
UPS Delivery persons (All o f them,
unreservedly.)
The Supreme Court cancels sodomy
Attorney General Ed Meese cancels
pornography
The Pope cancels Gays
Gresham Outlook canels Just Out
PSU Women’s Union cancels On Our Backs
When is News Not News? “ Study Shows
EfFiminate [s/c] Boys Grow Up Gay.”
Headline, City Week, 12/19/86. ( “City
News when it’s News’ ’ [City Week filler].)
The New York Post ran a doctored photo of
Moammar Qadaffi in earrings, make-up,
and a wig, with the caption, “ Dressed in
drag QuadafFi might look like this.”
The Oregonian refused to cover the Interna
tional Parents and Friends of Lesbians
and Gays Convention in Portland (When
no news is policy.)
“ Does anyone care?” queried columnist
Randy Radar in the COP, reporting that
Robert Paul Dunn, former publisher/editor
of The Eagle Newsmagazine, is an AIDS
patient in Portland. (The gay community
draws together in time o f crisis.)
Whatever happened to?
Divine at Starry Night?
Eartha Kitt at the Masonic Temple? (Eartha to
Sun City, Eartha to Sun City . . .)
The new Family Zoo?
“ Life with Lucy”
Leslie Kinney’s new eddition of “ Exclusively
Out and About’ ’ ?
From complacent cows
Escape from New York Pizza
La Patisserie
Plaid Pantry
Albertson’s
Col. Sander’s Kentucky Fried Chicken
Skipper’s
Thrift way
(Guess who still serves Alpenrose?)
We predict
Fondue Parties (Will yours be Lite or Classic?)
Presidential primaries become bake-offs;
hostile foreign dignitaries decide winner.
“ Amerika,” ABC’s mini-series about a UN
assisted Russian takeover of a United States
gone soft (Start the boycott now.)
Reagan applies for “ stress-related disability.”
City denies Bob Koch access to Twinkies. •
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Roy Cohn (An Anti-Semitic Jewish Gay
Homophobe.)
Gordon Shadburne (' ’San Francisco-style’
conservative.)
Robert Bauman, former Republican
Congressman from Maryland who parlayed
a career o f bigotry and boys into the book
Confessions o f a Gay Conservative (Waitfor
the movie.)
John “ Terry” Dolan, Executive Director of
the National Conservative Political Action
Committee (NCPAC) and a major architect
of homophobia, keeps a lower proFile
amongst fellow fascists since his “ homo
sexual proclivities” came to light.
Old CAP vs. New CAP (Generation GAP)
Lesbian/Gay Pride Steering Committee vs Out
Media
Alpenrose vs Foodfront
Doctor on page for emergencies
t
Get thee behind me
Ex Popies rule! Three former divines go up
wardly mobile in the gay community.
Tom Koberstein, former Dominican, leads
Cascade AIDS Project.
Dan Stutesman, former Catholic priest, heads
•
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Just Out
Right Wing Fairy,
Department.
Is this a coincidence?
T otal Personal H ealth Concept"
Rena Sandler. D.C.
the American Friends Service Committee
Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
Christopher Eskeli, former Dominican,
directs Right Step Recovery Unit.
(Sure as hell beats the job corps.)
To disagree is human,
to spat divine
B etter H ealth C hiropractic C linic
“A
John Piacentini vs Plaid Pantry workers
(Come out o f your closet and negotiate.)
Democrats for Paulus vs Democrats for
Goldschmidt
1644 N.E. Hwy. 101
Lincoln City, Oregon 97367
994-2m